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On November 11, the fifteen-year anniversary of the accident that changed everything came to pass. I marvel that it’s been a decade and a half since I was struck while cycling on Main Street.

I’ve had fourteen anniversaries before this year’s milestone. One might think they are all the same, but this year was tough. Perhaps the toughest. 

Last week, while scrolling through my news feed on social media, I had a rather abrupt realization: my life looks pretty normal these days. As I scrolled through my posts from the last few weeks, a picture emerged — a picture of someone enjoying life.

You might be asking yourself what changed. That’s the same question I asked myself. It’s a simple question with a complicated answer.

Brain injury anniversaries are complicated. Like an unseen gravitational force, my mind is drawn back to that day. But this year feels different. My anniversary is still many months away… but thoughts of it are already creeping in at unexpected times.

“There is an inherent value to lessons learned by living them.”

Brain injury survivor David Grant reflects on the fifteen years since his accident — and what he’s learned since his life changed.

And if there’s one thing that I’ve learned from having a brain injury and PTSD, it’s this ... recovery is not linear. There will be gains and there will be setbacks. But equally important, I know that attitude is everything. And despite how tired I can feel, I remain full of hope. And that covers a lot of ground.

For a long time after my brain injury, I was focused on the conventional definition of recovery. I wanted to get back to the place where I started. I wanted to be me again. But the passage of time, and lots of fighting my fate, have proven to me that there is no going back. I will never “get over” my brain injury. Like my shadow that follows me on a sunny day, I am forever bound to my brain injury. And today, I am okay with that.

The day after I was hit on my bike, a local neurologist literally high-fived me, telling me that I had no discernible neurological issues and sending me on my way. But it became painfully clear almost from the beginning that something was not right. 

When I started treatment again for my PTSD, I said that I'd give it 90 days. No sudden or irrational decisions, just a three-month treatment test drive. Ninety days have come and gone, but here I am, still not seeing any relief. What do I do?

If, within your own personal or professional circles, you know someone with a brain injury or PTSD who has been living the survivor life for years, please know that time does not equate to freedom from challenges. Reach out to those you know and ask how they are really doing. You might just be surprised by what you hear — and how much your asking means.

Last night, for the first time in a very long time, I had what I would call a deployment nightmare. I awoke to a cold sweat and heart palpitations.