9 Things NOT to Say to Someone with a Brain Injury

I was in MVA 8 years ago, it took nearly 2 years for my cognitive functions to improve enough that I could make it through a job interview successfully although once landing the job it took several more years to develop compensation techniques like keeping a log of everything I work each day, phone conversations etc to help with my memory issues.  After 8 years I still have difficulty concentrating at times and become exhausted from concentrating too hard or too long.  If it weren't for the personal relationship I built with my employer I'm quite sure I would've been laid off.

Recently some new issues have developed that have greatly impaired my ability to work, over the last 2 years I have rapidly developed a connection to the weather that causes my tbi affects to flair up.  The same MVA I hurt my knee and developed arthritis.  The best I can explain what has been going on is basically arthritis in my head/brain.  When it is cloudy/rainy/humid I feel excessively fatigued and often oversleep and will need several hours to feel coherent enough to shower and get ready --- leads to an afternoon arrival at work.  I will continue to feel groggy & slowed mental processing, I hear myself on the phone with clients and I struggle to put together my thoughts and have difficulty articulating well.  I may simultaneously have a migraine or I could just stay in this limbo for the next day or days until the weather front moves out.  My light sensitivity has also increased dramatically during this same 2 year time frame, the weather also heightens it but it exists all the time, I live in sunglasses.  Working in an office the light from the computer screen irritates my eyes after several hours.  The combination of fluorescent lights and the computer screen are unbearable and cause painful migraines, I had to bring in a tall house lamp for my office but most of the day don't turn on the lights at all. However my work requires me to visit clients and sometimes work onsite where I don't have control over the lighting.  God forbid I'm scheduled to see a client during bad weather-- I won't be able to show up until the afternoon and my concentration and ability to answer questions coherently are greatly impaired.  Somettimes I am so dizzy and disoriented from the weather that I am not comfortable driving.

I recently went to see a neurologist but she couldn't grasp that I have a connection to the weather or that half the time I have the fatigue, light sensitivity, dizziness but they wont be followed by a migraine.   The only meds she prescribed are to prevent and treat migraines --so far in 10 days no migraine but there's been 3 days of overcast/rain and all the other symptoms continued to persist despite the medication.   

Does anyone else on the planet have a similar reaction to the weather or am truly the medical oddity the doctors seemed to be perplexed by?

"Was your brain injury self-diagnosed?" -- This from a psychiatrist.

I don't know where I am at with this brain damage but my doctor told me today that I need to buy a helmet so when I black out I won't cause as much damage to my brain as I usually do and also so I do not go blind

16 years for me and I feel as if I'm getting worse. Memory has not gotten better and I'm getting where I won't leave the house unless I have to. Don't like being around more than a few people at one time and when people ask me random questions I get lost. Accident was 1/21/2001 age 19 and I get so frustrated when everyone thinks I shouldn't have any problems since its been 16 years. I hate,"oh come on it's been years you know your memory isn't bad anymore" and "well everything should be better you look great."

I had a head injury in 2012. I had a plate put in my forehead because a the bone was pushed in so far that they couldn't pull it out so to keep from having a dent in my head they put a small 2 in by 2 in titanium plate in my head. I was Mgr of a sales team, made good money, and was the most motivated guy almost anyone knew. Since my life has fell in the gutter. I can't even remember what I'm saying sometimes, I leave doors open, misplace things, have become lazy, can't follow through on anything that is important, can't keep a job, lost friends, have anger outburst, and can't have a relationship. Yesterday my wife told me that our relationship can't continue until I get my life in order and that I emotionally drain her. I've asked her to help me by writing things down and to please be patient. She's so frustrated with me. I can't say I blame her. I'm twice more frustrated with myself. Well I agreed in conversation we had to do better and had all intentions of doing so. But I couldn't get out of my head how hateful she is towards me. In the last few weeks she went from loving me and being sweet to acting like everything I do repulses her. So my mind started wondering. I had a suspicion that she has found a new man that has things going for him. One that doesn't have so many problems. So I did what I shouldn't and looked at her phone. The first thing I noticed was in her phone there was a text from someone named "Slug." When I looked at the text I realized she had saved me as "Slug." This broke my heart. I never have felt so low. I already think of suicide on a daily basis because I feel like a waste. I feel I'm always a burden to people. The way people talk to me now: I'm "slow," "what's wrong with you?," "its your pills," "you make excuses," "you just want to live off others..." If you really know me,  then you know that I've been taking care of myself since I was a kid. Now that I know my wife thinks so lowly of me I'm trying everything possible to not take my life. But it's hard. I never thought she'd be so rude and mean. I don't have any kids of my own. So I feel I serve nobody on this this earth no value anymore. I don't have insurance so there is no cure for me. So be nice to people weather they have head injuries or not. I love her unconditionally. But I know how she sees me now. Ever since she got this new good job. She has down talked me when we fight. Now we're over until I get my life together. I'm trying harder than anybody will ever know. JAG

I was in a head on collision 6 weeks ago. One ton chevy doing 65 ran into me doing 30. I walked away. Beaten and sore and slowly. went back to work 10 days later. again, slowly. I've been noticing more and more a difference in ME. It takes me much more time to get thru tasks. I can't ell anyone though.

I relate to what you're saying. It can feel so isolating. I think its horrible. Just some of the times I hear I look fine but I'm putting on a good act. I feel so hurt. Good luck. I've had my tbi 17 years now.

I agree with all of these; I was injured in an MVA Oct 2016 and am Just getting used to some of the effects of my TBI. I was (and occasionally still am) very fearful about what the future holds but realizing I can only do what I can do, and slowly pushing past my boundaries / retraining myself as much as possible.

It is so good to find out that others have been through the things that I went through.  

Number 7-9 are so much more relatable to me than any of the others, and I've found myself repeatedly saying them. I've very recently suffered a TBI, and whilst my bones and physical scars are nearly healed, I'm now starting to suffer with the reality of my TBI. I often find myself in tears from fear of what the future holds for me, and how much I will or won't recover. It's easy for people from the outside to say 'things will get better', because of how quick my physical recovery has been, but now I feel as if though they think I'm fixed, and am just putting on this 'act'. I feel a lot of the time they say the things stated here as they're either bored of hearing my moans, or because they think it's because I want the sympathy. I feel that finding this website this afternoon is going to be a big help in my recovery, people feel the same way as me and it's reassurance that I'm not making things up in my head

Great list, though I do not personally like being told I am strong or brave for having survived what someone else did to me. It does not take strength or bravery to survive a mild-traumatic brain injury, or to live with a stutter, cognitive issues, sleep deprivation, mood swings, headaches, tinnitus, or the back injury I sustained at the same time; all it takes is for someone to not look both ways before driving their car across the highway and into my motorcycle.

Instead of calling me strong or brave, just acknowledge a preventable thing having happened, and the associated permanent injuries have changed my life forever. I do not want to be brave or strong, anymore.

You'll want to find a place that specializes in neuro rehab. Depending on the severity of his accident, there are inpatient neuro rehab hospitals across the country that provide 3 hours of therapy a day while also providing medical and nursing care. If the accident is less severe, there are outpatient physical therapy centers that specialize in neuro rehab for speech as well as occupational and physical therapy. You can start my googling neurological rehab centers near you. Or, if his case is very severe and he wouldn't yet qualify for a rehab hospital, long-term acute care hospitals offer a lesser amount of rehab, focusing more on medical needs. If his insurance won't cover that, you'll need to search for a nursing home that offers rehab services. Hope this helps.

I had a stroke 2 years ago at the age of 33. I have aphasia from the stroke among other things. I had to learn how to speak and use language all over again (well enough to fake it to make it). Nobody knows anything about what I go through on a day to day basis. Whether it be trying to clean house (never seemed to irritate me as much or take as long, what was I saying?), oh yeah, calling to make appointments (wow people are rude), getting ready (see ya in 3 hrs; and I might need a nap after), figuring out what to cook for dinner (it my brain hurts among other things), oh the list goes on but seriously I can't remember. Everyone thinks I'm stupid; hell half the time I'm convinced of it too. It's a struggle every day. My husband no longer wants to spend time with me because I forget stuff (I'm still cheerful) he says I'm too annoying. Well, thanks! I'm all alone and I almost forgot I have 2 teenage boys that hate me. Everything has changed for the worst. No one makes it any better. Only worse. How the heck do people make it through this?

I am just convinced I need to "fake it til I make it" for the rest of my life, and apologize a lot for the mistakes I constantly make that I can't even remember happened. No one cares, no one is supportive, no one even believes me, I am a burden to everyone, and no one is going to help me out but me. So I just have to do it. No one is going to hold my hand or tell me it will all be okay. They are just going to be annoyed with me because they think I am mean, rude, dumb, and think I don't care and that's that. My sincerity will just be my solace, not meant to be recognized by anyone outside of myself, just known to myself as the truth I have always lived. So now I know how it is for stupid people: not much different than having anxiety as a smart person was, but with less data recall. Invisible disabilities really suck.

I got a moderate TBI 10 years ago  from being electrocuted and falling off a ladder at work. I've been on all sorts of medications and have been in therapy. Before the accident the world was my oyster, so to speak, but now the world is just a some weird place I'm living in. The first 5 years after my TBI  were most especially difficult for me because of my bouts with depression, suicidal thoughts, panic attacks, night terrors, and delusion thinking. The last 4 years I've been struggling with a gambling problem that may or may not be resulting from my TBI.( Some studies I've read suggest it does. I looked up the Iowa Gambling task and the Somatic marker Hypothesis). I tried to go to school (community college),but found it to be to difficult to learn. I was taking about one class a semester. My concentration skills  are messed up. But what I want to say is that when people say these 9 things to me- and they have- it doesn't bother me for several reasons. First, I don't expect them to understand what I'm going through because they haven't gone through it. Second, I understand that they are probably just as upset with my condition as I am. Lastly, I understand that in most cases they are just trying to help me get along in this world and help me to survive and maybe get better. And I appreciate that the people who are still in my life today, are treating me like they would treat any other person who "didn't" have a TBI  that acts the way I do when I with them. I find it better to be treated like some one as an equal instead of being coddled too because of my shortcomings.

ain't that the truth "think I forget on purpose"

I hate living with a TBI. It's been 12 since my car accident so everyone assumes I'm just grouchy or having a fit. Or if I'm aware of it I can make it stop. But my girlfriend doesn't understand there's nothing to stop. It's not something I have control over. I try and read what I can to understand what others are going through but it still doesn't mean that I can change where I go. I mean I try because I hate being out of control but it's not a button I can turn on or off. Then she gets mad at me and stops talking to me and it just makes it so much worse. When that happens I start to feel like I'm already dead inside. I just need someone who understands I'm really trying and need to talk about things and not burry them. I just don't know what to do anymore.

10"x 25' long oak limb fell from 30' up on me in my back yard, nurses said I was lucky; all I could think was, no I'd have been lucky if I watched the limb fall from a safe distance.

I had a stroke 14 years ago and I find myself repeating things. I am on some pretty sedating medications. I feel stupid, even though I completed a Master's degree post stroke, got married, learned to walk again, drive, have taken up latch-hook and macrame and adopted two new pets. I wish I knew what was going going on. I am a lot more obsessive than I was pre-stroke. Did anyone else have this problem?

Dear reservist in Florida: Thank you so much for your courage and persistence and for helping us all by sharing your story here.

I've been brain injured sense 9-07-88 , my skull shattered into my brain in Mass General hospital they removed all of my commonsense, parts of memory, parts of speech, parts of behavior, parts of motivation. yes I look fine and yes it takes about 10 years when you start to almost feel normal! But even my wife is like "you're lazy" but my mom she goes to bat for me every time, she was in the hospital when I got there September 7, 1988 - December 21, 1988 every day and when they thought that the doctors would need to remove my left eye, mom offered in the mass General to give me her left eye but they informed her that they do not handicapped one to help another!