What Happens to Relationships After Brain Injury?

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im not sure many people would agree with this but a relationship after a TBI sucked for me at least, i dont have many friends most of my friends are female and disabled and older than me i kind of like that though in some sort of way

im 7 years in and have lost everything my life my family and my wife heading to divorce soon and then a nursing home oh yippy what a life 

My TBI happened, I was almost 9 & was going to a really small town school. Less than 1/2 a year after my accident, I returned to my 3rd grade classroom &..... Long story short, everyone at school had to learn to live with it because A) I wasn't goin' anywhere & B) The school wouldn't get rid of me at the cost of losing state aid. My oldest niece was born 8 months and 10 days before my car accident so, she didn't know pre-injury Aunt Gerty. Now, I have 5 more nieces + a nephew who never knew me before my TBI, I think I was able to connect with the kids better as they were growing up b/c I was re-learning some of the basics at the same time they were learning the same thing the first time through

I have a tbi and I am 19 and at UK, do NOT get embarrassed or annoyed or angry with people who have traumatic brain injuries. We can't help it, plus we almost died. My family is embarrassed of me often because I say things that aren't appropriate. My wreck made me change, and I hate who I am now, but can't help it.


My husband suffered a TBI in Feb of 2015. This has been a nightmare. I was reading some of the comments and can relate totally. I do everything for this man, who I love and he has no idea how much I am doing. He don't appreciate it, nor does he even understand. My son is suffering so bad. Our lives are totally changed. We went from a loving family, who did everything together, to living a complete nightmare. My son was so close to his dad. All the plans they had of things they were going to do, are all gone. This is so hard for me deal with. I now, am his nurse. Who he treats like crap. He is angry, defiant, and mean at times. He has pain all over his body and he feels terrible about himself. He is inappropriate at times and i fear if someone is in our company what he will say or do. I too have be doing this all on my own. This is the hardest thing i have ever gone through in my life, without a doubt. The emotional part is devastating. If anyone needs to talk, you can email me at buckycarlo@yahoo.com. Getting support is the best thing we can do for ourselves. Good luck to everyone and God Bless. Mary

Relationships after brain injury? I am more than 25 years into being a survivor of TBI. I had multiple brain injuries but one was the big one that caused years of frustration, sadness, mania maybe due to docs acting in good faith but treating the wrong thing. For this, i am not angry at doctors just very disappointed. I'm more angry that I lost my life in the brain injury and i remember when I woke up, the nurse sounded so happy and ran to get a doctor, but most days I wish that I had never woken up. Well-meaning people point to me in pictures when I look happy and say "see, you were happy here, but to me I do not recognize self in these pics; it as if I were putting on a show just so people will pass over me and not ask so many questions. The biggest thing tha caused me problem was that I could not gauge sarcasm.and still struggle in this area. And if topics are changed suddenly, i feel like a real phony. I feel delayed in keeping with the shift. I feel as if i were playing along only to not look dumb. The hardest part for me has been knowing how many people I let down and how many hearts I have hurt. I am in constant grief. I wake-up almost daily grieving what might have been if I were never injured. Another difficult area is that I have been told that I look well and seem "smarter". I have been told numerous times that I have high IQ. I also look good.  well, not so much anymore and actually in a strange way I want to look bad. you see I have the ability or had had the ability to attract many people. But this later end in sudden break-ups and I have little "feeling memory". I could tell you facts about what happened or what was said, in fact, this part of my memory has seemed to improve, well, not so much now as I am approaching old age and have much of the normal memory issues. I remember much about my mother's funeral, but felt i experienced nothing emotionally and this was not because of some sort of denial or psychological defense. I am on my way to get married in the near future but I feel my future spouse is very frustrated with me. Sometimes, i think she may be embarrassed by me and her family seem very distant from me. People tell me a lot that I just don't add up and i can feel their frustration but I do not process what this means to them. The fatigue was the worse part for the first year. I spent most of it just staring at the ceiling. Doctors treated my "depression" which was not an untruth because I was in major depression. I enjoyed nothing. I never looked again at a "ski" magazine and I had been so into skiing. I remember going once after my injury and I could actually ski well, but I had no passion anymore for the sport. I faked a passion because because I knew that it should have been there. I "acted out" very few times and when I did I felt great remorse..It was probably because I was a peaceful person before, but I did not become a yeller and most people felt that I was very easy to be around until I acted "pensive" or said something very inappropriate. Many time i would just repeat something that I just heard or read and people thought they were my feelings. I think here is where we arrive at the the biggest problem. Poor mutual understanding which leads to arguments or fights that should never have taken place. .But most people said it was that I became isolated and they missed me or felt rejected. The anti-depressants helped me to work again and I ended up working in my profession, but I was oblivious to the office games and as a result usually passed over or dismissed in some way even though I had good evaluations. The problem with TBI and PTSD is that they are not well understood by the general public- not even doctors understand and another big problem is that I think people understood/understand and then find out that they didn't or do not. My religious friends who I respect, think that it is a result of a sinful life style.  My brother who has strong faith sees it all as being spiritual. This makes me want to avoid him and this makes him think that I am rejecting his faith. I decided to be born again for two reason- one I knew that I did live a sinful life style and was remorseful and needed to repent regardless of reasons for my misbehaviors and I feel that there is a god  and two because I wanted to fit in more and be accepted by society. But getting accepted by society has not happened and it may never happen. This saddens me on many frints. One is that I have many gifts that are going wasted. And two I find life meaningless without being able to serve others. It is safe to say that I wish that I never woke  in Dec. of 1991. I like the person who wrote that pity is feeling sorry for one's predicament and empathy is taking action. I have learned this on a deep level; thus,  i am very good at "acting" upon other's problems, but when their problem is over and they do not need me, they usually find me as being socially a problem to have around. Who has understood? Usually a combat vet or someone from a developing country or a child or a very old person. An example would be my daughter's older sister who was about 8 years and and she cried in hysteric fashion after seeing the movie "I Am Sam" about a mentally challenged adult. I asked without a clue, why she was crying so much and she said because I was like Sam and that made her sad. And ironically, the "uneducated" accept me more.So getting old and less physically appealing and having memory problems and mood changes is much easier as I can more and more blame it on age. I wish that I never saw a doctor.

I met a man online who had a massive hemmhorragic..hemhh...augh!!! (am I spelling that right?) stroke.  He had a stroke.  OK.  So!  He's in a chair and has speech problems, left side weakness, right side atrophy, whole nine-yards.  I didn't know the extent until I met him face-to-face.  Day 1:  I bawled like a baby.  I didn't know what to expect.  Well, yesterday was our 1-month anniversary.  There's a lot of stuff in between there; major stigma and judgment.  Hell, the facility he lives in won't even let us hang out without supervision.  They all think I'm trying to take advantage of a man in a wheelchair with a TBI that can't think for himself.  Jokes on them, because he's way more intelligent than most of them put together.  His insight?  Unsurpassed.  And when he told me the other day, "They need to understand I'm injured, not f.ing stupid" I knew he was the man for me.   

I am an occupational therapist and have worked on a Brain Injury Team for inpatient Rehabilitation and for outpatient therapy.  I also am involved personally with a young friend, now 19 years old, who had a brain injury when she was around 12 years old. She is dealing with a lot of relationship problems and some difficult barriers transitioning to independent adulthood.  I was just reading through the comments from this article and noticed many struggles expressed, but not a lot of answers.  I do recommend cognitive evaluations by a neuropsychologist to help you understand changes in the way you process information.  I also recommend seeking out a brain injury support group to find resources for counseling by appropriately skilled therapists regarding relationships and changed roles and responsibilities.  A support group also is a good resource to realize you are not alone, and you are not crazy.  This is helpful for the person with the brain injury and the caregivers/loved ones.  Personality, communication skills, information processing, ability to accurately evaluate yourself all are apt to have changes after a brain injury.  Understanding yourself and your loved ones is so helpful.  Be patient with yourselves and your loved ones- both as one with TBI and family/friends/caregivers.  Seek out support.  This is a hard road to travel alone, but with support and skilled resources, can turn into a beautiful journey together.  


my wife suffered cardiac arrest seven days after our second child was born, i saved her life. although she survived she suffered brain injuries after having back to back seizures for three consecutive days (one after the other every minute) must have had close to 3000 seizures in a row until they finally subsided.  her memory is shot, college education is gone, never talks about her past life friends, family, etc., and to top it off she has no motivation for anything. its been THREE years now.  i am still here but barely hanging on. my kids are suffering thru this to as my wife is not able to be a Mom to our kids. she cant take care of herself either.  thru all of my sacrifices, she still is combative harsh and abrasive with me. it hurts. after all of this time, she doesnt know what i have done for her. i am sad and wanting to go. this isnt how our lives were supposed to be. i want my kids away from the crazy talk and abrasive combative behavior, but i dont want to take them from their mom.  i dont think its fair that i might have to take us out of here to protect the kids well being and self esteem etc...i know i have to do whats best for us, i am just hanging on thinking that she will come around, but when???? will she come around? i dont know? is this chance worth it? i dont think anything will change, just maybe over time she will chill out hopefully. i just want my kids to be happy first and foremost.  life is cruel. oh yeah, i get no help from anyone too. no one calls us ever!!!!!!!!!!!!

My husband incurred multiple traumatic brain injuries while serving our country in Iraq. The long term effects are very noticeable. He is a sweet loving and sensitive person. However his memory is shot. He cannot tolerate crowds people Loud noises and the cognitive confusion along with migraine headaches can be unbearable on certain days. His massive injuries were a result of 5 different explosions. The final one was caused by an ied that blew up his armored vehicle. That was 8 years ago and he is permanently disabled due to the long term effects. He cannot work and completing menial tasks at home is often difficult. He helps with the kids and he can drive. But the suffering he endures daily is really sad. We are in our thirties and I won't leave him. For better or worse. But I must admit. Some days are worse than others.

My husband had an accident in 2012, he suffered major body trauma and head injury. A concussion, they said. They said it would heal in time, it was not serious they said,  but they did not say that we should watch for these changes: Inability to concentrate. Memory issues. Anger issuse. Headaches over two years later. Inability to be around crowds, noise, etc. Anxiety issues. Risky behavior such as drinking which he rarely did before. He says things now that contradict themselves. Has trouble remembering conversations and what was said. They did not tell us this might happen that it might cost us our marriage. He asked me for a divorce last week. Why? Because I know the man he used to be, and he is not that man anymore. He feels he needs to reinvent himself as the man he is now. He has not accepted himself as he is, even though his family has. He admits that this is him, not me or our family, he still loves me/us...All of this tracks back to that horrible day.... WTH? 

I was in a car accident March 2012 which took my husband's life & I was in a coma about 3 weeks head injury, broken bones crushed feet permanent nerve damage but was told no brain damage but I'm beginning to wonder if I really do have brain damage, I can't remember some things I don't have friends my kids rarely talk to me & I dated a man for about a year which took a bad turn & I don't know why but now I don'tgo aanywhere or trust anyone because I fell for this guy who claimed he loved me even talked marriage then dumped me, is it possible I do have brain damage? Or was he just looking for the money or am I just desperate because of feeling lonely? I've been so hurt mentally & physically that I want to die, I don't feel like I belong in this world. I really believe I do have brain damage. How do I know for sure? Looking for help, please?

I am a man who has fallen in love with such a wonderful woman with a TBI. I am trying so hard to understand and adjust to her condition. I make her soup when she is sick, I massage her feet with oils. I write her love letters and bring her flowers to bring some joy into her life. I have some familiarity with this because I was married to a woman previously who had moderate ADHD. We were together for almost 40 years. I am trying so hard to be loving and patient with this woman but perhaps I am too sensitive. One day she calls, then I don't hear from her for days. When we are together, she is always rushed and need to do many erranda. I certainly feel the love she has for me but she is reticent to express it, admit it to herself, and to me. Love is a two way street and I also need the emotional feedback of a loving relationship. I patiently wait but how long can I wait? I have offered to meet with her therapist to better learn more about how I may adjust to her condition, and how to bring us closer together. I have to admit, many days I am quite sad about this but loving her will keep me hanging on. I will not run away from this. I wish I could talk to someone as I feel quite alone as she mustwith her TBI.

I was having seizures after weekly benzo benges and seizures when I was out of the drug. 2 years, 20 siezures, and who knows how many concussions later I have finally got off the benzo and the siezures have subsided. Head aches never go away and I hardly can leave my bed. Also I am a very angry person n9w, which I never used to be. I need a reason to keep going. If I didn't have my faith I would have pulled a Robin Williams by now.

I had no idea that forums like this existed. I was previously in a severe car accident when a drunk driver smashed into my car going over 100mph in a 40. My car veered to the right and smashed into a tree and flipped. Ever since then, (which was 5 months ago) my life completely changed for the worse. I have had severe lumbar back pain and my PTSD has shot through the roof. My life has changed for the worse. I was starting a business and I completely forgot most of the information I needed for graphic design and I constantly get nervous over everything. I'm always irritable for no reason and I can't control it. I met with a neuropsychologist who said I have mild brain injury and I just broke down and cried. I feel absolutely alone and no one has any idea of what I'm going through. People think I constantly forget things and I'm annoying. I do my best to improve but I'm constantly insulted day in and day out and I have no one to turn to. Luckily my parents have been there for me from day one but I have absolutely no social life and I'm horrified of when someone drives up behind me and I freak out. It's awful. I'm sorry that you are all going through the same thing but I'm relived I'm not going through this alone. I fear that within a year i'll be completely alone physically and mentally. No one wants to be around me anymore. I feel absolutely helpless. 

been almost 5 years now... I have severe TBI... everyone deserts you - your left all on your own to try and figure out how to live...  hard - what's point... nobody to share anything with... just jump from from place to another - cry every day - can't sleep - can't eat - no medicine works....  just overwelming - no reason to try

I am thankful for all of your stories on here. I sustained a traumatic head injury in an automobile crash 19 years ago. At the time, I was deemed "lucky to be alive", although I have questioned that at times over the past 19 years. I saw a neurologist for a few years after my injury but haven't seen a neurologist in about 10 years now. Since my accident, I have been married twice and divorced twice. While I love people, I struggle with relationships when they get to a certain point. I have spent years beating myself up and have endured a great deal of depression and emotional set backs. I am a fighter and hate to admit defeat, but have over the past few years begun to realize that my "issues" are a little deeper than most. Afraid of being told I'm bipolar or some other diagnosis, lack of insurance, buried in debt and with two ex wives that would prefer me dead, I have not bothered to seek help. I have never had any thoughts of hurting myself or anything on that level, but I desperately wish there was someone who could just understand how it felt and not ask me "what the hell is wrong with you?". I met a woman this morning in her 70's that shared the story of her husbands brain injury that happened around the same time as mine but a lot worse. I opened up some to her and she encouraged me to seek out some support. It has made my day just to know I am not as alone as I have felt, and I am going to seek out a local support group. Thanks again to everybody on here for sharing your stories. Your life is very valuable.

I'm married to a man with brain injury ADD ADHD. It's been a nightmare. I Has no idea how compromised he was. We've worked thru alot but when things seem to get better then he says something that makes no sense has an anger problem and is so confused in explaining himself and speaks in a confused impulsive manner. It has caused me much distress, depression. And have to take meds just to live with him. It's traumatizing to me. I've learned to pull away from him, but it's lonely and I know as long as I'm with him my life will always feel fractured and missing the ingredients for a fulfilled normal marriage. He's broken, therefore were broken. We pray and that's the only thing toe that keeps me objective. I would have never decided to marry him if I knew how awful it would be to exist with a person that can't function and carry on a normal conversation most the time what a normal conversation turns into no sense saying something that makes no sense or his inability to process what I'm saying,

I was in a very bad wreck when I was 18 years old. I was speeding to my friends house going around 90mph I hit a ditch due to it raining and it was windy. Since then every single day is a struggle. I suffered a Tbi along with broken bones. The tbi is the worst though. I am so strong willed and I refuse to take any medications. I push myself to the limits everyday, by eating right, exercising, and putting myself into a stressful situation so that hopefully my brain will recognize it and one day I wont have anxiety about the situation. I am 22 years all of my relationships I had are gone now, or they have changed dramatically. But I have seen major progress in every aspect. Though life gets me down almost everyday I still fight because love the person I use to be and I won't give up on myself. Anxiety is the worst part, if every situation doesn't go perfect my mind just shuts down, but I have been dealing with it through staying quite and being polite, and realIzing it's just a part of my brain injury and I will overcome it. Though life is hard and I hate it sometime I try to make the best of it. I take care of disabled people for a living now. I don't get paid much but I feel a little better knowing I'm not on welfare (no offense). If anyone has any tips on how to cope with a server tbi or if anyone wants to chat that would be great

I was in a very bad wreck when I was 18 years old. I was speeding to my friends house going around 90mph I hit a ditch due to it raining and it was windy. Since then every single day is a struggle. I suffered a Tbi along with broken bones. The tbi is the worst though. I am so strong willed and I refuse to take any medications. I push myself to the limits everyday, by eating right, exercising, and putting myself into a stressful situation so that hopefully my brain will recognize it and one day I wont have anxiety about the situation. I am 22 years all of my relationships I had are gone now, or they have changed dramatically. But I have seen major progress in every aspect. Though life gets me down almost everyday I still fight because love the person I use to be and I won't give up on myself. Anxiety is the worst part, if every situation doesn't go perfect my mind just shuts down, but I have been dealing with it through staying quite and being polite, and realIzing it's just a part of my brain injury and I will overcome it. Though life is hard and I hate it sometime I try to make the best of it. I take care of disabled people for a living now. I don't get paid much but I feel a little better knowing I'm not on welfare (no offense). If anyone has any tips on how to cope with a server tbi or if anyone wants to chat that would be great

I worked very sucessfully (not money-wise) in a career that I loved and then I had a accidental ABI (toxic exposures to solvents).  It is funny how since I can not explain how I feel or act to people to try to help them understand me, they all fall back on "you look good".  It is very frustrating. And all those people have left me.  I have two friends that have stayed with me and they do understand and accept me in my new normal but I do not see them so often.  I am home alone most of the time since my husband works.  I guess I talk too much when I talk to people and ramble.  I garden hard all summer and spring and fall when the weather is nice and I listen on my head phones to books that I will not remember but it is nice to listen to someone read to you and it makes the time go fast.  It is lonely.  Very lonely.  Friend leave, family relationships change so much, since I have zero libedo the physical part of being married is about giving my husband joy and cuddling and that is good.  I am trying to make my new normal okay with me.  But without other people it is very hard and lonely.

My TBI happened over 40 years ago. Little was known about TBI back then. Only during the past few years have I been able to understand & explain why I feel the way I feel, and why my life has gone the way it has. Relationships have been difficult at best, and they seem to get more difficult as I age. That said, I'm still learning about TBI, and I am unwilling to give up.

My brain injury happened at age 27.  It was epilepsy.  It went on for 17 years and loss of two wives because they couldn't take it.  I did have surgery for it.  I still have issues and no one to take care of me.  I moved from the big city to my little town because I thought I would have more friends because that is where I grew up and lived until college.  I have been here three years and no friends and depression and killing me now.  A town of 3500 and nothing for me.  What a mistake this was.  Nothing to do in a town of 3500.  Wish me luck to get out of here.

Thank you for writing this. It was like looking into a mirror. Seeing everything in print, knowing that others go through it, is comforting.

I had an auto accident while going to work. I fell asleep at the wheel and hit a tree head on at about 60mph. I was lucky to survive the accident but left me with a TBI and chronic pain from all the broken bones I received. I was in an induced coma for a month and told that I had died twice. When I got home finally I spent the next 5 months relearning how to do things but watching my family suffer from loads of bills I returned to work after 6 months after the accident. I had several mini strokes and still have tempral lobe seizures so now disabled. My wife at the time decided we should move in with her mother to help with the bills which was the biggest mistake I have ever made in my life. She told me just about every day when we got there She wanted her Old husband back and that I wasnt the guy she married. After 5 years of hearing this and marital counseling that she didnt pay attention to, I asked for a divorce. She asked me If I still loved her, but to be honest I dont feel love anymore. Yes I needed her, mainly as someone that cared for me and was there when I had siezures so that I wasnt alone. Now here it is 5 years after, I get to see my kids once a year or not at all cause they have jobs, and I have to pay for them to come to me which isnt cheap. I have two dogs, they are the reason I still am here. Is that part of frontal brain injuries? lost of the emotion Love? I would like to be in a relationship but worry about this lost emotion. There are days and weeks I am depressed and dont want anyone around me. I shop one day at a time and usually real late at night or early morning cause I have a hard time around crowds. Would therapy help me find the emotion again or is it lost forever.

Friends of ABI.I hope you received my last note.  I had a Brain Tumor , it was removed.  I also have epilepsy. I had to learn to walk,talk, balance is gone, vision is less but I still have a good outlook on life.  During this I went through a divorce.  I am a survivor.  Exercise dear friends and recharge your brain.  It takes time and a lot of mental thoughts. Take care and don't  ever ever give up on yourselves.

I sustained  head injuries as a child from child abuse and a car accident and then as a teen I tried to kill myself and ended up causing more damage. I have 1 friend who I love like a sister that I met in my early 20's but if it wasn't for her i would completely alone. I try to go on online forums and find I run into the same problems as I do in person, people don't understand and they don't care. I always wanted to be a mom but that was taken from me by my own parents who caused me this stupid injury and I am depressed and angry and scared and alone.

Thank you for validating all of these struggles that I've been experiencing.  During the past 9 months since the accident, I've felt more lonely than I think I've ever felt before...and that's coming from someone who has battled significant clinical depression for 13 years.  It's nice to be reminded that I'm not alone in this.  It would be really helpful to have some tips for managing these limitations, explaining these struggles to non-TBI friends/relatives, or learning how to overcome our new insecurities.  

Im going through this for last 2 years...

I suffered a chemical brain injury due to improper administration of antibiotics, and then a mTBI 5 months later. It took a lot of my personality, intelligence, and health away. I can never have a career, and probably can't live independently. I still have friends, but people I loved dearly left me because I was no longer the same person. I know they are right. But they get to walk away with their grief and continue on with their lives intact. I get to live with the knowledge they are correct and I am lost to myself, and I have disappointed everyone I love. Caregivers and friends can walk away, and experience the loss like one would experience an interpersonal loss. Then they can live their lives. Survivors get to experience that same loss, as well as the knowledge of losing themselves. We can't escape.

It was interesting to read of those wondering about having relationships or relationships that hadn't gone on long enough for marriage, and the healthy one leaving. I've already posted before (the 1st one I think) so I understand plenty about TBI and relationships.  More than I want to know!  I'm being honest in my OWN opinion. Every TBI is different.  TBI is hard on the patient, and very hard on the caregiver who is watching their loved on go down hill.  They don't understand what is happening.  Seeing the pain, or confusion, or not able to do what they used to do... Realizing that person had changed and this will NOT get some better (if it's in the early stages) or this is how it will be. NO MATTER WHATEVER THE ISSUE IS IN LIFE, relationships have backpacks., The interview is over and all the junk is poured out.  For some, they know they can not do it forever.  They hurt badly when they have to tell you, but they know themselves enough to know they can't do it.  So in a way, they have done a favor by NOT marrying, then going through all the divorce issues. 

Saying Goodbye is very hard, but sometimes it may save us more grief in the long run. 

Those who have been in a long term relationship/marriage is very painful. Hopefully, a type of "friendship" can be maintained (if that is wanted), and every thought has been put into "keeping your self esteem intact".  It's not about YOU, it is about what happened.  It's a shame, but you are still the wonderful you.

Therapy maybe needed, if you feel you aren't coping well.  But read up on Grief.  You will be surprised to find that grief is physical and mental and has very definite symptoms.  And I hope you have someone who will stand by.

For those alone.... I beg you to join groups, to ask someone to lunch, a neighbor, an acquaintance, someone who you feel okay with being together for an hour.  THIS IS NOT A DATE.  And preferably someone who is of the same sex.  If they ask questions, give the short version in a positive way.  When friendships develop, telling more can be the final test!:)  Those that fall in love, or choose to become close friends, are choosing you because of YOU, not because of anything else.

And there's the ones that are down right cruel.  Hopefully, you can get away as far as you can.

Not all have this problem.  I lost most of my friends, and it split the family because some put a time limit on my "illness" and "TBI" and I had gone past the limit of sickness.  The don't understand the issues we have or how it makes us feel. 

It's okay to have a good friend that doesn't understand, but believes you.  That is a real friend.  Websites that validate your feelings and issues are very helpful.  Thank goodness for Google!  Here are great site for everyone and I hope you find them useful. www.brainline.org (my fave)   FB: Chronic Pain Education for Patients, Friends and Family, www.invisibledisabilities.org (Fabulous), and many groups on FB.

When one is swimming up hill, it IS hard.  It can be done.  I would be easier with support, but we can drum up our own if we have too!  Life is about having a friend, not a spouse, to have happiness.  When our concentration is elsewhere, something beautiful occurs that is a miracle!  YOU become the miracle, because you have stepped out on shaky ground and begun to build your confidence.  Detour around Toxic people, just as we would Toxic waste!

 I bet you have more empathy, etc... than some who have not had some hard experiences!  Use the "gift" and you'll make a difference in many lives.

This subject can not be discussed in a short portion here.  There are many things to consider, but hitting on the highlights. My computer is acting up, so I apologize if words are not where they belong!

involve pain, etc...  Check out the tabs.  And the most popular is

Rumors are ridiculous, but think of them like this:  Rumors are events that we did or something that happened to us that we weren't aware of!  We may learn we lead a very exciting life! :)

Dear Feb 23, 12:05pm:

I was shocked to read your note, as that is ALMOST my story 13 years ago this March.  It's pretty much hell on earth, but it doesn't have to be if there was enough love and empathy to care enough to READ information on what I was going through~!  Education and knowledge helps keep families together in cases like this.  As I'm sure you are aware, rumors begin, friends turn their back - the ones that are shocking because you REALLY thought they were your friends, and you end up with a couple who are by your side because they truly understand the need for support.  At first, my husband read.  My kids?  I was just in the way, stayed in trouble for being so dumb, and for friends and relatives - I had passed the time of being sick, so now "get with it"!  The things that are said are astounding.  And the question that comes up is why is there ISOLATION?  Possibly for protection of your feelings!  Many would find it shocking if they asked me if I was glad to be here. "NO"!  I have the perfect "life" on the outside, but behind the doors, I don't feel worthy to ask anything of my children, friends family, or most neighbors.  WHY?  Why is that a question----- is what I'd ask~!  If someone keeps saying "NO" and has excuses kin to "I've got to wash my hair", that tells me something.  Some have issues that I don't understand, but it's not mine to judge.  Those that give those excuses, yet on FaceBook, there are pictures filled that day or weekend, or week of pleasures all day.  While I think that is wonderful, and am glad they are enjoying their fruits of their labor, do they not have one hour for a friend?  I'd call it "love".  The "love chapter" in the bible says it all, yet it does give us time for pleasure.  And, what does that teach their children?  And we wonder why we have so many selfish children/young people out there?  I don't expect ANYTHING I wasn't willing to do when I was able.  Teaching my children to go to visit those in nursing homes, ill, doing for them, etc... was what was taught me.  So to me, I'm shocked when it is mentioned that I can't cook (lost that ability) and my husband is exhausted when he comes home and puts on his "wife hat", and nothing is done 99% of the time.  There is pity (sorry without action), and rarely compassion (sorry WITH action).  I think of Job a lot and realize that in this type situations, many things are brought to light.  Who are our REAL friends?  What are others responses, and what are my responses (thankful, grateful for all they do?), and make it pleasant so they will return.  Many believe we should not think about it, not talk about it, not join groups, not write, yet they ask us to COPE!  That is why it's hard to keep calm, when advice is given that has no revelance to it, yet we smile and try to keep going and keep friends.  The hardest part emotionally of TBI and Chronic Pain is how we are treated that is undermining, and usually we have our other senses strong, and can "feel" when another is critical or disgusted.  And why would we want to socialize?  Yes, it's hard because of the TBI, and sometimes I would push harder if I knew there would not be other factors to "fight" to keep a positive outlook.   So,  please, Feb. 23rd, 12:05pm, keep going, someday someone will come into your life that will help you physically.  We all know that complaining does nothing, but at some point we come across that one person we can really talk too and NOT pay for their services! :)  We can do this, with God as our strength.

Painfully yours.

I was 17 when I received my injury and now 23. Alot of this is very true. I had many friends come visit me in the hospital but when I got out it seemed like they all disappeared. My family as well except for my mother and father but brothers, sisters and cousins all try and avoid me. Because of not having friends I became a real loner. I did join a support group in Phoenix Arizona. I would definitely recommend this location for either patients looking for help or to socialize with other victims and do events. As for me, I found that working out everyday has calmed my anger down immensely and works my self confidence back up. I just now got a relationship in many years and so far is going good. Wish me luck and I hope for all other TBI patients that luck is on your side. I understand what you are going through but stand tall, keep your chin up and continue to move on, things will get better in life. P.S. I did drugs and drank alot coming out of the hospital and that was a HORRIBLE idea. Try your best not to fall in that rut!
My husband suffered a brain bleed back in February of this year, 2013, due to a blow to his head. It was then determined he had a very rare condition called a cavernous hemangioma. This mass of vessels sat mid brain stem on his relay of the brain at the Thalamus. Since the location of the mass was so complex his condition was noted to be non-operable, by all surgeons we had seen. We were living with a time bomb. I left my job the day of his injury and flew out to be with him, since it happened out of town. I have never left his side since. I am his 24/7 caregiver and I do everything and have seen everything. We struggled for months trying to locate a surgeon. One doctor told us he would help us find help with someone either in our area or within our Country. May of 2013 we were blessed to have found our amazing surgeon out of UVA in Charlottesville, VA. The most profound surgeon, team and medical district I have ever seen. After meeting with our Dr.L, we were contemplating surgery. Gamma Knife was not an option. May 30th 2013 my husband underwent one of the most complex surgeries. Dr. L told us the morning of that this hemangioma actually grew about 40% from the previous MRI we had. I believe the surgery was about 10-12 hours total. We spent all summer between the hospital and rehab there and then readmitted in August for Hydrocephalus in the brain where we needed to go in for a shunt placement. My husband had a difficult time with getting off the ventilator and then needed a trach. Also feed tubes, G-tube and J-arm due to complications. A portion of the skull is gone due to swelling of the brain and has not been replaced. We have undergone in-house PT, Speech and OT and now are being evaluated for out-patient therapies. He is now able to walk with his "roller" and he tries to help in the kitchen and I take him to the ocean front to breath. His physical outward wounds are healing nicely but now we are in the phase of the "inward" wounds. The ones that no one can see. I had no idea as to what TBI was or what to expect. I can tell you that even myself I had a breakdown and ended up in the hospital from all the stress I witnessed him going through.. I had to have a surgical procedure done on my esophagus due to the stress my body underwent. My husband is still very much confused and sees people that are not here nor have been, some have passed away. Much of the day he sleeps, he also developed sleep apnea from this surgery/trauma/ so recovery is just frustrating. He may seem to be in the hear and know but then just an hour or hours later he forgets what the day was like and I have to repeat it again. Night time he goes into anxiety mode and I will have to keep looking at his 9-10 inch scar on his head with a flashlight for an hour or two straight to reassure him that it is okay. The recovery phase we are in is tough. I am seeing more outbursts and temper and anger and much depression. I am his punching bag in the sense where he takes everything out on me. He tells me I do nothing for him when in fact I have been the ONLY one to do it all. We live states away from family and friends so yes, when I say it is just he and I..I mean it is just he and I. I have taken pictures and blogged and videos since February. Sometimes I sit with him and show him how far he has come. He does not seem to SEE what I see. I feel he is actually STUCK at the time of surgery and can not get past all the yucky stuff he went through in the hospital. Not that he remembers it..just from what he has seen and heard. He also is comparing himself to who he was prior and can not recognize improvement because he can't do many of the things he use to..but in my eyes he is doing so well. He is not in a wheelchair and he even walks with me without the walker at times but in his eyes he wants to jump on his motorcycle and also surf. You see, he also has Diplopia. His vision is bad. He sees doubles and fours and split vision and so he can't drive at this time. He is not able to make sound quick judgments so that is also a minus. He is angry and frustrated. We argue so much. The bills keep coming in and I spend most days arguing with insurance folks and anyone else that gets in my way. I do not take care of myself as I use to. I am only 45 years young. My husband is only 51. There is no romance, intimacy or even normal conversations it seems. I could be talking to him and he chimes in with a complaint of something. The food I cook he does not like, the way I was dishes, the volume of the TV, the way I fold clothes, the ketchup on the wrong side of the refrigerator, the noises, the people outside bother him and he will now yell at them. Most words to me are in a demeaning tone ..its almost as if he is bi-polar. The only way I can describe it. Then sometimes he tries to be sweet. I am to rub his hair and rub his arms, I serve him all his meals and cook and I make sure he always has something to snack on. I take him out for walks and try to get his mind preoccupied. I try to be silly but it is viewed as "being stupid".. It is hard to make him laugh and when he does I hold on to that moment. My husband told me that people are not able to see the "inside" of him only the outside. Its not like he is wearing a huge cast for people to say "oh geeze what happened". When you look at him you would tend to think he is fine..but he is not. His deficits include, short term memory, anger, fall risk (tends to wobble to the right), Diplopia (eyes) and Sleep apnea. He is depressed and moody and our relationship is just hanging on. I am a caretaker by heart and never thought I would be "HERE" in life. I love my husband with all my heart just not liking him these days. I am trying to seek help from many specialty doctors for he and I. We have to live with this so I am desperate for the tools and support. Financially we are ruined. This has taken a toll on us in so many levels. I am proud of the strength and courage my husband has and hope for one day for he to be able to see even a glimpse of how amazing he is! Our surgeon was so right when he told me in NICU to take care of myself because this is a very long journey.. but I truly did not realize what that meant. I am in the process of writing a book and my hope is to spread awareness and help others with this condition or any other that deems non-operable. There are options, there is hope and we found it. I will continue to support my husband and help him because he deserves just that. I pray we can find the support and help we deserve one day too. God Bless you all who are going through these journeys.
Because I am not the one who sustained the tbi I feel that any comment I make on the above contributions may be trite...please belive the intention behind the action is loving. I read several comments which brought me to tears, but which underlined to me the shallowness of the friendships, and I am tempted to say, \"If that is how your friends treated you after your tbi then they were not genuine friends in the first place\". Then I read a comment made about a family member, and that put me in my place...I dont know what to say. However, I may add, someone close to you having a tbi brings one face to face with our own tenuous grip on mortality. What I am trying to say is, seeing someone else suffer in this way scares the **** out of some of us. This in no way excuses hurtful behaviour, but sometimes knowing what is going on helps us understand things more. Knowledge is very powerful, but you can not \"force\" others to \"learn\". I needed time to \"take in\" things about my husband\'s tbi. One of the most challenging characteristics he has acquired is talking in a monotone, with no inflections, so I am often puzzled as to his emotional state...not realizing when he is angry, or when he is depressed, or when he is happy! So I will state, once again, that the person with brain challenges may need (even if it isnt exactly fair, and yet another thing on which to work) to give their relations time to recreate their relationships. :-)
As a survivor I feel like I struggle with a lot of these but what I was disappointed with this article because it didn't list ways of us survivors to help cope or improve on these issues.
I had a severe bleed due to a banging my head after a tumble. Being on heart meds caused severe bleed and thinking I had harder hits to the head I din't take it as serious. I should have. The relationship with my wife before was ok, not ok, ok, not ok on and on like that. After the TBI it was the same but not being allowed to drive her driving drives me crazier at times
My true friends stuck by me. Most of my relationships from that period faded away. It's been three years.
My friends of 14 years more or less disowned me after I was physically assaulted which resulted in a brain injury, said they 'liked me the way I was before'. Yeah, so did I. We didn't meet up as much, it was mostly down to me to contact them and they were often busy, though somehow I knew that wasn't always the case. Our friendship was never really the same after that. However, a few months ago it started to improve a bit. We'd meet up, they'd invite me round for a meal, just like old times, except it wasn't. They'd question me as to how I was feeling but just said, 'well you look alright to us'. Still, I went round to see them two or three more times and then I was working away for two weeks. They said to contact them when I got back. Two days after, I gave them a call. They invited me over for a meal. Again, they questioned how I was feeling and added that I had to come back because of my appointment with the 'doolally doctor'. I was shocked by their attitude, 'I see a Neuro Psychologist not a Psychiatrist who's really helping with ways to remember and to cope with my brain injury'. They said 'it's all the same to me...doolally doctors'. 'No it's not, Psychiatrists administer medication, Psychologists don't'. They asked me something else and when I was having difficulty remembering something they said 'Get over it, it's just your age, we're all getting older' . I said no it wasn't that, but my Neuro Psychologist is helping me with ways to remember. 'so what IS wrong with you?' 'nothing much' - meaning the way I looked, I guess. 'EXACTLY, there's nothing wrong with you... (in a vehement manner) it ****** me off to think that somebody else could have those services when they need them more than you do... you know that very well, don't you?... you're having somebody else's appointment...there's nothing wrong with you, you're just getting older.' I was shocked, open mouthed. No amount of me trying to explain was going to change things so I went home not long afterwards. I was SO upset, SO hurt. The next morning was my appointment and my N. Psychologist said - 'there are some people who will NEVER understand...you look alright on the outside but a person with a brain injury has put in so much effort that some people never really understands how that person feels on the inside...it's not like you CHOSE to be assaulted...' 'If you were pretending, which you're not, you or anybody that pretends would have given up a long time ago.. you cannot pretend to have these emotions, they are the result of a brain injury...something that can't be put away like a coat on a hanger, we need to find ways for you to live with it.' I said, 'I don't really think I want friends like that'. My N.Psychlologist said 'you have lots of other friends who support you'. That was a week ago and I'm still getiing upset by it.
Thank you for this. I suffer many of these feelings and symptoms. I can not wait for my state, IL, to complete the process of legalizing. Nothing, and I mean nothing, keeps me from getting overloaded and/or mean better than the Herb. What's more, it's safer than ANY pharmaceutical behavior control.
I just wanted to let all of you guys know how inspiring you all are. It amazes me to see such strong people. Please all of you stay strong, it will work out. You can't have a rainbow without rain.
I suffered a TBI as a result of a car accident in February of 2013. I was in a traffic jam at a stand still, the person that hit me ignored the traffic and hit me going 98mph! Having a TBI is so strange. I'm not who I was. My partner of 5 years is struggling with my TBI and my anger,sadness lack of libido. I found out last week he's cheating on me. I'm devastated.
Relationships become Rocky when your Spouse refuses to read about TBI and Brain Injuries.Mine seeks any excuse to belittle and embarass me,yet I am the Breadwinner and ask for nothing in return.I can deal with my TBI and work at it constantly,I just don't understand the Lies from the ones NOT with TBI,I have an excuse for my behavior and don't Judge others.There's not much more I can do now 6 years later.
I lost the love of my life due to a head injury.....He became confrontational and violent....been over 20 years and I still live with the memory of the changes. I left the situation but it still is fresh in my mind. The person I knew and loved died but the new person was an unlovable person....didn't like himself. I was living with Dr. Jeykll and Mr. Hyde.....never knew when he was going to snap and start yelling and hitting.
I recently found out that an old friend from high school has been suffering with TBI, it has broken my heart. This man was our star jock, went on to being a star college athlete and a Superbowl winner...now he has nothing. I wish there was a way I could help my friend but there is not. I pray that each day brings him something to smile about. Written in the memory of Steve Hendrickson.
11 years ago I suffered a tbi, but had to battle my own insurance company just to get proper help, and my family to talk with the doctors to know what to expect. Instead, 11 years later I am still on disability and not enjoying work I used to be able to do, and my family is still making the comments to me that I need to "get over it"...they are impatient, unwilling to hear and understand, and misunderstand what I try to convey to them because I still find it difficult to understand conversations and can only understand bits and pieces..Now to top this off I have been babysitting my first granddaughter for 19 months 8-12 hrs a day 5 days a week (although I told my daughter previous to birth I wouldn't be able to because I don't trust myself enough)..Needless to say I'm exhausted when she leaves and I am unable to do anything else ea. day...She has developed allergies to food etc...to point of anaphylactic shock symptoms after her dad fed her shellfish and her mom gave her a peanutbutter cup...While she's ok but being tested, they are putting the blame on me because I have cats and have not been able to really clean my house in the last 11 yrs, so my daughter is "threatening" to put her in daycare. While this is a break for me, I am constantly worried about my granddaughter when she's not here because I don't know what is causing her allergies yet. The pediatrician refused to refer to allergist until she recently had to go to er. It's hard not to have her here after I raised her so much while they work, and they can't afford daycare either, and no other family members ever came forth to help even just 1 day a week. Not having her is starting up anxiety symptoms...I don't want her sick, but I didn't put her into shock either, and to top this off my husband (who has been treating me like a 5th wheel the last 11 yrs. since I'm not able to do all the motherly things he was so used to before & has had to learn to put his own dishes from table to dishwasher and his own laundry, etc.) jumped all over me and blaming me for baby being sick, and said since I can't clean the house or do anything else we should split the assets, sell the house and move separate ways. With my sense of smell, and feelings of anxiety, breathing problems and sleeping problems heightening to a point where I had to start sleeping down on the couch these last 11 yrs. too! Needless to say, I haven't slept through the night and gotten a full night's sleep these last 11 yrs. He's never been a patient person, more selfish than anything I guess, cause he never cared enough to see what the doctors wanted him to do to help me. Instead what he told me days after the accident was "I could sue the girl that caused the accident and he would support me as long as it didn't take up any of his time or cost him any money!" It took a while before I felt comfortable to drive to a dr myself only 10 min. from our house ..6 months..very high anxiety to do, and this dr. couldn't be bothered, she asked how she would be paid before she even cared enough to see what was wrong! And I had noone to advocate on my behalf..I couldn't convey to her the problems properly even though I told her I hit the windshield in an accident...Oh , and the day my husband took me to the courthouse to file..hour away from our house...I heard about his wasted time all the way there and back and his wasted filing fee..real supportive! So you can see why I was reluctant to ask anyone for help or to even see anyone, I don't have any friends to talk things over with and my kids were teenagers or younger and had their own agendas..This is probably my first anxiety attack starting in about 8 years...I guess it's high stress, I miss my granddaughter, and don't know how to sell everything I own because I'll have nowhere to go and no way of moving anything or money for help or anyone to count on to ask for help...My whole family would have been better off if I died in the accident since I'm nothing that I was before and they constantly let me know that all the time.
My son is in jail right now because he violated his probation. He is almost 22. He was on probation because he attempted to rob our next door neighbors. He wanted to steal their marijuana they grow in their basement. This single act which was so out of his character, landed him in jail when he was only 20. At 18 he was in a roll over car accident. I was recovering from back surgery. He was treated and released the same night. Nothing showed up on tests. He had head aches, sweating, sleepless nights, mood swings, bad temper, confusion etc. We received little help from two neurologists, 2 MRI's and really getting no help from his doctor. Life went on and despite feeling bad, he still graduated high school, and finished one and a half years of college while still living at home. But seemingly out of nowhere, his behavior changed dramatically. We found out he had quit school 3 weeks prior, and had decided to join the marines! He seemed like a totally different person. We learned he was smoking pot, and abusing pain killers. A kid who never got in trouble in school, played baseball, and was on the JV team. Earned good grades etc. Anyway, our whole family has been through hell. Seeing my son go through all of this, and experiencing the whole jail thing, has been traumatic for my husband and me and our three other children. My husband and the kids are pretty much done with him for now. They are all very angry, mostly because of how he has treated all of us while using. Lying, manipulating, and all the addict behavior. Sadly, now he is an addict. But I've done tons of research on brain injuries. Drugs is one of the things they often turn to. He had to live in an apartment, not allowed to return home because of his crime. He did very well for a long period. almost 2 years! But he did not contact his PO for two months, we did not know until we received a scarry letter from the PO on Christmas Eve! Merry Christmas! He doesn't know why he did not call his PO. We had stopped reminding him because he got so offended like we were treating him like a child. He was doing so well. Sorry for rambling. This has been by far the most painful thing I have ever been through. And I have been through a lot. It is very lonely, and the doctors don't know much still. He may end up in treatment when he gets out. We are scared that this will be happening for the rest of his life. Our insurance will not pay for a psych eval. If anyone has anything they can share with me, even if its just, that you are in the same boat, I would greatly appreciate it. Yes, your life can change in an instant.Oh I have to share a little justification about the neighbors. FINALLY, they have been found out. Indeed they were selling their "medical marijuana". I new it!!Any comments about marijuana laws? thank you for letting me vent.
I have brain injury and still have symptoms years later. I get a lot of pain in my head. I wish I never got hurt.
ive been dating a woman for over 3 yrs who has severe brain injury ....i love her to death ... our relationship has been rocky .. she has lied ..cheated .. we lived together for 3months last yr and without notice moved out..her parents came to pick her up and when i went outside to meet them they did not want to hear anything from me..they baby her to death..we got back together a month later...aug 1 i left for 7days left my cell fone with her wrote her a love letter to read everyday til i returned(i went to rehab due to the stress of caring for her)i had txt messages and emails from her asking me to come back and that she was sorry for breaking up with me..she threw away the engagement ring i bought her and started dating someone else in that little time...i dont know what i should do my family says thier is no future with her... she fabricates stories that we broke up which is not true ... now she tells me that she never was seeing someone else.. she had a episode over the fone and told me she hated me and hoped that i died ...10minutes later she called back and told me how she loves me and would kill herself if i did not go back to her .... i know their is different types of brain injuries she was in a coma for almost 7 months ... i dont know what to do ..she left me homeless and penniless... some people tell me to give her leeway due to her brain injury and others say i should let her go because she will never fully recover(its been 10yrs since her wreck)im sorry to say she is taking me into her insanity..i once told her i would care for her forever but now i have to worry about my mental health...