Lost & Found: What Brain Injury Survivors Want You to Know

I'd love to know if anyone on this site has suffered a brain injury and completely divorced themselves from the family who loves them. My niece is recovering from a brain injury and has chosen to remove me from her existence. It breaks my heart each and every day and I am trying to better understand why and to remain openhearted to her needs. The pain for me is that she allows others into her life yet not me, the Aunt who loves her so very much. Your insights are very much appreciated.

You know, Ive had TBI problems and concerns that I feel that NO ONE understands. Even me. I even had a stroke because of one of the surgeries, its hard to even try to try. But after finding this article. I no longer feel alone. And now, all those 'petty' 'laziness issues' and 'lack of will power' is finally explained by this article. I am very thankful for this post. And wish my fellow SURVIVORS of TBI the best of luck. We've all made it this far….there is no point in giving up!

I also was discharged from the trauma center and all my papers said was when my next appts. were with the trauma doctors. It'll be 10 years in Feb. and I'd give anything to talk with someone that actually understood the intensity of loss of ME I feel and how frustrating and scary too life is now. Im so tired. So blah. So insecure because of the cognitive losses and almost complete inability to form long term memories. And I rock a lot. It's awful. I've hsd panic attacks for first time and my claustraphobia is worse. I'm alone 90 to 95%!!!! I'm lonely now.

Hi This is James again..the long story below..!! Just a little update and what it is like to live with this condition 10 years later and well into working with it. I have not been able to work at my bench jewelry projects for about three weeks now..I also had to deal with anxiety attacks to the point that even my breathing was affected. Felt inside of myself that I was just going to explode emotionally. I could not get a handle on this condition...I have never felt anxiety before...I of course did not sleep well the past three weeks and got little very much needed work done. I did hide these emotions inside myself and kept the world from knowing.. I did finally get through to my wife about TBI..we had a fight and when I said I had TBI..she laughed and said No way.!! you had a little mental breakdown.. Well I was ready for that statement this time and challenged her since she knew to just go on the internet and compare TBI with a break down and get back to me. She came back to me and had to admit I was correct and was sorry for how she has treated me all these years. She finally gets it about my condition..she did some research and thanks to this site as well as another site and all the information today to pull from all over the internet. She still does not understand what I deal with, but at least is trying..I copied the page here on what NOT to say to a TBI survivor and some other info here. The information since the Afghanistan war bomb survivors and some sports stars have come forward to help educate the public has increased over the years to what we have today. I guess I have been pushing myself to hard again and broke down..I label it a melt down. The mind is so similar to the computer..it also crashes,boot ups,slow response times, Re-boot and so on.. I use the computer to link to..to be able to explain myself and how I work.. Keep your chin up and work beyond the current challenge as I do. Wish there was an easy fix answer..There is not..!! But I hope you have compassionate and understanding friends and family. That has been my greatest challenge. James

This is the best info for caregivers, family and friends to understand how TBI from a meningioma resection affects a person! Thank you!

My wife of 28 years is a TBI survivor. Her accident was 25 years ago. This article is important. This site is important. Every. Single. Word. of this could not be more true. Even after all this time this is still helpful to us both. I didn't get much of this for the longest time. The information simply wasn't available. If anyone has any doubts about this please ask us. Please ask someone. At least in our case there was no silver bullet drug or treatment. Time. Patience. And hope. My wife Su has written a book that will be published on Feb 4, 2014. She wrote it, and had it published to get the word out. So people don't have to go through this stuff alone and in ignorance of what is happening inside a survivor's head. Inside her family. Inside her life. For my part please all take care. This is some of the hardest stuff you will ever do. But don't lose hope. It is important too. We will both help if we can. "I forgot to remember" Su wrote it not so much to tell her story, but so no one would ever have to feel alone with TBI like she did for all those years. She is the bravest and strongest person and woman I have ever met. And this describes our world to a T. Because survivors really want and need us to know this stuff. And we really need to listen and get it. Thank you for this and everyone's comments. Jim

Hi I just want 2 know how u cope cuz I have head pain lazyness brain don't swich off and I talk bad it feels some time am mad lost balance walking not the sAme guy I was and lost caring for people and loving them and feel emty inside like am alone no family no friend like we not what we were Even pills don't help

I read a lot of the stories here and most seemed to have short term problems and a happy ending...Wish my story was the same...My story is written to help the long term survivors or we that have learned to cope with it. About 7-10 years ago I was robbed and beaten and hit in the head by a couple of thugs. At first I had my confusion but seemed fine except for the traumatic event I had just had. I could still talk and function and drive my car. I went to bed that first night and found I could not sleep..I was only thinking of the incident and the trauma of it and had visions of them outside my window with guns pointing at me and waiting to hear a bullet rip into my brain..I wondered what that would feel like and if I would even hear it..I got no sleep that night..I got up and found myself full of wanting a normal day but could already feel it was not going to be that. I got to the kitchen for coffee and was asked the first question of the day, I had no answer as my mind was blank. My legs went limp and I found myself in the floor crying and could not talk. I had several of these events that first day. I told my friends that I was OK and if I could not talk I would hold up my index finger to signal I was OK..For a 45 Year old man with a 170 IQ and in command of his life and business I was totally lost. My brain was empty and Black inside..My Brain was now empty and all the things I worked on inside my brain were gone. I knew my name and I felt I still had memory of who I was, but would soon find out how limited even that was. Here I was on the floor crying and holding up a finger as the only way I could communicate. After an episode I could at a point in time get up and talk again, but my speech was slurred and my vocabulary was very limited. I cried a lot and could not move my mouth to speak with much of my trying to talk effort. My brain would have a thought and when I spoke the thought..it would come out slurred and jumbled. My first day was hell and I was very scared at what condition I was in. Medically I was OK..I had no outward signs of being attached or any injuries one could see other than a few scrapes and bruises on my arms and hands. No outward head injury showed, many day later I would find myself in the emergency Psyche ward. My friends did not know how to help me..!! My second night I went to bed again was the same..no sleep..all I could do was look out the window and imagine the two attackers pointing a gun at me out in the dark. My next 6 days were all the same.same problems and no sleep. Finally on the 6 -7 night I got one hours sleep.my sleep returned over the next few days an hour a night..My days were spent trying to do things but could not. Many things triggered the legs limp and falling in the floor crying. Most were when asked some thing and I could not find it in my brain I would find myself in the floor crying. I hid from everyone and the very few I went out with was difficult. My speech was slurred and I talked like a Retard, excuse the term but that was what my brain told me I sounded like,and did. My short term memory was a few seconds, not even ten. I could have lunch with friends and the next day not remember them or having lunch with them and did not know their names unless very old friends. My former brain had been everything for me.it was who I was. I was a jewelry manufacturer,designer,silver goldsmith,stone cutter and so on. I now was totally dis-functional and could do very little. I could not sit at even my bench and work..I spent two years in a total black hell of a depression life. I wanted to die and to go to bed at night was hell knowing I was going to wake up tomorrow in the same hell. I did not want to see tomorrow and it scared me and was black and horrible. After the two year point roughly I found I could still cut stones.. but I found it was some thing I could do at my pace. I was computer eliterate at the time and with under an hours coaching and with an old $50.00 computer I started selling on eBay. Was very hard to organize my thoughts and answer emails and many many things got me down and I could not cope with them. I would hit a wall mentally and would shut down and rest. The Dr. had diagnosed me as totally dis-functional. I could not live with that and pushed myself to achieve things. At first I could not remember anything. I put a lot of notes around my house. I had a list next to the door at eye level to tell me to turn off the coffee pot, have my wallet,my house and car keys etc. My first job I got to recover with was delivering pizza..I was broke and had to start some where. My notes next to the door even told me I needed my proper dress, which was a cap,my black belt, my black shoes,pen,flashlight ect. I would forget even those simple things. Was very hard for the first couple of months. My notes even had to tell when leaving the parking lot to turn left or right.. I had a map on the wall and wrote delivery notes to get there. This job forced me to deal with people and my memory. I did find after a couple of months I could find places on the map. Turned out to be the best thing I have ever done for myself to recover. Meanwhile I grew my business and retired to full time eBay after over a year of pizza delivery. Now ten years later....... Today I am 10 years or so beyond the incendent and still have many issues. My memory has gotten better, but I still have short term memory problems. I have many problems I have learned to live with. I am a different person than I was. My personality has to still deal with anger. My family has NO compassion for my condition. My family is very short with me and yells at me and I hear all the time. I already told you that why are you asking me again. I state ..if I knew why would I ask again.?? The hardest thing I have had to deal with are dealing with people next to me that should understand my condition. But because it is an unseen condition they do not see it or even want to. I hear so many things that are hard..Why are you so angry..?? I just told you that.?? Gee did you get up on the wrong side of bed again..?? We have already discussed that.?? Why are you bringing that up again.?? What is wrong with you..?? and many more I have found I have to do every thing in an orderly manner. I can not deal with confusion and disorder. There are many things I still cannot deal with. I still find myself tired and need sleep. I label it hitting a wall, but means I have reached a point and can not deal with it any more and need to get away from it and rest my mind..it is a word I use for a project I am working on or any thing I do in life that is a task and gets difficult. Many things I do are in time limits of when I can do them. Some times I can do now or today and other times I can not do the same task and will sit undone for weeks and then all the sudden I can do them. I have found myself every year getting better and I can accomplish more things or I have just learned how to do them with my limited ability or both. I have had to relearn how to do about everything in my life as I do things different now. I have not recovered my large vocabulary I once had. My brain still thinks thoughts and I have to convert the thoughts to words and I feel the execution of that. My brain works today as if I knew another language and had to convert from it to English to talk. I think the thought and search my brain for the words to speak the thought. My brain gives me still today very limited words to work with. This makes me stutter some as I try to find the correct word. The problem is the words I am given are very limited and do a very poor job expressing what I truthfully am trying to say. My brain does not give me the best words or compassionate words, it give me what it does and very hard to work with the words given. And then I get reprimanded or criticized for using the incorrect word. I get accused of being a #*^$ hole and many other bad comments. My limited vocabulary is hard and direct and is not compassionate, which I am. I am forced to talk with this limited vocabulary to express myself with today . Thank God I have a photographic jewelry memory and have that vocabulary. It seems the words I have the hardest time with or try to find, have feeling connected to them and hard to express feelings.. I still find myself linked to many things in a day I almost cry over and have to hold that emotion in myself. I find many emotions and feelings and thoughts that are a battle to keep inside me and not take over and I cry or other response. I still take many naps. I still need rest. I have a hard time sleeping very long. My night's are spent trying to sleep and I lay there awake. Some nights I get a little sleep and others not. My sleep habits are horrible and I sleep in 3-5 hour increments of time. I know I need to sleep regularly for good health but reality is another thing. My mind is hard to shut down at night to get to sleep. That is the short story and the longer one is much worse and much more to it. I am working on a book to inspire people to get beyond this condition .That there is hope and a life beyond this condition once one learns how to deal with it. PS..today I have built my business to over a million net worth and am one of those internet living at home and in my PJ's entrepreneurs ..not that simple But I have pushed myself to show it can be done and I am not done yet. I have only just began. James

Thanks for writing this. I am 26 now but my brain injury occured when i was 10. I had encephalitis and seized (part was in a pool) for 4 hours straight. The encephalitis also caused mesial temporal schlerosis. I was put on meds, but eventually got off of them because i thought my seizures had stopped. When i was 16 i started having them in highschool and i was put back on meds...which didnt work. At 17, i had a right temporal lobectomy. Before the surgery i was really shy and quiet. Now, i have pretty much no filters. Its so embarassing..i feel so different. Other than that, i have short term memory issues and a lot of emotional issues as well. Has anyone had this trouble?

This article is SO accurate. I wound up in ICU for two weeks and sustained coma, skull fractures and open-head surgery after a crazy freak accident when I was 15. My life dramatically changed and it was a bumpy, long recovery; however, nine years later, here I am after reaching a life-long goal I believed was unlikely to ever happen - I applied to Medical School this summer! It has not been an easy journey. While I still have to work much harder to learn and retain the same amount as my classmates, and I still experience mental fatigue and mild anxiety, my drive to overcome my injury in order to become a physician and inspire others in similar situations has blessed me with a miraculous recovery as well as the determination to succeed. All things are possible. Within 24 hours after my injury, my parents were told that the odds of my survival were not good, and that if I was to survive, I would very likely suffer significant permanent damage due to bruising and swelling of my brain. The statistics and predicted prognoses are disheartening, and I urge anyone who is recovering from a TBI not to let statistics define your own recovery outcome. I sincerely pray that my own story provides a little bit of hope to someone out there who needs it.

I had a TBI 6 years ago and it took my life away...I can no longer work, drive, read well, concentrate, I'm partially sighted and deaf on my right side along with being tired a lot and rely on my fiancé for so much. But I'm getting on with it...I have days that I hate myself but I also have days where I'm so happy to be here...Brain injury confuses me about everything but after finding this site I'm so happy to know that I'm not the only person in the world that has the same feelings and problems...Thank you everyone, I now feel like I belong...again...looking forward to reading what everyone has to say.

Thank you. This info is wonderful. I am an 18 year survivor. I have a masters degree, and everyone thinks I'm "fine". You have described me to a T. I have been sending this and the video in part 2 to everyone I know and trust, so they can (maybe) understand!

HiI am new to this site.my husband had a really bad brain bleed nearly 6 years ago.he still can't talk is still peg fed right side paralysed no understanding.i think I have come to the end of what I can do to help him now.can anyone suggest anything.

It is so refreshing to finally figure out why I am the way I am 10 years after having my cancerous brain tumor removed. I am medically in good health but because I look "normal" I wasn't treated for TBI. After struggling with this for all these years, a marriage counselor discovered my problem!! It's so good to hear other people feel the same as I do. I look perfectly fine, no physical disabilities. I guess that's a problem for the medical field. As days go by I become more frustrated with the "major teaching hospital" the did do their job in treating me medically, but not mentally. I am thankful that they saved my life! But if I had come into the hospital trauma unit with a head injury I would've gone thru cognitive and speech rehab. While I sometimes think "what might have been?" if I had rehab 10 yrs ago, I must forget that and move forward. I'm working with my insurance company to get the rehab I really need. My poor family has had to deal with me all this time while thinking I was this horrible person. I really did not have control over my emotions, communication issues, fatigue.... (My tumor was on the right side of my frontal lobe.) I truly did not understand any of my actions myself until my husband & I ended up in marriage counseling. I am thankful for finding sites like this one!!

I was the first case in NC at Duke diagnosed with Anti NMDA receptor encephalitis. My tumor wasnt found for over a year and treatment was experimental, prolonged and incompleted...I have only one person who truly stood by me and gave me all the patience and love i needed....my mother. No one understands and those you provide the information to help them comprehend only take certain facts and apply their ignorance.It takes patience and understanding. My brain is still healing 4 yrs later. If you suffer from a TBI , you are a walking miracle. That is what people should understand...what it is to live with everday

I am a single mother. As a result of a home invasion, my son received multiple injuries, one of which was in the parietal/occipital region of the brain. He is 23 yrs. old, the incident took place the latter part of last year. He was hospitalized for months. He has been in therapy for months. He is truly not the same. He has stammering words, processing information issues, prolonged preparation, lack of motivation, sleepy a lot. Although in his mind he is saying :cup for water, he may say "p, p,p, then what is it again". So then he gets a verbal prompt such as c, c sound, then he gets it.HE has right side weakness on the entire right side from his right foot all the way up, including the right side of both his left and right eye. At times it is difficult, but I guess I am just feeling so blessed, because the medical professionals didn't expect him to even make it. I am so blessed to have my son. But it is constant work and wondering. Please keep us in your prayers. I am currently seeking all the help I can for him that he be back to normal as possible, its not easy.

This is wonderfully instructive. Thank you so much. For your info, the ADHD Bulletin Board, a Yahoo group, discusses, from time to time, assorted ideas like: paying attention, inattention, processing, working memory, sustained attention, focus, executive function, concentration, visualization, central auditory processing, dyspraxia, whole (forest) vs parts (trees), constructional apraxia, nutrition, the real but small role which medicines can play for some for Inattentive ADHD relief of symptoms, social skills, cognition, perception, consciousness, etc.

I can relate to many of the personnal stories. Me I am 3 years out from a severe TBI caused by of all things a push bike accident with NO car and I was wearing a helmet. I would like to reply to some early comments about TBI being an invisible injury and people are very slow to understand what means for you. Me I also have an issue with the part of my brain that processes information from my right eye so I have to wear an eye patch to stabilise my vision. The advantage of this eyepatch beside spooking kids that I am a pirate is it also gives me visible evidence that I am not like I use to be. If I need extra visual impact I also have to walk with a quad stick which really identifies me as being disabled to the point that 81 year old little old ladies hold doors open for me or even offer to help up stairs etc. you have to take advantage of your TBI where ever you can. Go for it.

Thank you for taking Brain Injury out of the closet of ignorance! I have an Acquired Traumatic Brain Injury & got amazing help and support from friends, but, it was several progressive-thinking health care professionals that made it possible for me to believe in myself & future recovery too. It took eleven years of deliberate recovery before I was able to detail it all in my book, The Distracted Yogi: How I Reclaimed My BLISS After Brain Injury & Trauma. I'd come up against so much ignorance, including my own that I felt compelled to write about it so others like me would not have to feel so isolated & freakish! I really thought, mistakenly, that having practiced yogi & meditation for years prior would somehow give me a head-start on the road to reclaiming my sanity after becoming injured-I could not have known then how wrong I was about that. It's just been about 9 months since I've been able to return to meditation using Binural Beats/Brain Entrainment. I strongly recommend these options for anyone struggling to re-connect with their center of gravity-Spiritually speaking that is. My book retells my symptomology story as well as all the dramas I created & attracted plus, the reality that many of us become Drama-Magnets after becoming brain injured. I often characterize my journey as Trauma-to-Drama-to-Transformation! I feel so passionately about encouraging others to tell their own stories too & have included a basic How-To Tell Your Own Story Guide which is a basic blueprint to writing your own book. If you are interested it's available here: http://www.amazon.com/The-Distracted-Yogi-Reclaimed-Brain-Injury/dp/1484953258/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1373866378&sr=8-1&keywords=the+distracted+yogi MG Desgagne http://tdyogi.blogspot.ca/

As the primary caregiver and single mom of a teenager with TBI (and get your child off drugs if they are hallucinating...my daughter could not take any of the drugs without inducing high levels of anxiety,etc. Anyway, it has been 2 years. My emotions have been frazzled and the hardest part is keeping myself balanced so I dont loose it with her...and then watching her body shut down when I do loose it. I can also relate to the single mom just trying to make it. I have not found the \"it\" I am a believer in Jesus, have seen his miracles, and mostly pray for His peace and complete healing. I found \"partial\" cures from time to time, and we have long stretches of being better, then not so much. My prayers to each and every one who is walking this walk. Thank you for confirming what I have found, this is not a couple month then back to normal thing at all.

Stepmom/caregiver to 16 yr old teen. My stepdaughter was life flighted, on life support finally home 2 weeks ago. I have given her rest, chores that she can handle, and play games with her. She nows seems like her old self. She has just developed over the last 5 days a sleeping problem. She feels ther is someone outside, hearing tapping on the windows and refuses to believe it isnt real. I have raised her from 9 yrs old...she was very independent, never up at night. Now she is knocking on the door anywhere from 11pm to 330 am. She is scared very jumpy at night. none of us are getting much sleep. She had been on Gabapentin for 2 weeks, I spole with docs and they dont think its the meds. but we have stopped it anyway. Any other parents have a teen who is having troubles at night??

What makes you think that all of these recommendations about how to deal with the tbi survivors fade over time??? This article makes it sound like the newly-injured have it the worst and need the kid gloves the most? Brain injury is DEATH. You lose a part of YOU, just like you lose a loved one. Sure, you learn to deal with it, but you never truly recover, you just get used to it. There is STILL cognitive fatigue, STILL problems multi tasking, STILL auditory processing difficulties, and a myriad social, emotional (big time depression), up the wazoo problems in almost every functioning area INCLUDING physical (balance). And we DO deteriorate over time. I have been 30+ years post-TBI (no not combat-related, just a kid at the time...). And I am finally getting the AXE because my boss on the job 10 years now says I am screwing up, fumbling, making errors, not processing info the right way, not working like others and working well WITH others, staying too late - looks bad! I will lose my house not to mention other things - and I am a single woman, and there is no disability in the future, no social security in my state, I am in education, I will get a crap job somewhere cause I am too high functioning (mind you I almost died if they had not put me in a coma but was not rehab-ed in any sense of the word cause it was three decades ago). There is no help out there for people like me. I am trying to get help now to keep my job and my boss is actively working to fire me. The situation is more complicated than this but you get the picture. The life of a TBIer is a nightmare, be it at any level. You have to fight for your rights, and your new you you may really not want.

My daughter was severely brain injured at age 5, now at age 22. Earlier on she did really well, a very sweet and pleasant child, but now as she becomes more of an adult, she is just very difficult. She shows no emotion other than when she is upset - pitches fits and just really acts spoiled. She won't say she is sorry when she is wrong or say thank you to someone no matter how often I tell her she should. I try talking to her and she just stares at me without a saying a word. When other people speak to her, she just looks at them and never answer or says a word. She never has an opinion of her own. She doesn't want to try to work. She would be happy if she just sat and watched tv, mostly Disney type shows all day. Sometimes when I am talking to her, and she is starring at me, it looks like no one is in there; almost if she is just a shell. I am so frustrated with her and I don't know what to do. Finding help has been hard.

Agreed! This is such true honest information that not only the brain injured can use as their guide but for support systems, ie., families, friends, drs., spouses to hold close to them to hopefully better empathize with what we go through on a daily basis.

I had my TBI thirty years ago. I had midline damage, and some damage to my right hemisphere. Anyway, I have obtained two college degrees and have always had a job. My memory is still poor, however, and I still get very dizzy. My left side is still really numb and slow. I repeat myself a lot. You need to keep going. Give yourself a break. Get plenty of sleep and rest often. Make sure you eat small amounts of food often. Recovery is not a straight line. Tell people about your TBI ahead of time. Write EVERYTHING down. Have a wingman. Remember how lucky you are to still be here. Forgive yourself. You will go on.