CTE from Abuse, Not Sports?

I was abused as a child and had pretty serious cognitive, concentration and memory problems. These problems began to fade in my late 20's. Since my early 30's I have not had most of these issues. I have always wondered if part of the problem was frequent head injuries. However, I was also extremely depressed.

I suffered through 20 years of severe abuse knocked out a couple times one big one where my hair fell out and a baseball sized lump on the back of my head gave me a chronic headache for 3 months. I want to donate my brain it might prove domestic violence is a serious thing. Doesn’t seem like anyone is interested

Throughout my life from the approx. age of 7 until the age of 48, I've had multiple concussions. When I was 7, I slipped and fell while lowering the tailgate on my fathers 1957 Chevrolet pick up, hitting my head on street asphalt.

The next incident was when I was approx. 10, bicycle accident hitting my head on a steel mailbox post. I knocked myself out and received a head laceration, receiving several stitches.
From the early 1980's as a teen until present, I have been hit with a steel barbell weight in the head (knocked out/stitches), twice hit in the head intentionally with a baseball bat (one of those times, received stitches/head swelling).
The final major incident was in late 2014, I was involved in a moped accident. I received a TBI with swelling at the point of impact, minor bleeding on the brain, knocked out, 8 broken ribs, multiple areas of road rash and elbow cut open with stitches.
Soon after I was released to go home, within weeks I began having balance issues, memory issues. Depression, suicide thoughts and planning, aggression, anger. In late 2016, I was approved for SSI and medicaid.
I began going to doctors, beginning with a primary doctor. I explained my mental issues and she sent me to a neurologist. In early 2017, I was diagnosed with CTE. I never heard of CTE or knew what it was until I looked it up online and watched the movie "Concussion" with Will Smith. I was extremely depressed after that discovery. At least I finally knew what was causing these issues.

It's now 2018, my everyday life has gradually begin to get worse. I have no friends/family. I just sit in my small apt. on a daily basis staring at my laptop watching tv programs unless I have to go to a grocery store.
I don't like to go out much due to worry, paranoid feelings. My balance issues have gotten worse. Some days I wish I wouldn't wake up and on other days, I'm happy that I did. I apologize to God each and everyday, and thank God for allowing me to breath another day.
I'm here in my mind today, I realize what is going on around me and I have complete control of my day to day task. What worries me, is not realizing when my minds light switch will finally get turned off.

I have sustained multiple mTBIs during a lifetime of boxing and also other sports during my childhood. I also dealt with habitual beatings as a child from someone close to me and sustained a terrible TBI after being hit in the head with a blunt object during a mugging. Im in my early twenties and now suffer from depression, racing terrible thoughts, anxiety, memory loss, hearing loss, migranes, muscle tremors, dizzy spells, and aggression control issues and impulse decision making accompanied by a good few years of drug and alcohol abuse to name a few of my more concerning symptoms. I had none of these issues growing up and have been sober now for a year and still experience these symptoms every day. I have talked to my doctor and psychiatrist about this but have been told the same story, they cannot diagnose this disease until postmortem. A good story to learn from is Daniel Carciello, a former NHL player that retired early after experiencing similar issues. I will continue to fight for my health and will not give up until i find the answers i am looking for.

Why is CTE possible to diagnose after a person's death, but not while they are living ?
Is it due to the insurance lobbyists that helped create laws that virtually deny contrast MRI scans ?
I am undergoing this very problem right now in the face of an insurance company that paid lobbyist over $30,000,000 in 2017 alone, just to pass laws that stifle a doctor's ability as if MRI's are a snake-oil procedure. Why do they do this ?
Because too many people with proven TBI's have won lawsuits from personal liability insurance coverage.

I'm wondering if there are any studies being done on live patients. It's my understanding CTE can only be seen after death? I was severely abused as a child. Severe is an understatement. I was knocked unconscious 2 to 3 times a week by my step mother. She beat on me daily for almost a decade. She also starved me, and locked me in a basement sometimes for days at a time. I personally think she was experimenting on me since she was a psych student for years at Wellesley College. I got taken by the state of Mass, stuck in psych floor at Boston floating hospital, then put in a bad boys school in Lancaster where I got really beat up, then I got sent to military school where I got raped and beaten some more.

I have random memory loss. I have zero empathy. Sometimes I don't even know who or where I am or how I got there. I have sudden rushes of feeling like I'm falling that can last for hours, I suddenly see flashes of light, and at same time face gets super hot, and right ear has very high pitch ringing. I have random eye twitching too.Also and completely random and uncontrollable rage. Frankly, I'm surprised I'm not a serial killer, but I'm convinced I have CTE.

I was savagely beaten from 4 to 11, by a drunk step mother who married my dad to put her kid in private school, while draining every penny from my dad. MA state finally took me away, stuck me in a kid gladiator, rape, fight hell group home, then I got sent to a military school where I got beaten more. I was knocked fully out at least 3 times a week, my whole childhood. And now I'm hellishly violent, and frankly want to watch the world die.

I was repeatedly struck on the top of the head from 6 months until about 14 years old (when the effect was only scalp pain). I remember being trotted off to the doctors by my abuser and being prescibed what I later learned were sugar pills. I also remember that my teacher gave me a look that I descibe as peturbed when she saw I was head shy when approached from behind. (The preferred method of of assault was delivered as a "suprise".)

Not only was it made clear years before that an appeal to my other parent would be met with no response or with additional assault (but not of the surpise type.)

I learned at 4 years of age that everyone else was not living with chronic daily headaches, and at eight years old I had my first suicidal thoughts.

I am confirmed as bipolar at 31 years old after panic attacks and for the third time in my adulthood, being unable to complete a work contract: The longest I have ever been able to keep a job is about 27 months.

I also have severe and prolonged impairment in the ability to organize, and am unable to work. My son can now 18, can finally claim me as an independent and use my additional Canadian disability tax credit since my income is lower than the personal exemption -- it isn't much of a surpise that he chose nursing as his career. According to my psychiatrist, this tax credit is rarely given to patients with mental dysfunction who are not schizophrenic.

My additional symptoms include:

memory problems, problems with judgment, reasoning, impulse control, and aggression (passive agression), remembering more than one or two things, words or numbers backwards (maximum 3 or 4 at most), short term memory problems (I wear what I can around my neck), and

Almost all of exhibited executive funtioning problems associted with learning disabilities: comprehending how much time a project will take to complete, struggling to communicate verbal ideas or details in an organized, sequential manner, memorizing and retrieving information from memory, initiating activities or tasks, retaining information while doing something with it, for example, remembering a phone number while dialing, and remembering names or anything else I can't write down immediately. Also, I was never able to see in my mind's eye what organization of my personal belongings looks like, and I am a hoarder.

On the other hand,  Into my 20's I also used to have musical perfect recall of several different "voices" instrumental or vocal, but now I have recall on only up to three at once. This allowed me to complete a music degree.

I also have the ability to remember verbal conversations under stress or other exception emotional situations with total recall of the specific words spoken by the other parties, can often recall paraphrased incidents in the near past, exact or parahrased remarks that I made, and can estimate accurately when each conversation took place when related.

I discovered I was good learning foreign languages, although I have trouble understanding anything said if not spoken clearly or logically, and could learn very well from text books and auditory language learning recordings, especially in conjunction with visual aids.

In my 30's I discovered I was very good with logical processing, and languages, and could problem solve top-down although never bottom-up. I also could remember a very large group of related facts although I made a lousy waitress. These skills to my surprise allowed me to support my child in the hey-days of computer specialists -- when I was doing well (manic), and the pay usually allowed me to coast through the depressions.

Additionally, I have partial photographic memory, which is also deteriorating with age (I am now 50), however I do not see something in front of me if it does not look as I expect it to.

I am also able to express myself well in written form, which, if my teachers are aware of my learning disabilities has allowed me to be fulfilled in various areas of education.

My only sibling exhibits most of the same problems as I do, but had much more difficulty with English, but is very good in the computer field. As a child, he was treated much worse, physically, psychologicaly, and probably sexually. Our abusing parent denied the sexual abuse, and lied about the specifics of his complaint to the police. In addition to the same problems as I have, and that his agression exhbits in the outward form (I probably learned not to respond to assault due to the continual war that continued through his childhood and that he was sent away for a few years) Also a difference is the physical symptom of CTE: I recall as the younger sibling that my brother also had a problem walking for about two or three years before age twelve, being that he dragged his left foot which was crooked. 

It is very unfortunate that insurance issues are probably what currently dictate which living people are selected for research, and children at risk are not.