9 Things NOT to Say to Someone with a Brain Injury

My sister's husband has tbi and has no short term memory - has dementia and Alzheimer's symptoms. His family and friends have dismiss the wife who is the caregiver. He will send out text messages or emails inviting people over and try to have them stay with them. How do you deal with inconsiderate idiots who undermine and belittle the caregiver? He has taking off so many times where the sheriff has to be called. He gets confused and wanders into people's houses or cars. But when speaking he sounds 'normal.' Oh he knows me so therefore he cannot be disabled. That is what people say. His sister is in denial and constantly undermines the caregiver and start arguing - he sounds fine , or will call his kids and harass them. Your dad isn't sick, he knows who I am. He said he was going to call me back but he didn't. His family and friends have never provided any relief or assistance. Their house was damaged with Ian and cannot get assistance from FEMA and their insurance is refusing the claim. A lot of the FEMA employees are at the bars. Nobody gets it.

At age 15 i was going to the lake with my friend a week before school started back. Then while we were in the car an 18 wheeler jack knifed the car i was riding in. After i got hit i went into a coma for 6 months, i have a serious traumatic brain injury. I graduated high school at 21 then a year later my sister found an amazing program that i started going to Monday through Thursday, I’ve been going for 3 years. I absolutely love it. Ten years after my accident it feels crazy that so much time has passed. I’m blessed to be alive, when i first woke up from my coma i was mad at my parents for bringing me back to life. A year before my accident one of my friends died, i was very suicidal. I’m in a better place now

I’ve had so much pressure put on me to perform to expectations by the legal accident system in nsw Au, that I tried to end my life a few times having not been believed for the injuries I sustained and the brain problems in difficulty in functioning - it took me 14 years fighting for my rights while having surgery after surgery and dealing with brain problems of memory loss, time distortion, sadness, emotional changes that were totally out of character for me, forgetting what I was saying, forgetting where I was going, forgetting to eat, turn off the gas burners, etc, etc - which was all used against me in the court case, where I was trying to fight for my rights for some sort of compensation after my entire life was destroyed; they (lawyers for insurance) said I had pre-existing (no evidence of, just their assertions) munchausens, bpd, delusions, schizophrenia, etc (no prior or current evidence thereof, however), to deny me compensation. Please understand that I have nothing against people whom have to deal with those conditions, it’s just that I was being railroaded by a system that - if it can deny someone, it will - was trying to crush me into the ground by denying my injuries and subverting the justice system by accusing me of being unwell already before tbi and in many ways other than having a tbi. All those things you’ve written in your article I do agree with; but further to that, the systems that exist (I speak of what I know and that is the workcover, third party, and nominal defendant systems in nsw Au) need to be mandated to accept on probability that a person, with reasonable evidence - and they must not be denied that investigation to find evidence (I was denied medical investigation and treatment for years resulting in even more damage) - and unless proven otherwise beyond doubt by the same medical tests that they have a hidden injury that they must be supported and compensated for such. And definitely not dragged through the system for 14 years (for instance), just for the sake of barristers sucking money out of the case, and forcing the person to sell their house and everything they own to fight the insurance companies (what happened in my case). I got compensated but it was nothing compared to the costs that came out of it, and what I lost along the way, let alone my ongoing medical costs and loss of job and future income..or pain and suffering (those were not covered).
So besides the fact that I live with many of the symptoms discussed by many of the people here, I’m still dealing with the secondary trauma doled out to me by the persecutory system and the stigma attached to having had a ‘compensation case’ which rules me out of getting future work in Australia, based on the insurance rules held by workcover insurers (once you’ve had a case, you have to disclose that, and it’s frowned upon and you’re seen as a high risk - so you never get the job).
Anyway, I digress (I have a brain injury)…

At 16 years of age my husband went through a windshield of a semi truck his friend was driving. His friend was killed and my husband suffered severe head injury. My husband is now 61 years old. We have been together for 20 years. Over our time together I have noticed significant changes in his personality etc. His anger and aggression has become an issue within our marriage. I am trying to be as patient as I can with him but he makes it extremely trying. He is mad everyday. He controls everything I do or say and gets very angry if I have a different opinion. One minute he can be fine and then like flipping a switch he turns into someone I do not know. He refuses medical attention, insisting that I am the problem not him. I am at my wits end. I have tried hard to take care of him, understand him and be there for him. Every single month at the first of the month he turns into a demon for about 10 days. He calls me bad names, throws things, locks himself in his bedroom watching the news or u tube at least 18 hours a day. When this happens I have to do everything for the household alone ie. Woodcutting, yard work, vehicle care or snow shoveling. He is not affectionate and I can count on one hand how many times we have been intimate in the past 3 years. I refuse to engage in fighting with him and now I rarely talk. He has forbid me from my friends, ruined my relationship with my family, makes me quit everything get involved in. I am living in hell but my heart tells me to stay because I realize that his injuries are the reason for this progressively difficult personality changes. He leaves me at least every other month and stays with his friends for about 7-10 days, them says he is sorry and wants to come home. When he does come home he is very aloof for about 3 days, then switches back to his old self from 20 years ago and then we start the same thing all over again. He does not work, he hates everyone and threatens to "kick some ones butt" all the time and then blames me for his anger issues. Everything is my fault always.
Any advice you might have to offer is greatly appreciated. I am drowning.

Having sustained a brain injury 5 years ago, I almost forget how angry I was when my parents told me they were praising god from bringing me back after being out for 2 days. I wanted to die only when I could construct a single memorable string of thought. I’ve noticed in the years since I’m venturing to a point in my sleep that when I knock out for the night, I can nearly feel the opium flowing unnaturally through my body. I get to a sleep now that is so deep I say it’s “like the dead” haha. The constant downhill avalanche is what life is after the accident. Eventually you learn that it makes no sense how well you set the table when the table itself is seemingly falling in every direction. The break it takes me to actually meaningfully contribute to a conversation is so slim and rare to come by, that I often spend my time now listening to my roommate monologue for hours about the same medical experiences that I have nearly memorized in plot by this point. Ceaselessly listening to a raspy voice repeat crappy choices dejected from the possibility that reality is false when experienced solely in the visual cortex.

I have been helping a family member who has TBI. But now I am no longer her guardian, she is on her own. She does not trust me and refuses to sign anything. Her English isn't very good and she has trouble understanding the language. I try to explain to her the best I can in her language and I also use google translate, but she thinks google isn't at all accurate. I shouldn't feel this way, but her refusal to sign things and not trusting me after a year of being her guardian, makes me not want to help her anymore. How do you continue to help someone who doesn't trust you.

I have a mild TBI with moderate to severe impairments in certain areas.

And I think that #7 is not a "one size fits all." For someone in rehab attempting to learn how to feed oneself again, sure, that makes sense.

For someone like me, who a) was chronically, toxically independent and b) has severe insomnia, fatigue and about 3 "good hours" a day...and that's all, I'd love for my friends and family to say "let me do that for you." In fact, I *need* that help because I'm a single person.

I have been living with a TBI since a severe accident where i was struck by a truck in 1998 as a 9yo child. I have some processing issues occasionally, mainly when my words in my head get crossed with the words i am saying. Pretty comical if i do say so myself. But alot of people dont understand people with TBI. I had what they say were christopher reeves exact injury with the basil skull fracture broken neck and spinal cord all but severred with less than 1/4mm. Lucky to walk talk and breathe on my own. I was in a 4 day coma and woke up saying "mommy i think i got hurt".
Sorry i got off track. I just wanted to say in all of my years having severe tbi i have heard every one of these. And what ive figured out is just own it. People with tbi have what i refer to as the f it mode. After practice i learned to control majority of the apathy and the depression. And always repetition for memory. Always... Say it, write it, read it.

I had aTBI at 21 hit by drunk driver. Went to er did all the scans, sent home next day in unbelievable pain. Ended up finding out I had a hangman fracture and all the tendons for my C1-C2-C3 vertebrates completely tore off the spine. Along with many of the small muscles tore of my skull. Had to hold my head up with my hand holding my hair luckily I still had hair back then. They took three weeks to find this after a lot of complaining they only did an MRI to show me it was all in my head what a doctor told me. After MRI I went into immediate surgery. 9” of metal holding my spine together. I was constantly told how different I acted angry, confused, hating life etc. I thought it was just anger that the driver got a dwi and went on with a normal life. I had to relearn so many normal task. I adapted and made a fairly normal life took ten years. At 36 I had a grand Mal seizure feel 18 feet my head broke the fall on to a cement slab. Life has been nothing but hard for the last 2 years. My wife of 17 years wants me gone only reason it hasn’t happened is I am unable to take care of myself. Forget to eat, conversation I had 3 minutes ago no sense of time and horrible out bursts of anger that I have no idea why I do. I had a great job that I looked forward every day going to. Know I am lucky if I can remember why I went to the store. Life sure feels like, Living In Failure Everyday. To many days lately of ready to be done. 4 young amazing kids keeps me going and trying to not give up. Kids are amazing at realizing dad needs help they are more understanding than most adults. Wife’s family tells her to leave me instead of trying to help us out. I used to be a volunteer firefighter and first responder used to like helping anyone that needed any sort of help not anymore. I have a hard time understanding why most people are so selfish?
Any suggestions-ideas that have help you out how to control anger, work on improving memory improving out look in life. Kind of on my last straw I guess.