Lost & Found: What Brain Injury Survivors Want You to Know

What a windfall to find this forum.

I experienced a subdural hemmorage in my right frontal lobe 6 years ago. I underwent brain surgery where they evacuated the bleed and clipped the blood vessel. I have had seizure disorder since then. I underwent several life changing events within this period of my life, in the following order; pre-surgery, father died, lost me CEO job and I contracted bacterial endo-carditis. I had an aortic heart valve replacement then the brain anuerysm surgery 2 weeks later. My 1st valve operation failed 4 months post-brain surgery. My wife met another man and filed for divorce, serving me papers the Friday before the Monday surgery. I went through 3 years of talk therapy and my divorce property preceedings took 3 years to finish. I spent $200k of my retirement savings to pay legal and medical bills. I am writing this down to explain my dilemna with my brain functioning, since the brain surgery.

I cannot express these negative emotions of deep sadness with crying. I find they are bottled up inside and none of the therapy I received changed this ability to relieve the pain of the extended trauma, 6 years later. I do have joint custody of my two young boys(7&9) and received most of my pre-marriage assets back. There is a silver-lining to this TBI and that is that this condition of "muted" emotions saved me from suicide and homicide immediately after release from the rehab. I do harbor hatred yoward my ex and many people who don't understand TBI, say "forgive and forget", a decision my brain won't allow me to do. After my discharge from rehab, I had my boys and I met a new love partner(my current wife). The downside of this brain injury was that I was disabled (judged so by neuropsychologists for cognitive function) and could not find work in my field. Being in a small industry, the word of my heart and brain surgery spread quickly and some people thought I had actually died. The ones who knew I had survived were skeptical of my remaining faculties. I was stygmatized due to my health problems, long past. I won't feel completely healed until these negative emotions and release of sadness occurs.

During my time on disability, I started my own company and was prospecting for financing, which has not happened, as yet. Due to financial needs, I have been applying for work in industry that is related to my previous industry. I will decide on the future of the company if/when i get a job offer that I want to accept. I have two opportunities currently presenting themselves that may land me a well paid job in the next month without being required to relocate away from my children.

I don't believe I am limited in my cognitive abilities, as evidenced by my development of this new company. I do get mentallly tired easier, but do not haveoutward symptoms described in the various forums or medical websites I have visited.

Does anyone have information on the long term effects and PROS and CONS of using PEEK Cranial Implants?

Thanks, I am tbi and suffer from seizures for over 20 yrs. now.   Main thing I hear is why do you lay around in afternoon or get sick so much. I try to ignore what people think, but it reallyhas  bothers me over the years.

7 months ago I fell. TBI diagnosed with ADHD also discovered. I am not, nor expect myself ever, going to be the same.

I'm glad to read this.  It reminds me to give myself a break.  I'm very very hard on myself. . But I can't remember which way to turn to get from the grocery store to my friend's house. (Yes I've passed my driving test since my injury.). People think I'm lazy because I am on disability.  I don't remember anything I read.  It's depressing as hell. 

After a month long state of severe headaches and a clean cat scan which should have been done with contrast, my cerebral venous sinus thrombosis caused Sagittal sinus to burst do to a clot. At 33 always exercising and eating healthy not smoking this is what happened. Somehow I survived it and appear to be ok physically. I just suffer from soreness and my stamina isn't the same. I never got tired or sore from the gym. Now it kicks my butt. 

I am not Faking it!!!!

I am so glad to have found this site. I suffered an anoxic brain injury when I was 19. My personality changed. I wasn't diagnosed with a TBI for over a year. I was fortunate to have had therapy and been shown some useful tools to help me with my everyday life.

Wow, I am so grateful to have found this website!! I have been doing so much research after I got hurt. I had 2 concussions within about 3 weeks of each other in the late summer and early fall. One severe one to the front of my eye/head and a mild one to the back of my head. A lot of my symptoms were pretty delayed, not presenting themselves for weeks after I got hurt. Now I struggle with all my symptoms and I have recently developed odd  pressure and a stutter. Some of my friends think I'm faking, but I wish I were. I have no control over the stutter and it's inconsistency. My scans show nothing and  I just want to be seen as who I am, I don't want this stupid brain injury to define me, I don't want to be pitied, I just want to be me. This site looks like a huge help, and hopefully will help learn more about my injury. If anyone has any adivce to this exhausted college kid, please feel free, I need all the support I can get these days. ~Robin

Thank you for the comments ! Its been five years since my wife had her brain tumor removed (we are the lucky ones) THE SURVIVORS !!! Sometimes we can forget ! or just get caught up in the daily grind of life and after all the stressful situations we faced as a family, We can forget that we are very lucky to get through this very tricky stressful time of life These are life and death situations (There's no instruction manual to follow) Just survival mode I know my wife now suffers from pain (i admire her determination) We are all picking up the pieces and trying to get back to that place we once called normality Be positive and you will find a good place The weekly Neuro physio Trips have and still are very helpful (Thank you Nikki x) i suggest anyone who has has surgery find one of these amazing physio's, They can help Also find a Doctor who deals with pain (if required) The British Pain Society Reading some of the stories (not all as i am probably the most impatient man on the planet) has given me a new insight in the way my wife feels i am sitting here writing this feeling very selfish, as i have been given a gift of keeping my wife alive, and all i have been doing the past few days is getting grumpy and feeling lonely due to the fact she needs her rest and the situation that has landed upon us (I am am truly sorry ) We have just moved house and for a person who has not dealt with TBI that can be stressful enough ! She is the most amazing strongest person i have ever met and i love her deeply Now i need to remind myself, that even after five years she will continue to need the patience and support required for a TBI survivor (i will find this patience from somewhere) She is my everything and i would be lost without her xxx For my wife Keely x

I'd love to know if anyone on this site has suffered a brain injury and completely divorced themselves from the family who loves them. My niece is recovering from a brain injury and has chosen to remove me from her existence. It breaks my heart each and every day and I am trying to better understand why and to remain openhearted to her needs. The pain for me is that she allows others into her life yet not me, the Aunt who loves her so very much. Your insights are very much appreciated.

You know, Ive had TBI problems and concerns that I feel that NO ONE understands. Even me. I even had a stroke because of one of the surgeries, its hard to even try to try. But after finding this article. I no longer feel alone. And now, all those 'petty' 'laziness issues' and 'lack of will power' is finally explained by this article. I am very thankful for this post. And wish my fellow SURVIVORS of TBI the best of luck. We've all made it this far….there is no point in giving up!

I also was discharged from the trauma center and all my papers said was when my next appts. were with the trauma doctors. It'll be 10 years in Feb. and I'd give anything to talk with someone that actually understood the intensity of loss of ME I feel and how frustrating and scary too life is now. Im so tired. So blah. So insecure because of the cognitive losses and almost complete inability to form long term memories. And I rock a lot. It's awful. I've hsd panic attacks for first time and my claustraphobia is worse. I'm alone 90 to 95%!!!! I'm lonely now.

Hi This is James again..the long story below..!! Just a little update and what it is like to live with this condition 10 years later and well into working with it. I have not been able to work at my bench jewelry projects for about three weeks now..I also had to deal with anxiety attacks to the point that even my breathing was affected. Felt inside of myself that I was just going to explode emotionally. I could not get a handle on this condition...I have never felt anxiety before...I of course did not sleep well the past three weeks and got little very much needed work done. I did hide these emotions inside myself and kept the world from knowing.. I did finally get through to my wife about TBI..we had a fight and when I said I had TBI..she laughed and said No way.!! you had a little mental breakdown.. Well I was ready for that statement this time and challenged her since she knew to just go on the internet and compare TBI with a break down and get back to me. She came back to me and had to admit I was correct and was sorry for how she has treated me all these years. She finally gets it about my condition..she did some research and thanks to this site as well as another site and all the information today to pull from all over the internet. She still does not understand what I deal with, but at least is trying..I copied the page here on what NOT to say to a TBI survivor and some other info here. The information since the Afghanistan war bomb survivors and some sports stars have come forward to help educate the public has increased over the years to what we have today. I guess I have been pushing myself to hard again and broke down..I label it a melt down. The mind is so similar to the computer..it also crashes,boot ups,slow response times, Re-boot and so on.. I use the computer to link to..to be able to explain myself and how I work.. Keep your chin up and work beyond the current challenge as I do. Wish there was an easy fix answer..There is not..!! But I hope you have compassionate and understanding friends and family. That has been my greatest challenge. James

This is the best info for caregivers, family and friends to understand how TBI from a meningioma resection affects a person! Thank you!

My wife of 28 years is a TBI survivor. Her accident was 25 years ago. This article is important. This site is important. Every. Single. Word. of this could not be more true. Even after all this time this is still helpful to us both. I didn't get much of this for the longest time. The information simply wasn't available. If anyone has any doubts about this please ask us. Please ask someone. At least in our case there was no silver bullet drug or treatment. Time. Patience. And hope. My wife Su has written a book that will be published on Feb 4, 2014. She wrote it, and had it published to get the word out. So people don't have to go through this stuff alone and in ignorance of what is happening inside a survivor's head. Inside her family. Inside her life. For my part please all take care. This is some of the hardest stuff you will ever do. But don't lose hope. It is important too. We will both help if we can. "I forgot to remember" Su wrote it not so much to tell her story, but so no one would ever have to feel alone with TBI like she did for all those years. She is the bravest and strongest person and woman I have ever met. And this describes our world to a T. Because survivors really want and need us to know this stuff. And we really need to listen and get it. Thank you for this and everyone's comments. Jim

Hi I just want 2 know how u cope cuz I have head pain lazyness brain don't swich off and I talk bad it feels some time am mad lost balance walking not the sAme guy I was and lost caring for people and loving them and feel emty inside like am alone no family no friend like we not what we were Even pills don't help

I read a lot of the stories here and most seemed to have short term problems and a happy ending...Wish my story was the same...My story is written to help the long term survivors or we that have learned to cope with it. About 7-10 years ago I was robbed and beaten and hit in the head by a couple of thugs. At first I had my confusion but seemed fine except for the traumatic event I had just had. I could still talk and function and drive my car. I went to bed that first night and found I could not sleep..I was only thinking of the incident and the trauma of it and had visions of them outside my window with guns pointing at me and waiting to hear a bullet rip into my brain..I wondered what that would feel like and if I would even hear it..I got no sleep that night..I got up and found myself full of wanting a normal day but could already feel it was not going to be that. I got to the kitchen for coffee and was asked the first question of the day, I had no answer as my mind was blank. My legs went limp and I found myself in the floor crying and could not talk. I had several of these events that first day. I told my friends that I was OK and if I could not talk I would hold up my index finger to signal I was OK..For a 45 Year old man with a 170 IQ and in command of his life and business I was totally lost. My brain was empty and Black inside..My Brain was now empty and all the things I worked on inside my brain were gone. I knew my name and I felt I still had memory of who I was, but would soon find out how limited even that was. Here I was on the floor crying and holding up a finger as the only way I could communicate. After an episode I could at a point in time get up and talk again, but my speech was slurred and my vocabulary was very limited. I cried a lot and could not move my mouth to speak with much of my trying to talk effort. My brain would have a thought and when I spoke the thought..it would come out slurred and jumbled. My first day was hell and I was very scared at what condition I was in. Medically I was OK..I had no outward signs of being attached or any injuries one could see other than a few scrapes and bruises on my arms and hands. No outward head injury showed, many day later I would find myself in the emergency Psyche ward. My friends did not know how to help me..!! My second night I went to bed again was the same..no sleep..all I could do was look out the window and imagine the two attackers pointing a gun at me out in the dark. My next 6 days were all the same.same problems and no sleep. Finally on the 6 -7 night I got one hours sleep.my sleep returned over the next few days an hour a night..My days were spent trying to do things but could not. Many things triggered the legs limp and falling in the floor crying. Most were when asked some thing and I could not find it in my brain I would find myself in the floor crying. I hid from everyone and the very few I went out with was difficult. My speech was slurred and I talked like a Retard, excuse the term but that was what my brain told me I sounded like,and did. My short term memory was a few seconds, not even ten. I could have lunch with friends and the next day not remember them or having lunch with them and did not know their names unless very old friends. My former brain had been everything for me.it was who I was. I was a jewelry manufacturer,designer,silver goldsmith,stone cutter and so on. I now was totally dis-functional and could do very little. I could not sit at even my bench and work..I spent two years in a total black hell of a depression life. I wanted to die and to go to bed at night was hell knowing I was going to wake up tomorrow in the same hell. I did not want to see tomorrow and it scared me and was black and horrible. After the two year point roughly I found I could still cut stones.. but I found it was some thing I could do at my pace. I was computer eliterate at the time and with under an hours coaching and with an old $50.00 computer I started selling on eBay. Was very hard to organize my thoughts and answer emails and many many things got me down and I could not cope with them. I would hit a wall mentally and would shut down and rest. The Dr. had diagnosed me as totally dis-functional. I could not live with that and pushed myself to achieve things. At first I could not remember anything. I put a lot of notes around my house. I had a list next to the door at eye level to tell me to turn off the coffee pot, have my wallet,my house and car keys etc. My first job I got to recover with was delivering pizza..I was broke and had to start some where. My notes next to the door even told me I needed my proper dress, which was a cap,my black belt, my black shoes,pen,flashlight ect. I would forget even those simple things. Was very hard for the first couple of months. My notes even had to tell when leaving the parking lot to turn left or right.. I had a map on the wall and wrote delivery notes to get there. This job forced me to deal with people and my memory. I did find after a couple of months I could find places on the map. Turned out to be the best thing I have ever done for myself to recover. Meanwhile I grew my business and retired to full time eBay after over a year of pizza delivery. Now ten years later....... Today I am 10 years or so beyond the incendent and still have many issues. My memory has gotten better, but I still have short term memory problems. I have many problems I have learned to live with. I am a different person than I was. My personality has to still deal with anger. My family has NO compassion for my condition. My family is very short with me and yells at me and I hear all the time. I already told you that why are you asking me again. I state ..if I knew why would I ask again.?? The hardest thing I have had to deal with are dealing with people next to me that should understand my condition. But because it is an unseen condition they do not see it or even want to. I hear so many things that are hard..Why are you so angry..?? I just told you that.?? Gee did you get up on the wrong side of bed again..?? We have already discussed that.?? Why are you bringing that up again.?? What is wrong with you..?? and many more I have found I have to do every thing in an orderly manner. I can not deal with confusion and disorder. There are many things I still cannot deal with. I still find myself tired and need sleep. I label it hitting a wall, but means I have reached a point and can not deal with it any more and need to get away from it and rest my mind..it is a word I use for a project I am working on or any thing I do in life that is a task and gets difficult. Many things I do are in time limits of when I can do them. Some times I can do now or today and other times I can not do the same task and will sit undone for weeks and then all the sudden I can do them. I have found myself every year getting better and I can accomplish more things or I have just learned how to do them with my limited ability or both. I have had to relearn how to do about everything in my life as I do things different now. I have not recovered my large vocabulary I once had. My brain still thinks thoughts and I have to convert the thoughts to words and I feel the execution of that. My brain works today as if I knew another language and had to convert from it to English to talk. I think the thought and search my brain for the words to speak the thought. My brain gives me still today very limited words to work with. This makes me stutter some as I try to find the correct word. The problem is the words I am given are very limited and do a very poor job expressing what I truthfully am trying to say. My brain does not give me the best words or compassionate words, it give me what it does and very hard to work with the words given. And then I get reprimanded or criticized for using the incorrect word. I get accused of being a #*^$ hole and many other bad comments. My limited vocabulary is hard and direct and is not compassionate, which I am. I am forced to talk with this limited vocabulary to express myself with today . Thank God I have a photographic jewelry memory and have that vocabulary. It seems the words I have the hardest time with or try to find, have feeling connected to them and hard to express feelings.. I still find myself linked to many things in a day I almost cry over and have to hold that emotion in myself. I find many emotions and feelings and thoughts that are a battle to keep inside me and not take over and I cry or other response. I still take many naps. I still need rest. I have a hard time sleeping very long. My night's are spent trying to sleep and I lay there awake. Some nights I get a little sleep and others not. My sleep habits are horrible and I sleep in 3-5 hour increments of time. I know I need to sleep regularly for good health but reality is another thing. My mind is hard to shut down at night to get to sleep. That is the short story and the longer one is much worse and much more to it. I am working on a book to inspire people to get beyond this condition .That there is hope and a life beyond this condition once one learns how to deal with it. PS..today I have built my business to over a million net worth and am one of those internet living at home and in my PJ's entrepreneurs ..not that simple But I have pushed myself to show it can be done and I am not done yet. I have only just began. James

Thanks for writing this. I am 26 now but my brain injury occured when i was 10. I had encephalitis and seized (part was in a pool) for 4 hours straight. The encephalitis also caused mesial temporal schlerosis. I was put on meds, but eventually got off of them because i thought my seizures had stopped. When i was 16 i started having them in highschool and i was put back on meds...which didnt work. At 17, i had a right temporal lobectomy. Before the surgery i was really shy and quiet. Now, i have pretty much no filters. Its so embarassing..i feel so different. Other than that, i have short term memory issues and a lot of emotional issues as well. Has anyone had this trouble?

This article is SO accurate. I wound up in ICU for two weeks and sustained coma, skull fractures and open-head surgery after a crazy freak accident when I was 15. My life dramatically changed and it was a bumpy, long recovery; however, nine years later, here I am after reaching a life-long goal I believed was unlikely to ever happen - I applied to Medical School this summer! It has not been an easy journey. While I still have to work much harder to learn and retain the same amount as my classmates, and I still experience mental fatigue and mild anxiety, my drive to overcome my injury in order to become a physician and inspire others in similar situations has blessed me with a miraculous recovery as well as the determination to succeed. All things are possible. Within 24 hours after my injury, my parents were told that the odds of my survival were not good, and that if I was to survive, I would very likely suffer significant permanent damage due to bruising and swelling of my brain. The statistics and predicted prognoses are disheartening, and I urge anyone who is recovering from a TBI not to let statistics define your own recovery outcome. I sincerely pray that my own story provides a little bit of hope to someone out there who needs it.

I had a TBI 6 years ago and it took my life away...I can no longer work, drive, read well, concentrate, I'm partially sighted and deaf on my right side along with being tired a lot and rely on my fiancé for so much. But I'm getting on with it...I have days that I hate myself but I also have days where I'm so happy to be here...Brain injury confuses me about everything but after finding this site I'm so happy to know that I'm not the only person in the world that has the same feelings and problems...Thank you everyone, I now feel like I belong...again...looking forward to reading what everyone has to say.

Thank you. This info is wonderful. I am an 18 year survivor. I have a masters degree, and everyone thinks I'm "fine". You have described me to a T. I have been sending this and the video in part 2 to everyone I know and trust, so they can (maybe) understand!

HiI am new to this site.my husband had a really bad brain bleed nearly 6 years ago.he still can't talk is still peg fed right side paralysed no understanding.i think I have come to the end of what I can do to help him now.can anyone suggest anything.

It is so refreshing to finally figure out why I am the way I am 10 years after having my cancerous brain tumor removed. I am medically in good health but because I look "normal" I wasn't treated for TBI. After struggling with this for all these years, a marriage counselor discovered my problem!! It's so good to hear other people feel the same as I do. I look perfectly fine, no physical disabilities. I guess that's a problem for the medical field. As days go by I become more frustrated with the "major teaching hospital" the did do their job in treating me medically, but not mentally. I am thankful that they saved my life! But if I had come into the hospital trauma unit with a head injury I would've gone thru cognitive and speech rehab. While I sometimes think "what might have been?" if I had rehab 10 yrs ago, I must forget that and move forward. I'm working with my insurance company to get the rehab I really need. My poor family has had to deal with me all this time while thinking I was this horrible person. I really did not have control over my emotions, communication issues, fatigue.... (My tumor was on the right side of my frontal lobe.) I truly did not understand any of my actions myself until my husband & I ended up in marriage counseling. I am thankful for finding sites like this one!!

I was the first case in NC at Duke diagnosed with Anti NMDA receptor encephalitis. My tumor wasnt found for over a year and treatment was experimental, prolonged and incompleted...I have only one person who truly stood by me and gave me all the patience and love i needed....my mother. No one understands and those you provide the information to help them comprehend only take certain facts and apply their ignorance.It takes patience and understanding. My brain is still healing 4 yrs later. If you suffer from a TBI , you are a walking miracle. That is what people should understand...what it is to live with everday