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Kara Swanson, Brain Injury Blog, December 16, 2008
In my travels around the country speaking to the brain injury community, and during the time I’ve spent counseling survivors on line, I’m so often confronted with people who are so heart broken and frustrated and angry because they are no longer “normal” and will, likely, never be.
I tell them how normal they really are. Normal that they would be frustrated and heart broken by an injury that takes so much. Angry. Scared. Brain injury is no gig for sissies.
But I remind them that they are normal in a bigger way. That NOBODY gets through life unscathed. Nobody. Everyone has or will have that condition, disease, accident, injury or event in their lives that knocks them sideways and turns their life upside down. It’s one of the prices we pay for the gift of living.
I tell them, “Don’t be normal. Be better than normal!!!” We haven’t been put into a box because of this; we’ve just broken out of it. Armed with a unique perspective on how quickly life can change and how blessed we are to still be alive, the survivors of this injury and like conditions/situations get to learn what many don’t learn until far later in life.
This is a gift. An opportunity. A door blowing wide open. It’s a chance to decide that life really is too short and that there is no time for bad relationships, grudges held and mean spiritedness. Truly. What’s the point? How many years is enough to stay in a bad marriage, to hate a loved one for a misdeed you can’t even recall, or to keep taking back that rotten bastard promising never to hit you again?
People are seeking the greener grass that doesn’t exist. Nobody is normal and everyone is. Nobody struggles like me and everyone does. It’s life. And sometimes life comes knocking sooner and sometimes later but it does come knocking. And it might wear a hundred different coats but eventually it breaks everyone’s heart.
Beginning to successfully recover from brain injury, regardless of how many symtoms persist, occurs in that moment when you lay down the anger because it no longer serves you. When you stop counting things lost and start noting things gained and left and still available. When you start laughing at yourself again.
I often think of brain injury recovery as waiting for a bus. You sit at the bus stop waiting and waiting and waiting for the bus to come. To be healed. To be returned to the life you chose. And then…one glorious day, you simply get up and start walking.
From Kara Swanson's Brain Injury Blog. Used with permission. karaswanson.wordpress.com.
Comments [9]
I love it, so true!
While I do wholeheartedly agree that letting go of anger is required to move after brain injury, it must be acknowledged, and it is a process we absolutely must go through. Post injury, I was in denial for a long, long time. I did not acknowledge my anger, my long list of losses, and over time they have only become glaringly evident in every aspect of my life. I don't think it is fair to suggest people ought to feel blessed, or like they have been given a gift of some kind. I can tell you I don't feel blessed at all. I don't feel like it was a gift to be t-boned by a dump truck 3 weeks after I turned in my masters thesis. I do, however, feel very proud of the hard work that I have done in my rehab, and the hard work that I continue to do. I feel proud of the fact that, after years of tremendous fear, I can say out loud the words "I have a brain injury", without fearing the stigma attached to those words. I do appreciate life, love, and family. I did before my injury as well. I don't want to think that because I went through this trauma in my life that I know some secret that other people will never know in their lifetime. All that's important to me is that my core is the same as it's always been. I can do my part in showing people that some of the stigmas attached to brain injury are wrong in having the same passion for things as I always did. Maybe some of those things are different, but my drive is still there. In thinking like that, I don't scare people. I am comfortable sharing my story, but I can see that while some are amazed, others seem intimidated. I'm only honest in sharing my experiences, and i see a lot of people feel a sense of guilt that they've not experienced a huge trauma in their lives. This is why I don't talk about feeling blessed. I'm not blessed. I just live my life and hope that my hardwork and honesty inspire people.
talk about the other side plz will ya?
One of the best articles I have read on the subject. YES!!! Kara!!! Blessings, Jennifer A. TBI Survivor
Love the positive attitude. I hold one myself, and it is A CHOICE....but it brings so much MORE back into my life when I put it out. And no, this is not an injury for sissies ;) It is hard as hell to get through the day, but we do...and when we do, let's look for the lessons, the gifts!!
I no what u mean i have tbi and felt like a baby. I had to learn how to talk,walk,eat sometimes it feels like you just started a new life and maybe a little impulsive. the best thing is that were a still alive but in a new way. a way that teaches u to "never give up"
While it gives one a fuzzy feeling. Honestly your article made me more depressed. It isn't as easy as waiting for the bus to show up. Who pays the bills in the meantime? Insular is not even addressed here because every single person I know is gone now because I am different. Most people are intolerant to brain trauma individuals...we don't fit in....
Wonderful!!!! It says it all! mlw
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To the comment posters - I see all sides of what you are saying. I have had a TBI for 7 yrs, the first half I wanted to make people pay, anyone and everyone. I was mad, hateful and misunderstood. It has been difficult and I can comfortably say my life has been ruined. However, we are all different, and brain injuries are individual to the person, so not all of us will suffer the exact same way or recover the same way. I enjoyed the article, and didn't feel the negative feelings some comments reflected, but after a minute I felt and understood where all of you are coming from! In the last year or so I am starting to see that I have gained a few things, it cannot ever compare to what I lost, but that is gone, I accept that and now cherish the few benefits - compassion, understanding... It isn't much I agree, but after losing so much it is nice to have anything "better" than before ;) It gets better with time, slowly. Peace
Jun 30th, 2010 3:04pm