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Harmony Through Caregiving: Finding the Balance and Blend

Stacey Shade-Ware smiling at the camera
BrainLine Director Stacey Shade-Ware blogs about life as a veteran caregiver

My name is Stacey Shade-Ware, director of BrainLine, veteran caregiver, mother, daughter, and soprano with the American Military Spouses Choir (AMSC). My husband, Russ, proudly served in the United States Air Force for nearly 25 years. In that time, he deployed more than he’d care to recount, receiving both physical and emotional wounds. We married in 2006, just in time for him to be sent overseas again. Retiring from the military triggered something in him and now we take life one day at a time.

Here I will share what works for us – and what doesn’t. What life is like for those who live with those who served. I will be honest about what keeps us going and what is overwhelming. I hope to share a little hope and reminder that you are not alone on your journey of healing. You may have heard, “It’s okay to not be okay.” Well, that goes for caregivers too.

I live near Washington D.C. with my husband, our two daughters, my parents, two dogs, and our rescued ten-foot boa constrictor named Bubbles. I am also an avid crafter and enjoy baking and sewing… when I can find the time. Learn more about Stacey >

The Latest from Stacey

Predatory Practices Against Vulnerable Populations

A shadowy person in a hoodie sitting at a table with a handful of cash

Predatory practices are common around military bases. Young servicemembers and those in transition — either moving from base to base or preparing to separate or retire from active service — are easy targets. As soon as you pass the gates off base, you see “Pay Day Loans!” and “Buy Now! Pay Later!” Like servicemembers, veterans are also targets. 

Growth and Change Through Trauma with Gratitude and Connection

A man watches two girls play a VR motorcycle video game in an arcade

The holiday season is upon us and that means family time and reflection. But this year just feels off. I’m not sure if it’s the change of seasons, the upcoming holidays, our added pressures at work, or just the stress of everything going on in the world, but my husband, Russ, and I have both been stressed. 

Finding my Motivation, Holiday Edition

An Ugly Bedazzled Unicorn Holiday Sweater

But this is how I’ve been feeling about the holidays this year. I just don’t want to. There is so much going on at home, at work, and in the world, and it’s all weighing heavily on my mind. There is just too much!

Suicide Is Not a Bad Word … Don’t Be Afraid to Talk About Suicidal Ideation

A yard sign reading "Your Life Matters" with a teal and purple Suicide Prevention ribbon

September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month. If you are military-connected then you know the 22-veterans-a-day average. You’ve seen the blue ribbons plastered everywhere on base/post. If you are a veteran or caregiver, you’ve seen similar posters at the VA. You’ve probably gone to an annual suicide prevention training or two. You know the signs, you know what to look for and what to do if you are worried about someone’s safety. But nothing can truly prepare you for when it happens.

Hurting Physically from Emotional Pain

Illustration of a woman with a pained expression rubs her neck

The more I start to recognize what I am feeling — both physically and emotionally — the more I can speak up for myself, and advocate for what I need. It is not easy, and not something that everyone wants to hear, but I need to care for myself, too.

Self-Care Through Singing: Trauma, Resilience, and Representation in Musicals

Stacey Shade-Ware smiles at the camera with music stands, a microphone, and others in the background

I will admit when I first watched Encanto I was not terribly impressed, though the songs in Miranda’s signature style are quite catchy. I have two little girls, 3 and 5, and for those of you with children or grandchildren, you know that they must watch something like Encanto again and again and again. So, suffice it to say, I had the opportunity to really listen and pay attention to the story more than once.

New Year! New Me? Ha! Not with PTSD

Russ Ware (left) and Grandpa Russ Ware (right) in an antique car museum

In the past, Russ and I would celebrate across oceans and time zones, sometimes a half hour off. Yes, really. Afghanistan is nine-and-a-half hours ahead of the east coast, 10-and-a-half from Texas. It was wild trying to sync up schedules but I would never turn down a 3AM-my-time video chat. I am grateful we don’t have to contend with that any longer. But Russ being home hasn’t made the transition from 2021 to 2022 any easier. 

Finding Community and Support in the Weirdest Places

Stacey Shade-Ware, in The Orville admiral cosplay, smiling at the camera

Relationships after a life-altering injury or diagnosis is, well, weird. Some people will stand by you no matter what. Hold on to them and let them know, often, how grateful you are that they are in your life. Others, even family—no, especially family—are not so loyal.