The Truth About Divorce After Traumatic Brain Injury

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Its a relief to know there are others who understand what I'm going through. My wife has post concussive syndrome from an injury in early 2015. As she gets better physically, the emotional and mental issues have escalated. She is paranoid but open to keeping her friendships but she doesn't trust me and wants to leave the marriage. After 10 years together, this is quite heartbreaking. Only a miracle will keep us together.

I thought reading other people's testimonies would make me feel better about all of my emotions. It just validates what I already knew. This is hard, and it sucks. My husband had an accident in August 2015. TBI ....he hates me. And I am exhausted. My kids watch how he treats me, and try to protect me. They shouldn't have to witness this, but what do I do?

My wife had a TBI 20 months ago. She's been horrible to me and her parents pretty much since she came round from here coma. She's ok with everyone else. It's like she can't stand me, I'm left as a single dad of two young children and this person who looks like my wife but is like a stranger to me. Our children avoid her and don't want to spend any time with her as she is pretty hard on them too. It's not her fault but me and the children are the ones that are suffering. My wife blames me and the children as we are the ones who have changed. I'm trapped in a very unhappy marriage that I cannot see is ever going to get better. She has told me she doesn't want to be with us anymore but she can't live on her own as she needs 24/7 care which we cannot afford and the government will only pay a small amount of money to help with. I don't want to see her put in a care home so I'm completely trapped. I can't move on. 

It's a very difficult thing to go through. My husbands tbi was 18 years ago & it completely changed him. His personality has definitely changed. Most days I feel like he hates me. He says he doesn't but the way he acts makes me believe differently.

In 2005 age 53 my husband had a stroke. We had been married 11 years. He fully recovered physically but mentally was never the same. He was and always will be the love of my life. I find myself living with 'a man'  I never married. He suffers from Post Traumatic stress syndrome, Anxiety and depression. I loved and supported him thru all of this ( plus cancer ) for 10 and a half years. I am finally leaving him after being verbal and emotionally abused for over 10 years. I kept telling myself he could not help it?! It is not his fault. No the stroke was not his fault but doing nothing at all about his mental state and bad behaviour  and nothing to help our marriage is his fault! We now find ourselves about to be divorced. He is not prepared to help himself and get mental assistance....why because he thinks there is nothing wrong him?! People will say I am abandoning him but I say no i am not! He abandoned 'us'.He had choices and chose not to get it is my turn to make a choice for me. Being 8 years younger I have a lot more time on this earth to find some peace and quiet in my life and be happy. I know I will always love him but I'm in love with the old husband and he is gone!

Ten years ago, I married my husband after he suffered a stroke the year prior. At the time, the was hope for recovery, not full, but significant. To make a long story, short, There was very little progress to plateau and now decline. I still love him. but caring for him is like caring for a baby, There has never been any intimacy since the stroke therefore my love for him is like loving a brother. I fell my life slipping away from lack of life and living. With the help of friends, I started getting my life back...went back to work and becoming social again. My husband is starting to not remember me unless I'm in his presence. I would never desert him, but life is short and I want to move on with my life. Eventually, he'll end up in a nursing home. and then what am I suppose to do with my life?   

We made a marriage vow 51 years ago that still stands.We're in it together.

After a stroke and several TIA's I was separated and now heading for divorce after 25 years of marriage.  However, it's not because of the burden on my wife.  It's because of my renewed outlook on the fragility and limited nature of our lives.  I view it as a positive thing even though my TBI was, and still is, a devastating injury to myself physically, mentally and emotionally.  So, while some look at our spouses 'abandoning' us, as if we are the problem, how about looking at the injury as awaking us to what matters and giving us the courage to leave?

I must wonder about the study reporting the zero divorce rate after injury after age 60. I am 65 and had serious closed head brain injury from a fall five years ago. That was followed by two hemorrhagic strokes in malformed arteries resulting from the trauma. Together this has produced general and very specific forms of disconnection syndrome that especially affect my left brain control of my right brain emotional responses.

I was very recently examined in a psychiatric hospital unit for several weeks and no psychiatric problems were found. However, while there my wife of 44 years informed me that she would not be at home to greet me when I was discharged. We are now permanently separated as I cannot risk myself again to the extreme level of emotional pain I suffered when she told me she was leaving. There was no physical abuse ever involved and never any form of "wandering" or cheating by either of us. My wife simply has not been able to deal with the severe change of emotional control I have experienced.

The damage to my corpus callosum was extensive so brain hemispheres are partially disconnected and will remain that way. I now live alone in an apartment and the house we did live in is on the market. This is the worst thing that has ever happened to me and I have no way out of it and very little left to live for. I will never kill myself but it will be a relief when that time comes.

7 years and feel like others.  Why us and life should have been so different.  He tries to pretend he has not changed but can be so different, especially with my family.  I don't think we would be together if it wasn't for the children.

After my husband's accident he is definitely not the person I married. I will wake up to a different person each day never knowing what mood he will be in or what type of person he will be. Most days he is bearable and others I want to run away. What type of person would I be for leaving him when this wasn't his fault? But do I deserve to be miserable for the rest of my life? I have struggled with this for a long time....

I feel exactly the same way- 11 years post stroke and I am at my breaking point, now has white matter disease, only more miserable as he loses more memory, and function. What kind of person leaves after 40 years of marriage. I feel I should just ride it out.

His tbi injury happened 15 years ago and there's almost not a day that goes by that he does something to remind me he is not the person I fell in love with. I'm often like "who is this guy" and "why did this happen to us?" I am so sad because our lives should have been so different. Had I met him and he was like this I never would have been in a relationship with him. I hate my life with this stranger. Why? Just why?

I find myself making poor decisions in my marriage and work life.  I like to think its unrelated to my injury but I don't know after reading this and other articles.  My injury was about seven and a half years ago which seems to be about the magic number for things to really unravel.  

After my injury my wife of 6 yrs , girlfriend of 20 baby mama of 12 left stating I was no longer the guy she married. I have to say I would not have done the same.

I had a brain injury in 2008, I was in hospital and physiotherapy for 6 months,I wasn't married but as my girlfriend of 2 years was there for me I decided to marry her that will come back to backfire on me. I was a party man and was out all the time plus I followed my football team all over the country. After the accident I had to learn how to walk and talk again as I was paralysed down one side of the body.
The girl , knew what she was getting into as we didn't get married until 2012, but still brought my injury up all the time and would say DO YOU SEE WHAT I NEED TO PUT UP WITH, when I would forget something with my memory loss. I had a lot of money and when my savings got low she said I want out, I cant put up with you anymore and finished it at the end of 2018. I changed as a person and wasn't confident and let her walkover the top of me, and since we have split I have my confidence back and my old personality is coming back. At the end of the day its a bad thing at the time but in the long run its so much better.

How did you correct for your acknowledged statistical bias in your study sample ("only 15% of subjects were separated or divorced"), when the separated/divorce rate in the general population is higher?