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What Happens to Relationships After Brain Injury?

Comments [127]

From the National Resource Center for Traumatic Brain Injury

What Happens to Relationships After Brain Injury?

Many survivors and family members describe changes in their relationships after the injury. They may not hear much from friends, co-workers, and extended family members. Others notice that their phone calls, emails, and letters are left unanswered. Some survivors find themselves feeling alone even when they spend much of their time with family members or friends. Here are some of the things people say about their relationships after brain injury. Do any of these statements sound like things you have said?

  • I can't relate to other people. It's easier to be by myself.
  • What happened to all the friends who came to visit me in the hospital?
  • Other people don't want to be around me.
  • People seem to avoid me.
  • My wife threatens to leave me at least twice a week.
  • I wonder why no one returns my calls.
  • It seems like everyone at work has lost my phone number.
  • I haven't talked to anyone in weeks.
  • Nobody cares about me.
  • I don't have any friends.
  • Seems like nobody wants to talk to me.
  • Nobody has any idea what I am going through. They don't understand me.

Why people feel lonely even when around family members or friends?

After injury, many survivors describe feeling lonely — even when they are surrounded by other people. This loneliness may arise for many different reasons.

  • Difficulty talking to other people or understanding what others are saying are common problems survivors face after injury. Communication problems can make relating to other people and explaining your thoughts and feelings very difficult. These problems can lead to feeling misunderstood and isolated.
  • Many survivors feel self-conscious after their injuries. They may worry about being different or less capable than other people. Self-consciousness can make it harder to spend time with other people or seek out new relationships.
  • After injury, many survivors worry about what others will think of them and may feel nervous about being around other people. They may be afraid of being hurt or rejected by other people.
  • Many survivors notice they are more irritable after their injuries. When irritated, they may say or do things they regret later on. Some survivors try to stay away from those they care about for fear of behaving poorly. Family and friends may also avoid you if they are worried about what you might say or do.
  • Fatigue and low energy are common problems after brain injury. Survivors may not have the energy to do things they used to enjoy or to spend time with friends and family. Family and friends may also worry about tiring you out when they invite you to do something.
  • Pain and other physical problems often make it harder for survivors to do things they used to enjoy. You may also have trouble leaving the house, traveling, or visiting other people. Injury-related limitations make it harder to nurture and build relationships.
  • Many survivors are not able to drive or work after their injury. Lack of transportation and money may make it hard to visit others or do things you enjoy.
  • People generally make friends through work or being involved in social or recreational activities. After injury, survivors often stop working and may not be involved in sports, church, and other activities. You may lose contact with friends and co-workers because you don't see them as much.
  • Friends and family may feel uncomfortable because they don't know what to say, how to act, or how to help. Discomfort may make it harder for them to relate to you or spend time with you. Help them out by letting them know about your positive and negative feelings and what they can do to help you.

From the National Resource Center for Traumatic Brain Injury, Virginia Commonwealth Model Systems of Care. Chapter reprinted with permission from the NRC TBI publication, Memory Matters: Strategies for Managing Everyday Memory Problems. www.neuro.pmr.vcu.edu.

Comments [127]

My husband suffered a brain trauma injury, back in May of 2016, he had a right side brain surgery, which left him on a coma for 4 months. I was with him all thru the time in the hospital 24/7. He went to a nursing home I was with him through that ordeal. He wasn't being taken care of, he came down with an infection and dehydration. Since I was not allow to be with him at night to make sure that he properly got taken care, I decided to bring him home on December 2016, I alone have been properly taking care of him, I have been told that I am doing a great job with him, he is recovering. He moves his left arm and he is starting to move his left leg and right leg slowly. He is talking, although some of his sentences are clear and some are not, but he is getting more and more clear. But I love him and hate for him that I tried to give him all the affection I can make him feel safe. I tell him I will always be by his side.

Apr 21st, 2017 8:49pm

I get you. I know this sucks but it helps me to seriously focus on not taking it personal. I know I'm a great woman. I know the truth. And I know what I've done even if he can't remember me being there . I have to submit to the fact that it might not change. I have to submit to the fact That I'm good enough and I love him until the end of time . I strongly believe that we will see each other after the new system and that he will be healed . And that I am doing Gods work and appreciating God for sending him in my life . I do believe he put a partner in my life . I will do everything for him to honor God as I try to do for my kiddos. And I will do everything I can to improve on the life he deserves & was granted by a God. I think we have to get strong enough in our own self-esteem to know that we contribution to another human being in such an epic way & We roll model Jesus is love for everybody . May you find comfort in that beautiful hope . Ranee

Mar 10th, 2017 2:40am

First of all it is your boyfriend's brain injury that is causing him to act this way. His sister says he acts this way around strangers and around you so it tells me he is fearing rejection. He is probably so afraid you won't want him anymore. Just keep reassuring him and as time passes and his brain heals more he will be able to relate better. My husband had a traumatic brain injury at work and wasn't supposed to survive. A year and a half later he is improving and going to therapy every week. He expresses his anger mostly at me but now I understand the anger is fear. I had to get a counselor to help me make sense of things. Your relationship will never be what it was but you can build it better because you now know never to take even one day for granted! Also the doctors had to put him back on some of the drugs to control anger. If he has to stay on them for the rest of his life he understands why. I wish you luck for your future for you and your boyfriend and son. Ask for help. It really is too much to handle on your own.

Feb 24th, 2017 8:28pm

I did not have what most consider a traumatic brain injury however had several small strokes culminating in a larger one. Thank GOD it was not that bad. I have experienced over some months when the neurologist thinks I was having smaller ones that affected behavior etc much change in relationships..especially with my best friend. He accused me of saying things that I don't recall or could not believe I had said and recently ended our relationship over this. I sent him a letter today hoping he reads it as my doctor told me many of the things I say I don't remember or mean. I hope he forgives me and reads up on the symptoms.

Feb 14th, 2017 6:40pm

I've been going thru the same thing. My husband had a bad accident August 22 of 2016. He had his bone flap replaced November 8th of 2016. During his coma he had a stroke which was unnoticed because of the paraletics he was on. He will get better once he gets his bone flap back on his speech will get better and his anger. It does take time my husband still has good days and bad. I'm just lucky he is still alive. Be aware your boyfriend might start having seizures. My husband suffers from epilepsy now. You're not alone and read up. Most people get divorced after a TBI. Our loved ones are never the same. However I will not be added to that percentage rate. God will see us all thru. Xoxo

Feb 13th, 2017 1:41pm

As concerns the TBI, I actually believe my left brain function is stronger then before. The loss of affect was temporary. I have many friends and a loyal partner.I had a TBI from a bacterial infection in 2008. It was an aneurysm in my right frontal lobe. Before the TBI, I had endocarditis, requiring an aortic valve replacement. I spent 90 days in hospital/rehab, before being diagnosed with a failed heart valve and had a redo surgery. All total 115 days in hospital/rehab. Just prior to the illness, my father had died and I was replaced as a CEO of an international company. During my hospitalization, my wife visited me every two weeks, but my sister and nieces were there weekly. My children were 1 and 3 at the time. At the last days before my re-op, my wife served me divorce papers. When I called her in desperation the night before, she told me she wasn't about to care for an invalid who may need his diaper changed daily. We argued and she told me she hoped I died in surgery. Fortunately, I was at a very high level of function intellectually and had a good baseline of health and genetics and made it through with no complications. I was considered disabled by a neuropsychologist and out of work. Living with my sister, I made frequent visitations to see my children. At that time, I realized my ex was involved with another man and had likely been cheating during my hospital stay. I became extremely depressed and suicidal. I spent 3 years in legal battles over custody and property and 3 years in talk therapy. After the divorce was finalized, I received joint legal and physical custody of the children and got the house back. Being unemployed and lonely, I began to date woman I met through dating services. I met a woman in NYC and our dating led to a relationship. Long distance, but filling a need for both of us. We dated for 1 year and she moved to California where we lived together and later married. She helps with the children and understands my employment dilemma, being over 60 and stigmatized for the TBI. After 8 years, I have started my own business and am active again intellectually. I do have minor PTSD from this TBI, but not limiting my energy or sharpness. I have a low level depression that has persisted for 9 years, which nobody recognizes. I live for my children, but had they not been in my life, I would have ended it. Now, I have a reason, even an obligation to live if I want them to grow up knowing they were wanted and loved by their father.

Feb 6th, 2017 3:43pm

I can relate. The not-so-funny thing is, the girl that I thought was my best friend was in a car accident a decade ago and we had similar struggles but since she got a lot of help in recovery she seemed to have little empathy because I've had to struggle on my own after I had a stroke shortly after I was born almost 50 years ago. So it's hard to socialize, I'm shy, self conscious, and I often get criticized or berated if I say something "wrong" so I've learned to talk less. Now I live alone. The only person who talked to me was the store clerk who told me how much the merchandise was that I was buying. No friends. Nobody happy to see me. Nobody cares if I come or go. And yet, I'm told if I reach out, that is "seeking attention" and is therefore wrong. 

Feb 4th, 2017 7:45pm

My situation is very similar but my husband's injury was combat related. I try so hard to excuse his lack of emotion...neglect of the family and complete disregard for all responsibility...i just want my husband back but I spin my wheels more every day.

Feb 3rd, 2017 6:26am

I'm with ya girlfriend, my husband had a stroke and went blind! 8 TIA attacks, 2 more full blown strokes, and then he fell. He had brain surgery and he was not the same after that! Two years later he fell again and I was asleep. I heard nothing. Another blow to the brain. They put him into an induced coma for 5 days. He survived!! I should say WE survived all of this! I can't go to the grocery store and he thinks I have a boyfriend. How would I have a boyfriend? I tell him I can't even get my hair done. And why would I ever want another man to take care of? We have been married 30 years. I hate to say this but it's going to be a long road ahead for you and your son. And when people try and tell you what to do. They are not in your shoes, you are. Not them! Daily, hour by hour ... I've cried a river I have PTSD from all I have been through. I feel like a soldier with shell shock. what is going to happen next? He's up all night and wakes me all night! We are not nurses, we're wives ... but wait, are we wives anymore? No. We're nurses!! That's how I feel ... I cry all the time to relieve my stress then my eyes hurt. I don't know how else to relieve the stress. Text me back any questions if you want I will talk to you anytime. k god bless you soldier

Feb 2nd, 2017 11:42pm

On thanksgiving of 2016 my boyfriend of 8 yrs (whom i have a 3yr old son with) got into an accident while riding a dirt bike. A woman crashed into him causing him to fly over his bike and land face forward. For a month he was in a coma with life support. I was there by his side every day through the night, on days off work and even on work days I was there before and after work. I would eat at the hospital and come home in time to put our son to bed. I saw his first twitches, felt his hand squeeze mines, saw when he first opened his eyes, cried and tried to communicate....I was there! It was a unique connection we had. He was transferred to a rehab 2 hours away from were we lived. I would go alone, with his mom, and with our son on certain occasions. I was there on Christmas, and New Years Eve. He was getting better and I was hopeful. I was his personal cheerleader. When he wanted to talk on the phone it was my number he called. I would call 3 to 4 times a day. He came home and everything was great for the first couple of days. Three days ago he started acting like he hates me. Everything I say or do is wrong. I feel rejected. I talk to his mom and she said I have to excuse him, that it's the injury, and his brain is like a baby right now but I feel like that is not the case. Everyone in his family walks on eggshells around him now. His sister who I tried to get clarity from says he is different now and she explained more but within that conversation one thing resonates that she told me, only two things set him off strangers and me. When she said that I felt like shit. I felt like running and screaming. I was talking with her when my other line beeped and it was him I was one block away and rushed home, got in and answered. He was mad, He claimed I cheat on him while I work and that I let my job come between me, him, and our son. Because I leave my son home with my parents he gets angry. He forgets that I need money for our son and constantly accuses me of cheating. Sometimes I feel like giving up. But I love this man with every cell and molecule in me. He gets surgery again in a couple weeks to replace a piece of skull that is missing. As of now he wears a helmet. I don't know what to do. He constantly says that I should be so lucky he is with me and that I lost a good man and that he will find another. But his mom told me to disregard that remark. Can someone help me please? I feel like everything I did counted for nothing.

Jan 31st, 2017 1:03am

You're not the only one girl. I was in a motorcycle accident with my wife of 15 years and right before that I found out she was cheating on me. I can't tell you how many times I felt suicidal but when I see her there dead all that didn't matter anymore at that moment. I just wanted my love back. She's getting better. Times get hard very. Often as I sit and she gets sidetracked and I steer into our past but I look at her now and she realizes she had another chance. She is even doing way better in life itself. I so hope. Best of luck to you and some men will always be that way.

Jan 7th, 2017 11:52am

My boyfriend of 5 years lies in icu after a car accident on 9th December 2016. At the accident scene the police gave me his belongings and I found out he had a secret cellphone. I went through it only to discover he has been cheating on me with 3 women. He was on his way to see one of them according to phone records and the place he was found at. I come here to see what I may have to deal with when he wakes up, I'm scared that he won't be himself, I'm angry at him. I don't want to abandon him because I still love him. We have a daughter together, I want him to be better for her too. But with his betrayal and the anger I sometimes feel towards him I wonder if I'll make it through to the other side of him living with TBI. I need a story of a miracle. Please share somebody.

Dec 26th, 2016 2:22am

I can relate. I have floated in that boat and will for the rest of my life. Very lonely. I have worked an extensive amount of years. I completely agree with you. I have had five brain injuries due to faulty recalled windows that were not removed. Each day is more than a challenge. I won't stop fighting heads up :-)))))

Dec 25th, 2016 7:11pm

On Sep 21st, 2016 10:24pm somebody (anon) wrote: 'each day is a choice. We can spend it feeling angry, hopeless or decide to bring hope to someone else...'

Maybe they are lucky enough/not injured enough (have enough help) that they CAN choose every day = all sorts of choices. Lucky them.

Some of us CAN'T and I'm very sick of people blaming ME. TOTALLY unfair and WRONG.

Today I'm in so much pain, exhausted, cold (10 C when I got up in 'home'), my teeth hurt (no dentist), my eyes hurt (opthalmo/neuros refuse to help), my neck feels TERRIBLE pain and my lumbar (now totally flat so squishing nerves to legs = numb & more muscle loss), still living out of boxes (been moved on so often), place a mess & dirty chaos. No cooker, told to write letters ad infinitum, threatened with expulsion/homelessness... a CHOICE to feel bad? Get REAL. Go bully somebody else.

Go preach to people who DO make bad choices, don't judge us without KNOWING our circumstances. How DARE you judge things you clearly know nothing about?

Dec 19th, 2016 1:53pm

I want a telephone number to God. I want His phone number because I need to ask Him a question. I need to know why did my husband have to sustain a brain injury. On December 24th of this year it will be exactly 17 years ago that he was involved in a bad car accident that was caused when the sun glare blinded him and he missed the Stop sign on the corner that caused him to run through the intersection and crash into the bus. Not a single bone on his body was broken. Not a tear on his skin did he endure. Nope, only the injury caused to his brain which changed him forever. The anger, the lack of control, the sudden impulses, dear God, I cannot handle this. It doesn't get better. It really doesn't. Not in our family. He feels that he is okay, but he is not. I get blamed for EVERYTHING. When I tell you that I am the most patient, understanding and compassionate person there is I am telling you the truth. But I can't handle this anymore. I had a horrible childhood and I feel that I already paid my dues. The suffering that I bore during my childhood years should have been taken into consideration before God allowed this TBI to be thrust into my path. I miss my husband, who he used to be. How he comforted me, protected me, loved me and cherished me before he changed into an angry monster. We only had 3 years together as a couple before TBI came and destroyed our lives. I wish I could understand what God's plan is for me because no matter how I analyze it I just can't understand. Please, if someone has God's phone number, please share it with me. I'm drowning in tears... 

Dec 11th, 2016 4:55pm

Life sucks. Since I fell off a roof in  2001 and spent 6 weeks in a coma, people have done whatever they can do to rip me off, screw me over, cheat on, stab in the back, etc.. People are the worst thing on this planet and I have to find reasons to still want to be here every single day. Relationships are a yeah right.

Nov 28th, 2016 10:57am

“The dynamics of our relationship had entirely changed…our lives turned upside down and things would never be quite the same again.”
from www.traumaticbraininjurytbi.wordpress.com www.headbraininjury.wordpress.com

Oct 31st, 2016 7:28pm

There is hope. My brother has a TBI and is doing great. 4 years ago he shot himself in the head, had a 0-5% chance of living, and ended up making it. It was a long road of recovery, about a year and a half-2 years, but he's doing ok. He still has shrapnel in his head, walks with a limp, has memory loss, and can't feel certain sensations (stomach being full/empty etc). My mom is one of those people that is very caring, but also is like--you can do it, I'm not doing it for you. So it took my brother almost another year of living with her, and not having a bed (she refused to "set him up" so he would get motivated), he hated sleeping on the couch, he did feel sorry for himself at times and got frustrated and said some mean things to her, but she just kept reinstating the fact that he needed to make it on his own. He got a job as a manager at a job placement office (which is what he did before the incident), and got his own place, and recently even bought himself a new car. Makes good money, and they love him at the company. He adjusts things to accommodate his "new brain", like writing things down so he doesn't forget, challenges his brain and keeps the stimulation up by doing games like Sudoku and crossword puzzles, and even though he did lose all his friends and ended up moving to a new location (started anew to avoid the weird stares in his small town), he has kept adamant in trying to better his situation with family and people. Is he the same? No. Do we realize it? Yes. But he wouldn't give up and made it work with his new brain. So yes, I believe there is hope. I believe there is a way. Not saying it's the same for everyone, but just ask yourself, what will YOU do to live with your new brain? It is possible. :)

Oct 1st, 2016 3:50am

I have been truly blessed to have the waiting rooms in the hospital taken over by friends and family... Now I am almost 2 years out on the road of recovery and the kind and closeness carries on! For those in need of closer friendships and family members, be honest, tell them how you truly feel!

Sep 29th, 2016 4:41pm

My family has been amazing support but still I find myself lonely every day. We need to find help for this not just medication

Sep 29th, 2016 11:57am

I survived a brain injury and I realize I'm considered "lucky" but it really doesn't seem that way the majority of the time. I've managed to find two extremely amazing women. And I somehow ruined both relationships. Along with all others whether romantic, friends, even most family. And the family that I do see a few times a month. I've tried talking to them and they just don't say anything back. I get made fun of because I never get anything that everyone else always does. Some of them point out loudly and publicly how consistently I do that. Basically saying I'm dumb. And maybe I am but it's not fun to ever go anywhere because of it and when I do I don't want to talk. My last girlfriend (I really loved her a lot) she made me feel that way constantly. That took my insecurity about it to a new level! I think she only stayed as long as she did because I spoiled her a lot. But that changed me again. I feel like I could never possibly be someone anyone could ever love. And that's hard to deal with. Really really REALLY hard to deal with. I also have got to the point I don't know how to be me again. My memory is gone. I barely remember any of my own past. When I'm in a situation I feel like I could be me it's like there's something invisible holding me back and I don't seize the moment. Always alone no matter what. It sucks! On the bright side I'm an artist in everything I do. Initially I lost a lot of talent but through a lot of loneliness I've honed & expanded my skills! I own a barbershop now, a salon, two rentals, and a house I'm trying to flip now. Also got into chainsaw carving. I love it. Almost gutted myself in the early stages but I'm a lot better now. Still have the scare though lol. So I do better financially now, but I suffer intensely in about every other way. I like to imagine I'll meet someone amazing that is ok with me being dumb, and doesn't make me feel alone. This is gonna have to happen with me never going anywhere other than work, and the funniest part is I'm a barber lol. So I don't meet many single women in that field of work. So I guess ya just gotta accept solitude and try to embrace it however you can.

Sep 24th, 2016 1:38am

I have read many of your stories on here. I realize, I am not alone. Even though most of the time, I feel that way, so do many of YOU. I also realize how blessed I am. Many of you have been through a great deal. I do know what it is like to feel hopeless, alone, like giving up, but ... that was the day I stopped looking at my situation and I looked up. Then I looked around and slowly began to reach out to others even if it was the smallest thing, a smile (which you have to think about when you have a TBI). Will my life be what it was prior to my TBI? No. I have learned to accept some things and there are days I still cry. I can not speak for you, but each day is a choice. We can spend it feeling angry, hopeless or decide to bring hope to someone else, who knows....it just might make some changes for YOU! Praying 4 U!

Sep 21st, 2016 10:24pm

You have my kind regards. I am also a brain injury survivor and have had a few bumps throughout my journey of life. I had a brain injury when I was 15 I was assaulted and I am currently 19. Nevertheless I have managed to pull through and still seem to face similar problems concerning my communication with everyone around although I have managed to overcome those problems. There were times when my friends didn't pay attention to me and I was disregarded by them leaving me lonely at school on top of the fact that I went one year back due to failing my exams. This was worsened by the fact that I was bullied and also by the fact that I was a year back and could see the progress of my friends without me. I have now overcome these problems thank Allah as I am a Muslim. Although I have managed to be much more popular and more socially involved I still face problems keeping in contact with newly made acquaintances. Some people don't recognize that I have a problem and regard me as an intelligent person although I do get people avoiding me. I do believe I act a little too serious and find it difficult to break ice with new friends especially when alone with one person. I can easily be funny and joke but that depends on who I am with. I still have a long way to go , although it seems like just arrived from a long voyage. I guess I need to set sail again and this time need to be more prepared for storms ahead as well as have sunscreen if it will be sunny in the sea. Anyway I wish you the best and just advice your husband to get out of his comfort zone and find something to do in his life.

Aug 25th, 2016 5:31pm

I have a TBI from the war 11 years ago. Since then I have not been the same. I PTSD and all of the problems that come with it. I'm about to lose my wife cause I can't stop lying to her. I love her more than anything in the world but I used to never lie except for little white ones. I try everything to be honest with her and I keep falling back. I've read that TBI'S can cause a person to do it. I just really need some help but I'm afraid if I tell a Dr. about anything. I have a fear that I could be put away from my life.

Aug 24th, 2016 1:07pm

My significant other had a TBI in 2012 and at first it did not seem to have changed much about him other than he was slower and his memory was not good. He was still able to communicate, bath, dress himself and feed himself. He would laugh and talk, read, watch t.v., walk and work out,  just as before. He still had his sense of humor, (which is what I fell in love with in the first place) and his loving heart. He was no longer able to work, due to the severe memory issues, which was vital to his job. He still made me feel like a queen with his kind words and his loving gestures. I married him in 2013 because I still loved him just as I did prior to the TBI and while there were obvious differences, those obstacles did not seem to be so huge at the time, but in the last 3 1/2 years things have really changed. His entire family, has more or less disowned him and there are NO friends left. He has not even seen his grown children since 2013 (no, they do not care for me). Even his mom and dad have not talked to him in over a year. He has pretty much forgot them all now, which is not what I wanted, but I am too busy taking care of him too try and force a relationship between all of them. He no longer puts forth any effort to make himself better and all my attempts at bringing in outside help has done nothing for him because he will not try.  My friends do not understand the situation, although "they are sorry for me."  They think I should have never married him and they may be right, but tell that to my heart. My husband is pretty much gone now, he no longer talks to me, there is NO physical relationship and I just roam around the house while he sleeps. His day consist of eating, sleeping and reading. He says maybe 10 words to me in a days time and that is typically, " when are we going to eat"? and "I am going to bed"! I am blessed to still be able to work,  due to the fact that I am self employed and able to run my own hours. One of my disabled family members stays with him while I am out, we trade out sitting with him for room and board. In some ways I am lucky that I have the freedom to work and I know this but even that is suffering because my home life is on my mind constantly.  Here is my dilemma. My husband acts like he could care less if I am here or not as long as he is fed, and while he tells me he loves me, there is nothing to back it up and as humans we need that connection. When I ask him to share his thoughts or his feelings he looks at me like I have lost my mind, when all I want is communication. I asked him today to share one memory with me, any memory,  and he did not know what the word "memory" meant. When I explained it to him he told me he remembered marrying me and actually told me where we got married at. That is a big deal that he could remember this, so how could I even be thinking of giving up on us? I do not think family and friends realize that when they walk away, they take so much more from the TBI member than the brain injury itself does. Socialization is everything to some of them).  Walking out alienates and isolates these individuals and the effect this has on the self worth that the person with the TBI has is felt clear to their soul and it makes them feel unimportant and they give up. I have to fight daily to keep from getting sucked into his world of just existing and it is hard to not just give up myself.  There is no joy, excitement, very little laughter and no hope of a happier tomorrow. I do not mean for this to be doom and gloom but just stating the facts of how hard this is and very confusing, as to the right thing to do for both of us. I feel like he would not even remember me in a matter of a month if I was to place him in a facility,  but when I checked them out they are downright depressing and I cannot imagine placing him in that environment. He has been through and lost enough already but do I sacrifice my sanity for his benefit of staying home? We really need some better options out there. I thank God every day for my son and a couple of friends I do have left and I thank my brother for his support but I just do not know how far I let this take me down before I admit defeat.

Aug 18th, 2016 6:37pm

I have a friend whose husband suffered a brain injury over 5 years ago while on the job as a police officer. They were the fairy tale couple that everyone envied! With 5 great children they did everything together as a family. They were kindest people you would ever meet and the love that burst through their eyes was enough to make everyone jealous of their relationship! He has been going through treatment since the accident, suffering migraines, anxiety, mood swings, PTSD, etc. As the years have gone on, his symptoms seem to have gotten worse! He was visibly a different person than he was before the accident. I pray for that family every day! What was the perfect little family has become a tragic story! His wife and his children have had to learn to be with this man who no longer is the person the knew and loved so much! The sacrifices they have made to help and care for him have been difficult...especially for the young children who do not fully understand! It has been so very sad! A few months ago he added salt to the wounds by trying to commit suicide. While the family was still reeling from that pain, he decided to have an affair and recently moved out to live with this woman! As I am an outsider looking in, I can see that the man she married died 5 years ago after his accident. But it is so heartbreaking to watch this family suffer so much. Everyone is in counseling which is a good thing! How do I help this family? I am not naive enough to think I can fix it...but I want to help somehow make the pain of this a little better. I have read these stories and have shed tears for each one! Brain injuries are such a cruel and heart wrenching tragedy. Sending you all prayers for healing and happiness!

Aug 14th, 2016 11:29am

I am so surprised to find this site. I suffered a ruptured AVM when I was a young, pretty, 22 years old woman in 1980. Then, there were no support groups, no one to talk to. I was popular, married almost two years and was left with left side paralysis. After 2 years of therapy, many people were unable to tell anything was wrong and I strived to "be normal." But, of course, I'm not. I've been financially secure to afford the very best of everything. I've traveled the world,  living a spectacular life, but its been without anyone my age to relate with on the subject of my illness. My children know me only as I am, not as I know I was. My existence has been doctors, physical therapy, medication, MRI scans, depression, more depression, acting out, divorce, addiction, rehab...  Now, that my career as a reporter is done and I've got time on my hands to give toward my grown family, NO ONE CALLS.  Yes, my injury has changed me as I've grown older, but what the hell, I'm still more entertaining than most people I know. Anyway, so glad to find this site. I'll return to reading your comments and wish I could personally connect with some of you.   Leslie

Aug 14th, 2016 3:18am

I feel so alone and isolated since my husband had a stroke. I care for him at home. I feel every bodies else's life has gone on except ours. I know I shouldn't feel sorry for myself but my heart is hurting so much 😢

Jul 29th, 2016 8:31am

Great information

Jul 10th, 2016 4:39am

Tank you. This writing is just how I have felt since severe brain damage 9 years ago.

Jun 10th, 2016 7:52am

I have a head injury and I identify with everything in this list. All of these complications can lead to other hardships: depression, anxiety, abusing drugs and alcohol to feel normal. I got hit at 16. I didn't understand and neither did my friends. I did drugs to feel more confident. I drank alcohol to make it easier to leave my house. To make me 'better' in social situations I relied on a high. I know this is common. I spend time being hurt and angry because none of my friends loved me enough to stay. I was just too much to handle. I try not to think about it though. It's old news. I'm 25. I still make really poor decisions and have incredibly shit judgement. I have come to terms with this. My boyfriend didn't know me before the injury. He doesn't get it, plain and simple. I've tried so hard to be with this man and I don't know if I can because he does not act on his words of kindness.. He just doesn't get it. I can't make him. I want to be happy. I know if you're anything like me, this you feel you don't deserve. The guilt.. Don't have patience for someone that doesn't have patience for you. If they hold your irritability over your head and accuse you of holding double standards - They need to have different standards. It's never going to be easy with someone like me (a person with a head injury). Now. All of us know, ok, if you can't then don't.. Go now. This is personal, obviously.. And if anything maybe this can be encouraging to someone going through the same thing  Stay strong, oh yeah and TBI for life ✌ (Silly)

May 17th, 2016 3:48pm

My son had a stroke. He needs some friends. ..he is 21

Mar 3rd, 2016 8:29pm

Something feels very wrong with me and I'm scared. I am a very independent person and after my bicycle accident I feel like I'm making all kinds of bad choices. I can't remember dates or thoughts and I've screwed up so many appointments. Everyday it feels like I've forgotten to do another important thing. I have never felt this mentally dull but no one else has seemed to notice just yet. Is it possible I'm just stressed and this is all in my head?

Feb 29th, 2016 1:17pm

Yep everything I can identify with.  I'm actually slipping away a little bit more day by day.  Tragic

Feb 28th, 2016 8:33pm

I met my boyfriend 12 years after his brain hemorrhage, and a few months in I'm learning about his impulses etc. He is the best person I have met and struggles to believe that I want to understand more and that I want to stick around - he's not used to it. He lied to me about his financial situation, trying to paint a picture of him as a provider for me. I understand his lying doesn't indicate any malice, but I struggle to believe little things. I also want to help him learn to save money so he can plan for his future but the thought of managing his finances will make him lack self-worth. I'm happy to take baby steps but am on the lookout for tried and tested methods to help combat these things!

Feb 21st, 2016 4:28pm

these are all so true. i have a tbi right now from a girl who was on 3 types of drugs hitting me. broke my hip, back, lacerated my liver/ spleen & major memory loss. therapy is going okay though, i just hate it so much.

Feb 8th, 2016 11:32pm

Agreed. In my experience, he was attempting to cheat even before the stroke. Its low self esteem.

Feb 2nd, 2016 10:40pm

At this time I am recovering from a traumatic brain injury. Everybody has different symptoms. but cheating, I don't think that has something to do with the injury. That's who he was as a person.

Feb 1st, 2016 8:13am

I met by boyfriend about 6 months after he had his tbi in a car accident. He was not shy at all, and told me I was pretty. He even started holding my hand 30 minutes after we met. I thought he was funny outgoing and sweet and he is, but I knew nothing about TBIs. We eventually started dating and I started to see the negative sides of the injury that I thought would be easy to overcome since we had already formed a tight friendship. His mood would change super quick, his happy was super happy and his angry was infuriated. He started to message my girl friends on Facebook and I was hurt by it. He was and is very impulsive and I know he had a hard time controlling it. He would call me (no joke) about 20 times in a row if I didn't answer. He would show up at my house when I hadn't invited him. He got really tired and we would have to stop what we're doing at times so he could take a nap or we could lay down. My friends didn't like me dating him because he would message them and told me I took care of him like a baby, but I shook it off. He was unable to get a job, and had a hard time making friends. We hung out every day until he went to Bakersfield for treatment and to learn some basic skills in order to live successfully with a tbi. He was gone for months and during that process I had time to think about whether I wanted to live like this for the rest of my life. I loved him so much but I had so many goals in life such as getting my nursing degree and traveling the world studying medicine I felt they were unachievable if I were with him. I also pictured myself having lots of kids and to not work all the time, I couldn't imagine leaving him alone with a baby or toddler and knew he couldn't get a job to help out with future finances. I broke up with him because I figured he had staff and support in Bakersfield that could help him cope and move on. I was sad but kept busy through school and work. When he came back he got a new girlfriend and we didn't talk until one day we decided to get lunch. We had fun and talked for hours. After that I thought in my head that if I loved him that much and we had this great chemistry I could make everything work out. We got back together and I even went to counseling and therapy with him but a month later he (physically) cheated on me. I was so devastated and sad, I knew he had impulse control issues but never saw it going this far. I felt like I could have gotten past the effects of the brain injury, but this was too much and too painful, it felt like a slap to the face. I broke things off for good and that was about 2 years ago. I still think about him and recently found some of our old pictures. I don't talk about him to anyone because I feel like no one understands me. I miss our friendship and think about the good times we had. I feel bad for him too, I want him to be successful and happy but I know what demons he faces every day.

Jan 23rd, 2016 5:48pm

Valentines Day 2015 changed our lives forever. My husband was rushed to hospital having seizures. What was happening, he has never been sick apart from the occasional cold. Then I was given the news no partner wants to hear " We found a large tumor on his brain" Our relationship has changed tremendously and I always wish somehow we could take it back. He now struggles daily with chronic fatigue, lacks motivation to do any activity. He has bursts of frustration and most of all for me we have lost our intimacy. He is living his own private hell and I am on the outside watching and feeling very lonely. We dont converse as much anymore. Date night is a bygone memory. Our marriage is extremely hard but I would rather it be hard than not have him at all !! Now we just have to take a different journey and learn to enjoy this new life with all the new highs and lows. I would much rather cry a few tears than cry a river if I had lost him ..

Jan 17th, 2016 6:59pm

In the last year my boyfriend got hit by a car while walking.. Our relationship has suffered tremendously and I always wish somehow we could take it back. He has had anger issues and a close relative of his passed away only six months after. Things have been terrible hard but I would rather it be hard than not have him at all. We were together for a year and a half and now going on three. He was put on mood stabalizers to help his anger, and since then has been able to control it a lot better with slight bursts here and there. He is an angel and always remember that they don't mean to be what the brain injury caused.. they can't control it. If you are concerned go to a doctor or therapist and ask for help, they wish the accident didnt happen as much as us loved ones do, so always encourage them to be the best person. I know I will never be without my boyfriend, he may be different, but he's a love and always will be. 

Jan 9th, 2016 4:25am

Everything changes, nothing is the same very hard to trust, he angers easily, forgets what we just talked about, accuses me of not understanding or supporting him. It's a very lonely life because now I'm the caregiver

Jan 5th, 2016 1:56pm

My god i agree with every word written here, in Feb 2013 I suffered I'm told a severe TBI as a passenger in a car. I was a driven successful person before my injury but hell this impact has removed a lot of my personality to the person I now am however I'm so glad that my previous driven personality remained and it's that determination that has helped me but I've been in some tough times since my injury. I wish all with head injuries a blessed future with happiness and hope. Gary..

Jan 4th, 2016 4:41am

I had a tbi when I was 16. My life was great. I was getting offers for college football and looking forward to my senior year. It was March 31, 2009, and just a normal day going to school. The temperature was 26 degrees that morning but 70 the prior day and also later that day I found out. I had a 2004 Chevy Colorado. Only 6/10 of a mile from home I hit 72 feet of black ice that had formed from a water main break. I don't remember the accident. I hit a tree and suffered a diffuse axional brain injury. Basically shaken baby syndrome doctors told my parents. My life is great now I'm 23 married with an 18month old daughter. I work on the railroad and have a college degree. I do have a great life but very often feel a sense of depression and wonder of what my life would've been. My high school sweetheart broke up with me and I can't get over that. And I feel very anxious that I can't remember the actual wreck. Everything else I remember even better than before. Can anyone relate or give me advice on why I feel this way? I feel strange.

Dec 28th, 2015 12:03pm

Perhaps written for those who have not been affected as much as the severely ones. We can't give compliments, babysit, go for coffee, etc. if we are unable to leave our home. For the ways we are affected, much of this list  is 'simply' not doable. My comments are meant for positive clarification. I respect those who write, and I am thankful for forums such as these.

Dec 27th, 2015 6:03pm

I can tell you that I am severe brain injury. I lost my wife because it's a long story.we left my dear camp and that funny feeling I got was a warning from the LORD I just shook my head ,it has been and will be the opportunity it just overwhelming that I wish I had somebody to make my progress it was like I had a wife but before my progress. My life is lonely and having one that you care about ,it makes me real happy and my wishes go to her happiness it's my ability to make sure that my two kids are happy, and they are it makes my healing process go quickly, I am lonely it make the process get harder .I wish I had a woman to make the healing process to go a little easier. I'm OK I don't need anybody, it helps being able to talk about the trouble that it help thank you .

Dec 24th, 2015 8:12pm

I had a severe traumatic tbi from a horse accident, the saddle didnt fit right enough, I take my actions as my own, forgot all about to make sure the saddle fits, wasn't my first blow to the head but it certainly was the last.  at least I hope. 

I hope that strategies are important enough not to be forgotten.  I go through these cycles of learning, then unlearning, or at least not having the information in the blink of an eye, its usually a slow process.  Like there is a storm inside my head and the storm has to settle down before I can accurately navigate the area of my mind that is needed. 

If I can remember what i was looking for before the storm that is.

its like being distracted from your job, takes a good couple of minutes to get back on track, well sometimes is can be longer.

I dont think this process is taken into account during an emotional experience.

Everyone is different, try to allow your focus to the most important, but life is so much more than that, I believe we can successfully regain most of our natural behaviors and though patterns, we have the opportunity to make it better. speaking from a place where I have not yet accomplished this task, as it seems to be overwhelming.  I try lots of notes to remind me, because when i forget, the tax man still collects, this time with compound interest.  I knew I should have taken it slow and easy after surgery, but I didn't, now here I am.  still have a bit of fight left so to speak. Its tiresome at times, obstacle after obstacle, it doesn't take long to get tired, then after fatigue comes depression, and i hope you guys can see that fatigue is the prime reason we have problems.  the more we sleep the better we feel, get a good rest everyone. I hope I didn't offend anyone.

Dec 15th, 2015 11:42pm

It's been 15 years now since my brain tumor was removed.....life has pretty much sucked. My ex left me, my sister and father kicked me to the curb, my Mom has been my only bright spot...and God, People do not accept those whom are somehow different, whether that's memory, emotions, attention, personality, etc...whatever.. Best just to learn to live alone happily as possible. Learn to do fun things independenantly 

Dec 11th, 2015 12:11pm

My husband had a TBI from a car accident in 1989.  Our relationship changed and things got really bad until six years ago when he died in yet another car accident.  We had a lot of trouble trying to get help for him.  The insurance company fought us every step of the way, trying to blame his situation on his previous military experience, which was years ago.  Now I'm stuck here trying to live with the aftermath of all this.  I miss our life, I'm very lonely and no one understands what we went through for 20 years.

Dec 9th, 2015 9:34pm

There are many support groups out there, hun. You are not alone. Please reach out. Remember, you matter. Love being sent your way

Dec 8th, 2015 8:22am

I had a catastrophic TBI a little over 20 years ago , had a handful of friends , they disappeared  , so I've been almost 25years with nobody at all .I suffer with clinical depression & once self harmed so severely that I almost bled to death . That was 20 years ago - now I feel like a facsimile ,not human ,without hope &staying alive so's to help care for my dear Mum who's stricken with Alzheimer's .

Nov 28th, 2015 7:43pm

My TBI occured to me in February of 2011. I was driving south on I 15 and I hit a car that was going the wrong way on the freeway, head on and the speed limit was 75. The wrong way driver died on the scene and I, for better or worse survived. I am not a negative person, before or after the accident, I feel, but the TBI has wreaked havoc on my personal life since nearly day 1 of being released from my 2 month hospital stay. I have anger issues with my now 6 and 10 year old boys and my wife has continually commented on her not understanding me and how she feels like she is now married to a stranger. To the point where we have had to separate and she moved out.

Her moving out is not only a huge financial cost to us both, but an emotional struggle for both of us too. I will not comment on her self disclosed stress but my stress has become abruptly clear.

We seemingly had a great marriage before the accident. Rarely, if ever, fought, had the same outlooks on life, seemingly got along fine and fit like two pieces of a puzzle. That all changed when the wrong way driver struck me and ultimately gave me a TBI amongst numerous other inflicted traumas. The TBI, as I have said from nearly the 2nd month out of the hospital, is the one ailment that no one can see or understand. To me it is the most traumatic injury that has a lasting effect on me and those around  me.

My two sons, who are now 6 and 10 probably feel the 2nd worse effects, only preceded by my still current wife. The boys feel the wrath of me from dealing with sports to nightly homework. I really wish I could change and therefore this is day 1 of my transformation back to who I was before the TBI. Will it be easy? No. Will it be quick? No. Is it the most important undertaking I have ever attempted? Yes. Without a doubt. I liken it to conquering Mt. Everest. It seems like an unsurmountable task, right now, but there is nothing more important to me than keeping my family together and happy. I love them all and want them to be happy. Happy with me. That would mean more than the world to me. This is why I am embarking on this surely tough journey. They deserve it and I do not want to let the guy that hit me define who I will be for the rest of my life.

Nov 15th, 2015 2:40pm

Man this is such a spot-on article. My mood swings are the most difficult part of it all.

Nov 6th, 2015 11:36am

I had a Brain Injury from an ATV accident in 2011.  I was released from the Hospital after a week, and had a few follow-up appointments with a neurologist.  I saw double for 8 weeks, so I had some appointments with a vision specialist.  When I stopped seeing double, all health care was over.  No one mentioned to me that there could be some residual, ongoing problems.  I lost the love of my life, estranged my family, and felt very alone and depressed.  After reading a novel last week that involved a couple of people with TBI, I read the authors' notes on research for the book.  I now understand the anger, depression, and other emotional problems I have been having. I am not me anymore.  I  am trying to educate my loved ones about it now so maybe I can mend the relationships.  It seems to be helping, but will not fix the behavior over the last 4 years.  I have a Dr. appointment today with a Dr that prescribed a mild medication for depression to me about 9 months ago.  I did not think it was relevant at the time to talk to her about my Brain Injury.  I do now. 

Nov 5th, 2015 9:48am

I suffered a t.b.i when i was 19 was clinically dead 5 times had a t.i.a 1 month after leaving hospital no family nor friends could understand the change in my personality i lost all then my father kicked me out of home told me not to return until i was who i used to be,"i wish"after surviving on the streets in Sydney for 4 years as no family was allowed to help and after many years and 3 states i finally found my place and my gorgeous wife who accepts me with my faults so to any of you who may read this don't give up another day holds hope.

Oct 13th, 2015 9:11pm

Without making this a long post, someone very special to me had a tbi a bit over 2 years ago.  Not as "serious" as some others, as he attempts to work.  This past Dec, he had a mini-stroke.  I only met this man 2 months after his tbi.  We were friends, and things started to grow from there.  After the mini-stroke, things got worse.  Meaning as far as his irritability, stm, concentration, depression, etc.  He started to shut off (which I begged him not to), as we are currently in different states.  Point being, this is a man with a LOT of pride, and was determined not to let this get him although his head was like a "shook up snow globe".  I think he is now starting to accept he may not get the old him back, but it is not liking it.  I could have taken some things he has said personally, and the behavior as such, but instead, I started reading up on survivors of tbi/strokes.  Everything was so on point.  To read what the survivors have said about their life, changes, thoughts was enlightening. His family doesn't understand, as no one seems to want to inform themselves.  They believe this is something the survivor chooses and can control.  I know things will not always be good, but it's the knowledge, understanding and love for him that gives me the strength to support and be there for him. 

Oct 10th, 2015 10:04am

I had a TBI 3 maybe 4 years ago, from an assault.  No doctor would ever help me and I struggle still.  I lost all my family as they found me too much to cope with I guess, they never actually said, just slowly disappeared from my life.  I avoid leaving my room, I have no facial recognition now which makes my life so very lonely.  Everyone is a stranger.  Every place I have to venture out into is strange and unknown to me (although I have been there before).  Am wondering if others also struggle with recognition of places, faces and writing?  Doctors are of no help, just shake their heads.  There are so many of us struggling and I hope we all find the peace we so much deserve.  Namaste.

Sep 30th, 2015 2:53am

I have one. I have lost my family and my marriage is in serious trouble..this injury is the worst.

Sep 9th, 2015 6:22am

my husband suffered from two sub achroid brain heamorages and he is home from hospital but no one comes to visit I have to work to keep a house for us to live in but his mood swings are starting to tell on me. I go to my work knowing that hubby is looked after by carers but when I come in after work my life is hell asking why those people come in and i go out then he has a good old rant about things them maybe after an hour he has forgotten all the nasty things he has said to me I have no support and really now think I cannot take anymore but he is my hubby in sickness and in health

Aug 24th, 2015 3:45pm

I was hit in the head by a throw playing softball going on a year in September. Since my concussion, I have been living at my parents house recovering and sleeping alone. I have not given this much thought until recently. You see me and my girlfriend have decided to move in together and I am terrified of sharing a bed with her. My fear is that I could accidently be hit in the head again, on accident. I am doing much better but I certainly do not want to be hit in my head. This is new territory for her. She is a good person given my condition she still wants to move in together and be there for me. I don't want us to fight if by accident she bumps into my head or elbows my by accident. Can anyone relate? Any help would be much appreciated. I pray that we all heal over time. God bless you all!

Aug 17th, 2015 9:53am

I have noticed since my last brain surgery for my hydrocephalus my moods have been affected. I am more short tempered. My employer I feel is treating me different since I had my surgery. I used to love my job but have now got to the point where I dread going into work. Things got so bad I actually banged my head off the wall at work a few times.

Aug 16th, 2015 4:20pm

Hi, my name is chad L. after reading this page and seeing all the people struggling with tbi, and seeing me struggling with the same issues, mainly relationship issues, my girlfriend i dont think understands the whole TBI. i try to send her stuff on it im not sure if she really reads it or what, but i know that maybe she will see if she just reads this whole page! maybe she will see how hard she is making it on me! i was in a coma for 8 days life support, really lucky to be alive of course thanks to God. but i had to re learn everything, walk, talk, eat, ect. now the first couple years after the accident are kind of fuzzy, most due to the injury, but eventually i did turn to alcohol for my answers, survivor guilt i guess is what they call it! well ended up just throwing my life away, went to prison at 18 got out at 23, i went to different times, but thats irrelevant, now i went to rehabs, in different states,  am from arizona! really but i just went right back to prison the second time, now ive been out for almost a year! which to me is so great, but really i can do so much, im very blessed the injury you cant see so much when you look at me or not really even talk to me! i have read and seen some terrible stuff for people with TBI. and im very blessed, but her is my problem, sorry it took so long, my girlfriend, she tells me like alot like 2 times week, maybe more, that she dont love me, im not her best friend! never going to be her husband! its ok i should be able to tell its a lie, beacuse she always commes back, but part of my brain, when i say ohhh she loves you she will come bacl, well there is a part man she tell you everyday how she isnt happy that your crazy, your mind is crazy! but to me, she doesnt even try to read about it or help, just expects, and you know thats good! i should be able to do anything i have God! but i just am looking for some answers, beaucse she i dont think is! she just wants me to change over night! and yes i guess it could be done! but really this injury is crazy, its hard to understand, what it does to some people it doesnt to to the other person! many problems in feeling alone, befre i went to prison even when i was in home with family it was different, i feel like everyone that knew me, looks and treats me different! the hardest part of this whol injury, was coming home and hearing from my whole family how much i had changed, how different i was, it shouldnt matter right? what anyone else thinks, not my family not any old friends, but it played a big factor in my life and my choices, for this reason, i blame going to prison on the injury, i couldnt accept the fact that i was different, i just drank and thought since i been through so much at such a young age, the world owed me something, but really so many people go through so much more. just its God's will for eah person, now idk why but its what is suppose to be, did i get mad that a friend died in my car i had to be the one walking around school, and everyone saying thats the guy, felt horrible, but i let it destroy me! i have now like i said been out of prison, for almost a year, i actually got my first job, and even though i am on probation i was so happy, i still am happy yes of course, but i have had a couple relapses, about 3 actually, the 3rd one was really bad, really bad. but its ok. i got through it now i just have to get through the rest of my life with nothing, which should not actually which will not be a problem, this relationship though is really hard on me she is in another country but i really truly love her, and  i feel the same, just my biggest problem, is maybe she dont read none of the things i send her it doesnt seem like it, but maybe she doesnt understand its a life long injury, and im not going to need her to walk me around holding my hand, but sometimes i am going to need her help! really i need it sometimes! but i guess i its not her God has another angel to look after and help me, or maybe just my mom, but really just wish she would read and try just try to understand, that is all thank you! 

Aug 13th, 2015 5:42pm

I am 25 years old and 2 years ago my partner who i've grown up with had a bike accident. He hasn't been the same since, he has been physically and mentally abusive and has done some really horrible things, the physical aspect is becoming less although when arguing in the kitchen he has recently picked up knifes!! But much more then the physical he is so negative minded, if i suggest anything or show him things he comments negatively no matter how offensive! He is always on the defensive. Its hard for me because other people don't notice the difference or if they do they ignore it! No one understands what goes on behind closed doors and to what extent things actually get to! I know that it's nobodys fault but yet I cant see myself living like this for much longer! I love him so much but I am becoming depressed, we used to be best friends but I am starting to resent him! I just wish things could go back to the way they were!

Aug 5th, 2015 5:00pm

As I read every ones postings it is as if I am reading a little about myself in each one. The same but different. Every TBI is different and has different levels of outcomes but at the same time are very similar. It has been five years since I too was rear ended by a 'distracted' driver at a speed somewhere between 50 and 60 mph. No way to know for sure because he never hit his brakes as I sat at a traffic light. ( for you math enthusiast he was going 88 ft per second per second with a 6000 lb vehicle, Ouch!) The ER doctors never considered a TBI and did not refer me to a neurologists. I actually had physical brain damage and now face a life with Epilepsy.  I know that I should not yell at my wife when I 'lose it' but like everyone else that is easier said than done. My emotions are all over the place due to those brain injuries and the AEDs I have to take to to control the seizures. I did not know I had PTSD until I was told so by a doctor 5 years post injury! I too lost my career which I loved, my high salary income, ( I loved that too) my friends, my sports, I can't drive anymore and that is hard to deal with. I am chained to my house until my wife can be here to drive me to from doctor appointments. Love ones, talk to your injured spouse about how they hurt you emotionally when you act out or say hurtful things you don;t really mean. Don't let it build up to a "I can't take this anymore" moment.  I have watched my wife change over these past 5 years and it is because of me, my actions.   I am just now realizing this!! We are finally seeing a neuropsychological therapist together to 'work' on my/ our many issues due to the TBI. I am still in mourning for the person I /we lost that moment in time I wish I had back. But had I not been there at that spot at the exact time a 25 year old man would have been killed. With that knowledge even if I could travel back in time I could not bring myself to save myself nor live with myself.  We have been married 47 years and I don't want to lose what we have worked so hard to accomplish.  The chronic pain from all of the body injures add to this problem of along with Chronic Insomnia, hearing and eyesight problems, speech and language and cognitive deficits just like everyone else suffers from. When you write all of this down on paper and look at it you say dang that guy is messed up! Yes but I still have my sense of humor. You and I must always keep that as it is one our the best medicines.  But I have to refuse to let all of my problems ruin my/our lives. Easy said but it has helped me through this and I hope it can help at least one of you.  OK now, Visualize a stork next to a pond with a frog in his mouth he is trying to swallow whose head you cannot see. BUT the frog has both of this hands around the storks throat and is choking the stork. The caption reads, "NEVER GIVE UP". Thank all of you for sharing your stories as they help me know that I am not alone in this struggle to be normal again. One Last Thing. What saved my life that day was simple. I always stop a full length of my vehicle behind the stopped vehicle in front of me, ALWAYS! I teach everyone this same lesson. Pass it on!   God Bless. TRN

Jul 31st, 2015 11:22pm

My husband has a brain injury after bacterial meningitis ... Yes it's lonely... Everything has changed... Everything. Sometimes I wonder if there is any relief. He is a lot older than me.... I use to love that...but now I see him aging and I see the long road ahead. I think it's important to take stock of what's happened.... I am a full time carer for him and I love him.... But sometimes like tonight and I just keep crying... Because its hard and lonely. As I say to others 'never mind' it is what it is

Jul 28th, 2015 5:29am

My marriage has suffered as a result of my concussion :(

Jul 26th, 2015 9:24am

It is nearly ten years since I survived my cerebral haemorrhage. The comments/narratives in this forum conveys the sometimes overwhelming challenges of attempting to thrive instead of just surviving/existing with an acquired brain injury.

Since 2006, my life working as an Occupational Therapist ceased. Am still grieving the loss of work role, loss of friends, loss of self, loss of meaningful living. No-one can really understand until they have endured the experience. Not to be recommended.

Jul 17th, 2015 6:27am

Your story amazed me!!! I've had a car wreck an broke neck broke pelvis and broke arm with rod in it .. Eye injury ( very self conscious about .. I wear colored contacts to cover injury ) and right side head injury , coma ... All that too ... Very traumatizing! I'm bipolar now went through 3 divorces ... Used to be a hairdresser for Regis Co. Now I can't even stand to work with the pain an aggravation... Your story Helped! Thanks!

Jul 12th, 2015 1:57pm

After my accident in 2014 I made a miracle recovery, from a broken back to a massive head injury, TBI & suffered a DAI. I spent all but 4 months in hospital & rehabilitation with some amazing people. Lots of people helped make my recovery what it was, and saved many aspects of my life. Fast forward over a year since it happened, back to work since August '14, moved house, but yes definitely agree with the losses, lost my girlfriend who did so much & I love dearly, friends don't bother, family do, but I do find all sorts frustrating as simply I lost 2-5 years memory and my time out, things are different and all new.... But. You need to pick yourself up and get a grip - the fact you are alive is amazing, talk to people, yeah I apologise loads but getting less, talking about what happened loads less, been going to the gym 3 times a week for 3 months now - it helps, trust me.... Make yourself feel better by giving yourself hope, we are bought into this world alone and will leave the same way, I've survived something millions won't, so although devastated that my partner left - I wish her well, yet miss her every minute of every day. If you are down enough to consider suicide, then simply think long and hard about how blessed you are to be here in any capacity - someone will be shocked and upset by losing you, and you should cherish every single thing your eyes are blessed to view. The replies on here don't make anyone feel any better, be it the injured person or the loved ones, just think you should be strong enough to be alone - either way - and tomorrow is another day!! So many strangers spent their time to help me survive - if nothing o owe it to those amazing people that I live as well and long as possible. Talk. Smile. Be happy, stop looking back, start looking forward, I know it's hard, cos I'm living it to, yes things could be better but my god could be so much worse!! I believe more than ever, what will be will certainly be - and the one thing that mainly crucifies me, I believe it was meant to be and hopefully will be - but if not, life's already mapped out so something equally as good may be just around the corner..... Live. Love. Good luck everyone:)

Jun 20th, 2015 3:47pm

There is hope. And there are things you can do which will greatly improve your quality of life.  I had a massive stroke and fell from a very wealthy position in my life to absolute poverty.  I lost it all.  Friends, career, the BMW, the house, much of my belongings and my ability to fly a plane.   But I took several actions which greatly improved my life.  Downsize, downsize, downsize.  The one thing a brain injury can do for you is make you realize how unnecessary many material things may be.  I sold off almost everything and put myself in an apartment.  I lessened every responsibility I could and let the bills fall where they may.  I prioritized the few responsibilities I could handle.  Rent, utilities and cable.   Acquire the best coach and lazy boy you can find.  Buy a superb TV, hang on to your internet connection, get an Obama phone and relax.  I use Facebook to stay in touch and it is just as good as calling on the phone which I quit doing also.  Life is good. Don't worry about it.  Get out occasionally and otherwise, chill.

Jun 12th, 2015 12:16am

I Have Tried To Have RelationshipS, After My Head Injury, To Find Myself Not Understanding,Irritable, And Just Difficult. Who Wants To Be Around That. I Have Found That I Have Even Becoming Controlling, Depressed, Suicidal, And Hate Myself. Its Been 4 Yrs Since My Accident. I Can't Cope With Any Stress. Not Sure If I Will Ever Be Able To Sustain A Normal Relationship.

Jun 5th, 2015 8:34pm

im not sure many people would agree with this but a relationship after a TBI sucked for me at least, i dont have many friends most of my friends are female and disabled and older than me i kind of like that though in some sort of way

May 26th, 2015 11:38pm

im 7 years in and have lost everything my life my family and my wife heading to divorce soon and then a nursing home oh yippy what a life 

May 25th, 2015 10:23pm

My TBI happened, I was almost 9 & was going to a really small town school. Less than 1/2 a year after my accident, I returned to my 3rd grade classroom &..... Long story short, everyone at school had to learn to live with it because A) I wasn't goin' anywhere & B) The school wouldn't get rid of me at the cost of losing state aid. My oldest niece was born 8 months and 10 days before my car accident so, she didn't know pre-injury Aunt Gerty. Now, I have 5 more nieces + a nephew who never knew me before my TBI, I think I was able to connect with the kids better as they were growing up b/c I was re-learning some of the basics at the same time they were learning the same thing the first time through

May 19th, 2015 7:15am

I have a tbi and I am 19 and at UK, do NOT get embarrassed or annoyed or angry with people who have traumatic brain injuries. We can't help it, plus we almost died. My family is embarrassed of me often because I say things that aren't appropriate. My wreck made me change, and I hate who I am now, but can't help it.

May 15th, 2015 12:26am


My husband suffered a TBI in Feb of 2015. This has been a nightmare. I was reading some of the comments and can relate totally. I do everything for this man, who I love and he has no idea how much I am doing. He don't appreciate it, nor does he even understand. My son is suffering so bad. Our lives are totally changed. We went from a loving family, who did everything together, to living a complete nightmare. My son was so close to his dad. All the plans they had of things they were going to do, are all gone. This is so hard for me deal with. I now, am his nurse. Who he treats like crap. He is angry, defiant, and mean at times. He has pain all over his body and he feels terrible about himself. He is inappropriate at times and i fear if someone is in our company what he will say or do. I too have be doing this all on my own. This is the hardest thing i have ever gone through in my life, without a doubt. The emotional part is devastating. If anyone needs to talk, you can email me at buckycarlo@yahoo.com. Getting support is the best thing we can do for ourselves. Good luck to everyone and God Bless. Mary

Apr 26th, 2015 9:36am

Relationships after brain injury? I am more than 25 years into being a survivor of TBI. I had multiple brain injuries but one was the big one that caused years of frustration, sadness, mania maybe due to docs acting in good faith but treating the wrong thing. For this, i am not angry at doctors just very disappointed. I'm more angry that I lost my life in the brain injury and i remember when I woke up, the nurse sounded so happy and ran to get a doctor, but most days I wish that I had never woken up. Well-meaning people point to me in pictures when I look happy and say "see, you were happy here, but to me I do not recognize self in these pics; it as if I were putting on a show just so people will pass over me and not ask so many questions. The biggest thing tha caused me problem was that I could not gauge sarcasm.and still struggle in this area. And if topics are changed suddenly, i feel like a real phony. I feel delayed in keeping with the shift. I feel as if i were playing along only to not look dumb. The hardest part for me has been knowing how many people I let down and how many hearts I have hurt. I am in constant grief. I wake-up almost daily grieving what might have been if I were never injured. Another difficult area is that I have been told that I look well and seem "smarter". I have been told numerous times that I have high IQ. I also look good.  well, not so much anymore and actually in a strange way I want to look bad. you see I have the ability or had had the ability to attract many people. But this later end in sudden break-ups and I have little "feeling memory". I could tell you facts about what happened or what was said, in fact, this part of my memory has seemed to improve, well, not so much now as I am approaching old age and have much of the normal memory issues. I remember much about my mother's funeral, but felt i experienced nothing emotionally and this was not because of some sort of denial or psychological defense. I am on my way to get married in the near future but I feel my future spouse is very frustrated with me. Sometimes, i think she may be embarrassed by me and her family seem very distant from me. People tell me a lot that I just don't add up and i can feel their frustration but I do not process what this means to them. The fatigue was the worse part for the first year. I spent most of it just staring at the ceiling. Doctors treated my "depression" which was not an untruth because I was in major depression. I enjoyed nothing. I never looked again at a "ski" magazine and I had been so into skiing. I remember going once after my injury and I could actually ski well, but I had no passion anymore for the sport. I faked a passion because because I knew that it should have been there. I "acted out" very few times and when I did I felt great remorse..It was probably because I was a peaceful person before, but I did not become a yeller and most people felt that I was very easy to be around until I acted "pensive" or said something very inappropriate. Many time i would just repeat something that I just heard or read and people thought they were my feelings. I think here is where we arrive at the the biggest problem. Poor mutual understanding which leads to arguments or fights that should never have taken place. .But most people said it was that I became isolated and they missed me or felt rejected. The anti-depressants helped me to work again and I ended up working in my profession, but I was oblivious to the office games and as a result usually passed over or dismissed in some way even though I had good evaluations. The problem with TBI and PTSD is that they are not well understood by the general public- not even doctors understand and another big problem is that I think people understood/understand and then find out that they didn't or do not. My religious friends who I respect, think that it is a result of a sinful life style.  My brother who has strong faith sees it all as being spiritual. This makes me want to avoid him and this makes him think that I am rejecting his faith. I decided to be born again for two reason- one I knew that I did live a sinful life style and was remorseful and needed to repent regardless of reasons for my misbehaviors and I feel that there is a god  and two because I wanted to fit in more and be accepted by society. But getting accepted by society has not happened and it may never happen. This saddens me on many frints. One is that I have many gifts that are going wasted. And two I find life meaningless without being able to serve others. It is safe to say that I wish that I never woke  in Dec. of 1991. I like the person who wrote that pity is feeling sorry for one's predicament and empathy is taking action. I have learned this on a deep level; thus,  i am very good at "acting" upon other's problems, but when their problem is over and they do not need me, they usually find me as being socially a problem to have around. Who has understood? Usually a combat vet or someone from a developing country or a child or a very old person. An example would be my daughter's older sister who was about 8 years and and she cried in hysteric fashion after seeing the movie "I Am Sam" about a mentally challenged adult. I asked without a clue, why she was crying so much and she said because I was like Sam and that made her sad. And ironically, the "uneducated" accept me more.So getting old and less physically appealing and having memory problems and mood changes is much easier as I can more and more blame it on age. I wish that I never saw a doctor.

Apr 21st, 2015 7:09pm

I met a man online who had a massive hemmhorragic..hemhh...augh!!! (am I spelling that right?) stroke.  He had a stroke.  OK.  So!  He's in a chair and has speech problems, left side weakness, right side atrophy, whole nine-yards.  I didn't know the extent until I met him face-to-face.  Day 1:  I bawled like a baby.  I didn't know what to expect.  Well, yesterday was our 1-month anniversary.  There's a lot of stuff in between there; major stigma and judgment.  Hell, the facility he lives in won't even let us hang out without supervision.  They all think I'm trying to take advantage of a man in a wheelchair with a TBI that can't think for himself.  Jokes on them, because he's way more intelligent than most of them put together.  His insight?  Unsurpassed.  And when he told me the other day, "They need to understand I'm injured, not f.ing stupid" I knew he was the man for me.   

Mar 3rd, 2015 11:51pm

I am an occupational therapist and have worked on a Brain Injury Team for inpatient Rehabilitation and for outpatient therapy.  I also am involved personally with a young friend, now 19 years old, who had a brain injury when she was around 12 years old. She is dealing with a lot of relationship problems and some difficult barriers transitioning to independent adulthood.  I was just reading through the comments from this article and noticed many struggles expressed, but not a lot of answers.  I do recommend cognitive evaluations by a neuropsychologist to help you understand changes in the way you process information.  I also recommend seeking out a brain injury support group to find resources for counseling by appropriately skilled therapists regarding relationships and changed roles and responsibilities.  A support group also is a good resource to realize you are not alone, and you are not crazy.  This is helpful for the person with the brain injury and the caregivers/loved ones.  Personality, communication skills, information processing, ability to accurately evaluate yourself all are apt to have changes after a brain injury.  Understanding yourself and your loved ones is so helpful.  Be patient with yourselves and your loved ones- both as one with TBI and family/friends/caregivers.  Seek out support.  This is a hard road to travel alone, but with support and skilled resources, can turn into a beautiful journey together.  

Feb 17th, 2015 4:56pm

my wife suffered cardiac arrest seven days after our second child was born, i saved her life. although she survived she suffered brain injuries after having back to back seizures for three consecutive days (one after the other every minute) must have had close to 3000 seizures in a row until they finally subsided.  her memory is shot, college education is gone, never talks about her past life friends, family, etc., and to top it off she has no motivation for anything. its been THREE years now.  i am still here but barely hanging on. my kids are suffering thru this to as my wife is not able to be a Mom to our kids. she cant take care of herself either.  thru all of my sacrifices, she still is combative harsh and abrasive with me. it hurts. after all of this time, she doesnt know what i have done for her. i am sad and wanting to go. this isnt how our lives were supposed to be. i want my kids away from the crazy talk and abrasive combative behavior, but i dont want to take them from their mom.  i dont think its fair that i might have to take us out of here to protect the kids well being and self esteem etc...i know i have to do whats best for us, i am just hanging on thinking that she will come around, but when???? will she come around? i dont know? is this chance worth it? i dont think anything will change, just maybe over time she will chill out hopefully. i just want my kids to be happy first and foremost.  life is cruel. oh yeah, i get no help from anyone too. no one calls us ever!!!!!!!!!!!!

Feb 2nd, 2015 11:22pm

My husband incurred multiple traumatic brain injuries while serving our country in Iraq. The long term effects are very noticeable. He is a sweet loving and sensitive person. However his memory is shot. He cannot tolerate crowds people Loud noises and the cognitive confusion along with migraine headaches can be unbearable on certain days. His massive injuries were a result of 5 different explosions. The final one was caused by an ied that blew up his armored vehicle. That was 8 years ago and he is permanently disabled due to the long term effects. He cannot work and completing menial tasks at home is often difficult. He helps with the kids and he can drive. But the suffering he endures daily is really sad. We are in our thirties and I won't leave him. For better or worse. But I must admit. Some days are worse than others.

Jan 24th, 2015 1:15am

My husband had an accident in 2012, he suffered major body trauma and head injury. A concussion, they said. They said it would heal in time, it was not serious they said,  but they did not say that we should watch for these changes: Inability to concentrate. Memory issues. Anger issuse. Headaches over two years later. Inability to be around crowds, noise, etc. Anxiety issues. Risky behavior such as drinking which he rarely did before. He says things now that contradict themselves. Has trouble remembering conversations and what was said. They did not tell us this might happen that it might cost us our marriage. He asked me for a divorce last week. Why? Because I know the man he used to be, and he is not that man anymore. He feels he needs to reinvent himself as the man he is now. He has not accepted himself as he is, even though his family has. He admits that this is him, not me or our family, he still loves me/us...All of this tracks back to that horrible day.... WTH? 

Jan 18th, 2015 8:56am

I was in a car accident March 2012 which took my husband's life & I was in a coma about 3 weeks head injury, broken bones crushed feet permanent nerve damage but was told no brain damage but I'm beginning to wonder if I really do have brain damage, I can't remember some things I don't have friends my kids rarely talk to me & I dated a man for about a year which took a bad turn & I don't know why but now I don'tgo aanywhere or trust anyone because I fell for this guy who claimed he loved me even talked marriage then dumped me, is it possible I do have brain damage? Or was he just looking for the money or am I just desperate because of feeling lonely? I've been so hurt mentally & physically that I want to die, I don't feel like I belong in this world. I really believe I do have brain damage. How do I know for sure? Looking for help, please?

Nov 22nd, 2014 8:53pm

I am a man who has fallen in love with such a wonderful woman with a TBI. I am trying so hard to understand and adjust to her condition. I make her soup when she is sick, I massage her feet with oils. I write her love letters and bring her flowers to bring some joy into her life. I have some familiarity with this because I was married to a woman previously who had moderate ADHD. We were together for almost 40 years. I am trying so hard to be loving and patient with this woman but perhaps I am too sensitive. One day she calls, then I don't hear from her for days. When we are together, she is always rushed and need to do many erranda. I certainly feel the love she has for me but she is reticent to express it, admit it to herself, and to me. Love is a two way street and I also need the emotional feedback of a loving relationship. I patiently wait but how long can I wait? I have offered to meet with her therapist to better learn more about how I may adjust to her condition, and how to bring us closer together. I have to admit, many days I am quite sad about this but loving her will keep me hanging on. I will not run away from this. I wish I could talk to someone as I feel quite alone as she mustwith her TBI.

Nov 15th, 2014 11:15am

I was having seizures after weekly benzo benges and seizures when I was out of the drug. 2 years, 20 siezures, and who knows how many concussions later I have finally got off the benzo and the siezures have subsided. Head aches never go away and I hardly can leave my bed. Also I am a very angry person n9w, which I never used to be. I need a reason to keep going. If I didn't have my faith I would have pulled a Robin Williams by now.

Oct 19th, 2014 6:22pm

I had no idea that forums like this existed. I was previously in a severe car accident when a drunk driver smashed into my car going over 100mph in a 40. My car veered to the right and smashed into a tree and flipped. Ever since then, (which was 5 months ago) my life completely changed for the worse. I have had severe lumbar back pain and my PTSD has shot through the roof. My life has changed for the worse. I was starting a business and I completely forgot most of the information I needed for graphic design and I constantly get nervous over everything. I'm always irritable for no reason and I can't control it. I met with a neuropsychologist who said I have mild brain injury and I just broke down and cried. I feel absolutely alone and no one has any idea of what I'm going through. People think I constantly forget things and I'm annoying. I do my best to improve but I'm constantly insulted day in and day out and I have no one to turn to. Luckily my parents have been there for me from day one but I have absolutely no social life and I'm horrified of when someone drives up behind me and I freak out. It's awful. I'm sorry that you are all going through the same thing but I'm relived I'm not going through this alone. I fear that within a year i'll be completely alone physically and mentally. No one wants to be around me anymore. I feel absolutely helpless. 

Sep 10th, 2014 12:22am

been almost 5 years now... I have severe TBI... everyone deserts you - your left all on your own to try and figure out how to live...  hard - what's point... nobody to share anything with... just jump from from place to another - cry every day - can't sleep - can't eat - no medicine works....  just overwelming - no reason to try

Sep 6th, 2014 9:42pm

I am thankful for all of your stories on here. I sustained a traumatic head injury in an automobile crash 19 years ago. At the time, I was deemed "lucky to be alive", although I have questioned that at times over the past 19 years. I saw a neurologist for a few years after my injury but haven't seen a neurologist in about 10 years now. Since my accident, I have been married twice and divorced twice. While I love people, I struggle with relationships when they get to a certain point. I have spent years beating myself up and have endured a great deal of depression and emotional set backs. I am a fighter and hate to admit defeat, but have over the past few years begun to realize that my "issues" are a little deeper than most. Afraid of being told I'm bipolar or some other diagnosis, lack of insurance, buried in debt and with two ex wives that would prefer me dead, I have not bothered to seek help. I have never had any thoughts of hurting myself or anything on that level, but I desperately wish there was someone who could just understand how it felt and not ask me "what the hell is wrong with you?". I met a woman this morning in her 70's that shared the story of her husbands brain injury that happened around the same time as mine but a lot worse. I opened up some to her and she encouraged me to seek out some support. It has made my day just to know I am not as alone as I have felt, and I am going to seek out a local support group. Thanks again to everybody on here for sharing your stories. Your life is very valuable.

Sep 6th, 2014 7:00pm

I'm married to a man with brain injury ADD ADHD. It's been a nightmare. I Has no idea how compromised he was. We've worked thru alot but when things seem to get better then he says something that makes no sense has an anger problem and is so confused in explaining himself and speaks in a confused impulsive manner. It has caused me much distress, depression. And have to take meds just to live with him. It's traumatizing to me. I've learned to pull away from him, but it's lonely and I know as long as I'm with him my life will always feel fractured and missing the ingredients for a fulfilled normal marriage. He's broken, therefore were broken. We pray and that's the only thing toe that keeps me objective. I would have never decided to marry him if I knew how awful it would be to exist with a person that can't function and carry on a normal conversation most the time what a normal conversation turns into no sense saying something that makes no sense or his inability to process what I'm saying,

Aug 27th, 2014 4:54pm

I was in a very bad wreck when I was 18 years old. I was speeding to my friends house going around 90mph I hit a ditch due to it raining and it was windy. Since then every single day is a struggle. I suffered a Tbi along with broken bones. The tbi is the worst though. I am so strong willed and I refuse to take any medications. I push myself to the limits everyday, by eating right, exercising, and putting myself into a stressful situation so that hopefully my brain will recognize it and one day I wont have anxiety about the situation. I am 22 years all of my relationships I had are gone now, or they have changed dramatically. But I have seen major progress in every aspect. Though life gets me down almost everyday I still fight because love the person I use to be and I won't give up on myself. Anxiety is the worst part, if every situation doesn't go perfect my mind just shuts down, but I have been dealing with it through staying quite and being polite, and realIzing it's just a part of my brain injury and I will overcome it. Though life is hard and I hate it sometime I try to make the best of it. I take care of disabled people for a living now. I don't get paid much but I feel a little better knowing I'm not on welfare (no offense). If anyone has any tips on how to cope with a server tbi or if anyone wants to chat that would be great

Aug 26th, 2014 9:55pm

I worked very sucessfully (not money-wise) in a career that I loved and then I had a accidental ABI (toxic exposures to solvents).  It is funny how since I can not explain how I feel or act to people to try to help them understand me, they all fall back on "you look good".  It is very frustrating. And all those people have left me.  I have two friends that have stayed with me and they do understand and accept me in my new normal but I do not see them so often.  I am home alone most of the time since my husband works.  I guess I talk too much when I talk to people and ramble.  I garden hard all summer and spring and fall when the weather is nice and I listen on my head phones to books that I will not remember but it is nice to listen to someone read to you and it makes the time go fast.  It is lonely.  Very lonely.  Friend leave, family relationships change so much, since I have zero libedo the physical part of being married is about giving my husband joy and cuddling and that is good.  I am trying to make my new normal okay with me.  But without other people it is very hard and lonely.

Aug 19th, 2014 12:26pm

My TBI happened over 40 years ago. Little was known about TBI back then. Only during the past few years have I been able to understand & explain why I feel the way I feel, and why my life has gone the way it has. Relationships have been difficult at best, and they seem to get more difficult as I age. That said, I'm still learning about TBI, and I am unwilling to give up.

Aug 3rd, 2014 12:23am

My brain injury happened at age 27.  It was epilepsy.  It went on for 17 years and loss of two wives because they couldn't take it.  I did have surgery for it.  I still have issues and no one to take care of me.  I moved from the big city to my little town because I thought I would have more friends because that is where I grew up and lived until college.  I have been here three years and no friends and depression and killing me now.  A town of 3500 and nothing for me.  What a mistake this was.  Nothing to do in a town of 3500.  Wish me luck to get out of here.

Aug 1st, 2014 4:01pm

Thank you for writing this. It was like looking into a mirror. Seeing everything in print, knowing that others go through it, is comforting.

Jul 5th, 2014 10:36pm

I had an auto accident while going to work. I fell asleep at the wheel and hit a tree head on at about 60mph. I was lucky to survive the accident but left me with a TBI and chronic pain from all the broken bones I received. I was in an induced coma for a month and told that I had died twice. When I got home finally I spent the next 5 months relearning how to do things but watching my family suffer from loads of bills I returned to work after 6 months after the accident. I had several mini strokes and still have tempral lobe seizures so now disabled. My wife at the time decided we should move in with her mother to help with the bills which was the biggest mistake I have ever made in my life. She told me just about every day when we got there She wanted her Old husband back and that I wasnt the guy she married. After 5 years of hearing this and marital counseling that she didnt pay attention to, I asked for a divorce. She asked me If I still loved her, but to be honest I dont feel love anymore. Yes I needed her, mainly as someone that cared for me and was there when I had siezures so that I wasnt alone. Now here it is 5 years after, I get to see my kids once a year or not at all cause they have jobs, and I have to pay for them to come to me which isnt cheap. I have two dogs, they are the reason I still am here. Is that part of frontal brain injuries? lost of the emotion Love? I would like to be in a relationship but worry about this lost emotion. There are days and weeks I am depressed and dont want anyone around me. I shop one day at a time and usually real late at night or early morning cause I have a hard time around crowds. Would therapy help me find the emotion again or is it lost forever.

Jul 5th, 2014 6:44pm

Friends of ABI.I hope you received my last note.  I had a Brain Tumor , it was removed.  I also have epilepsy. I had to learn to walk,talk, balance is gone, vision is less but I still have a good outlook on life.  During this I went through a divorce.  I am a survivor.  Exercise dear friends and recharge your brain.  It takes time and a lot of mental thoughts. Take care and don't  ever ever give up on yourselves.

Jul 3rd, 2014 7:59pm

I sustained  head injuries as a child from child abuse and a car accident and then as a teen I tried to kill myself and ended up causing more damage. I have 1 friend who I love like a sister that I met in my early 20's but if it wasn't for her i would completely alone. I try to go on online forums and find I run into the same problems as I do in person, people don't understand and they don't care. I always wanted to be a mom but that was taken from me by my own parents who caused me this stupid injury and I am depressed and angry and scared and alone.

Jun 15th, 2014 8:19pm

Thank you for validating all of these struggles that I've been experiencing.  During the past 9 months since the accident, I've felt more lonely than I think I've ever felt before...and that's coming from someone who has battled significant clinical depression for 13 years.  It's nice to be reminded that I'm not alone in this.  It would be really helpful to have some tips for managing these limitations, explaining these struggles to non-TBI friends/relatives, or learning how to overcome our new insecurities.  

Jun 9th, 2014 12:57pm

Im going through this for last 2 years...

May 5th, 2014 11:06pm

I suffered a chemical brain injury due to improper administration of antibiotics, and then a mTBI 5 months later. It took a lot of my personality, intelligence, and health away. I can never have a career, and probably can't live independently. I still have friends, but people I loved dearly left me because I was no longer the same person. I know they are right. But they get to walk away with their grief and continue on with their lives intact. I get to live with the knowledge they are correct and I am lost to myself, and I have disappointed everyone I love. Caregivers and friends can walk away, and experience the loss like one would experience an interpersonal loss. Then they can live their lives. Survivors get to experience that same loss, as well as the knowledge of losing themselves. We can't escape.

Apr 4th, 2014 9:58pm

It was interesting to read of those wondering about having relationships or relationships that hadn't gone on long enough for marriage, and the healthy one leaving. I've already posted before (the 1st one I think) so I understand plenty about TBI and relationships.  More than I want to know!  I'm being honest in my OWN opinion. Every TBI is different.  TBI is hard on the patient, and very hard on the caregiver who is watching their loved on go down hill.  They don't understand what is happening.  Seeing the pain, or confusion, or not able to do what they used to do... Realizing that person had changed and this will NOT get some better (if it's in the early stages) or this is how it will be. NO MATTER WHATEVER THE ISSUE IS IN LIFE, relationships have backpacks., The interview is over and all the junk is poured out.  For some, they know they can not do it forever.  They hurt badly when they have to tell you, but they know themselves enough to know they can't do it.  So in a way, they have done a favor by NOT marrying, then going through all the divorce issues. 

Saying Goodbye is very hard, but sometimes it may save us more grief in the long run. 

Those who have been in a long term relationship/marriage is very painful. Hopefully, a type of "friendship" can be maintained (if that is wanted), and every thought has been put into "keeping your self esteem intact".  It's not about YOU, it is about what happened.  It's a shame, but you are still the wonderful you.

Therapy maybe needed, if you feel you aren't coping well.  But read up on Grief.  You will be surprised to find that grief is physical and mental and has very definite symptoms.  And I hope you have someone who will stand by.

For those alone.... I beg you to join groups, to ask someone to lunch, a neighbor, an acquaintance, someone who you feel okay with being together for an hour.  THIS IS NOT A DATE.  And preferably someone who is of the same sex.  If they ask questions, give the short version in a positive way.  When friendships develop, telling more can be the final test!:)  Those that fall in love, or choose to become close friends, are choosing you because of YOU, not because of anything else.

And there's the ones that are down right cruel.  Hopefully, you can get away as far as you can.

Not all have this problem.  I lost most of my friends, and it split the family because some put a time limit on my "illness" and "TBI" and I had gone past the limit of sickness.  The don't understand the issues we have or how it makes us feel. 

It's okay to have a good friend that doesn't understand, but believes you.  That is a real friend.  Websites that validate your feelings and issues are very helpful.  Thank goodness for Google!  Here are great site for everyone and I hope you find them useful. www.brainline.org (my fave)   FB: Chronic Pain Education for Patients, Friends and Family, www.invisibledisabilities.org (Fabulous), and many groups on FB.

When one is swimming up hill, it IS hard.  It can be done.  I would be easier with support, but we can drum up our own if we have too!  Life is about having a friend, not a spouse, to have happiness.  When our concentration is elsewhere, something beautiful occurs that is a miracle!  YOU become the miracle, because you have stepped out on shaky ground and begun to build your confidence.  Detour around Toxic people, just as we would Toxic waste!

 I bet you have more empathy, etc... than some who have not had some hard experiences!  Use the "gift" and you'll make a difference in many lives.

This subject can not be discussed in a short portion here.  There are many things to consider, but hitting on the highlights. My computer is acting up, so I apologize if words are not where they belong!

involve pain, etc...  Check out the tabs.  And the most popular is

Rumors are ridiculous, but think of them like this:  Rumors are events that we did or something that happened to us that we weren't aware of!  We may learn we lead a very exciting life! :)

Jan 29th, 2014 5:37pm

Dear Feb 23, 12:05pm:

I was shocked to read your note, as that is ALMOST my story 13 years ago this March.  It's pretty much hell on earth, but it doesn't have to be if there was enough love and empathy to care enough to READ information on what I was going through~!  Education and knowledge helps keep families together in cases like this.  As I'm sure you are aware, rumors begin, friends turn their back - the ones that are shocking because you REALLY thought they were your friends, and you end up with a couple who are by your side because they truly understand the need for support.  At first, my husband read.  My kids?  I was just in the way, stayed in trouble for being so dumb, and for friends and relatives - I had passed the time of being sick, so now "get with it"!  The things that are said are astounding.  And the question that comes up is why is there ISOLATION?  Possibly for protection of your feelings!  Many would find it shocking if they asked me if I was glad to be here. "NO"!  I have the perfect "life" on the outside, but behind the doors, I don't feel worthy to ask anything of my children, friends family, or most neighbors.  WHY?  Why is that a question----- is what I'd ask~!  If someone keeps saying "NO" and has excuses kin to "I've got to wash my hair", that tells me something.  Some have issues that I don't understand, but it's not mine to judge.  Those that give those excuses, yet on FaceBook, there are pictures filled that day or weekend, or week of pleasures all day.  While I think that is wonderful, and am glad they are enjoying their fruits of their labor, do they not have one hour for a friend?  I'd call it "love".  The "love chapter" in the bible says it all, yet it does give us time for pleasure.  And, what does that teach their children?  And we wonder why we have so many selfish children/young people out there?  I don't expect ANYTHING I wasn't willing to do when I was able.  Teaching my children to go to visit those in nursing homes, ill, doing for them, etc... was what was taught me.  So to me, I'm shocked when it is mentioned that I can't cook (lost that ability) and my husband is exhausted when he comes home and puts on his "wife hat", and nothing is done 99% of the time.  There is pity (sorry without action), and rarely compassion (sorry WITH action).  I think of Job a lot and realize that in this type situations, many things are brought to light.  Who are our REAL friends?  What are others responses, and what are my responses (thankful, grateful for all they do?), and make it pleasant so they will return.  Many believe we should not think about it, not talk about it, not join groups, not write, yet they ask us to COPE!  That is why it's hard to keep calm, when advice is given that has no revelance to it, yet we smile and try to keep going and keep friends.  The hardest part emotionally of TBI and Chronic Pain is how we are treated that is undermining, and usually we have our other senses strong, and can "feel" when another is critical or disgusted.  And why would we want to socialize?  Yes, it's hard because of the TBI, and sometimes I would push harder if I knew there would not be other factors to "fight" to keep a positive outlook.   So,  please, Feb. 23rd, 12:05pm, keep going, someday someone will come into your life that will help you physically.  We all know that complaining does nothing, but at some point we come across that one person we can really talk too and NOT pay for their services! :)  We can do this, with God as our strength.

Painfully yours.

Jan 4th, 2014 3:15pm

I was 17 when I received my injury and now 23. Alot of this is very true. I had many friends come visit me in the hospital but when I got out it seemed like they all disappeared. My family as well except for my mother and father but brothers, sisters and cousins all try and avoid me. Because of not having friends I became a real loner. I did join a support group in Phoenix Arizona. I would definitely recommend this location for either patients looking for help or to socialize with other victims and do events. As for me, I found that working out everyday has calmed my anger down immensely and works my self confidence back up. I just now got a relationship in many years and so far is going good. Wish me luck and I hope for all other TBI patients that luck is on your side. I understand what you are going through but stand tall, keep your chin up and continue to move on, things will get better in life. P.S. I did drugs and drank alot coming out of the hospital and that was a HORRIBLE idea. Try your best not to fall in that rut!

Nov 15th, 2013 3:02pm

My husband suffered a brain bleed back in February of this year, 2013, due to a blow to his head. It was then determined he had a very rare condition called a cavernous hemangioma. This mass of vessels sat mid brain stem on his relay of the brain at the Thalamus. Since the location of the mass was so complex his condition was noted to be non-operable, by all surgeons we had seen. We were living with a time bomb. I left my job the day of his injury and flew out to be with him, since it happened out of town. I have never left his side since. I am his 24/7 caregiver and I do everything and have seen everything. We struggled for months trying to locate a surgeon. One doctor told us he would help us find help with someone either in our area or within our Country. May of 2013 we were blessed to have found our amazing surgeon out of UVA in Charlottesville, VA. The most profound surgeon, team and medical district I have ever seen. After meeting with our Dr.L, we were contemplating surgery. Gamma Knife was not an option. May 30th 2013 my husband underwent one of the most complex surgeries. Dr. L told us the morning of that this hemangioma actually grew about 40% from the previous MRI we had. I believe the surgery was about 10-12 hours total. We spent all summer between the hospital and rehab there and then readmitted in August for Hydrocephalus in the brain where we needed to go in for a shunt placement. My husband had a difficult time with getting off the ventilator and then needed a trach. Also feed tubes, G-tube and J-arm due to complications. A portion of the skull is gone due to swelling of the brain and has not been replaced. We have undergone in-house PT, Speech and OT and now are being evaluated for out-patient therapies. He is now able to walk with his "roller" and he tries to help in the kitchen and I take him to the ocean front to breath. His physical outward wounds are healing nicely but now we are in the phase of the "inward" wounds. The ones that no one can see. I had no idea as to what TBI was or what to expect. I can tell you that even myself I had a breakdown and ended up in the hospital from all the stress I witnessed him going through.. I had to have a surgical procedure done on my esophagus due to the stress my body underwent. My husband is still very much confused and sees people that are not here nor have been, some have passed away. Much of the day he sleeps, he also developed sleep apnea from this surgery/trauma/ so recovery is just frustrating. He may seem to be in the hear and know but then just an hour or hours later he forgets what the day was like and I have to repeat it again. Night time he goes into anxiety mode and I will have to keep looking at his 9-10 inch scar on his head with a flashlight for an hour or two straight to reassure him that it is okay. The recovery phase we are in is tough. I am seeing more outbursts and temper and anger and much depression. I am his punching bag in the sense where he takes everything out on me. He tells me I do nothing for him when in fact I have been the ONLY one to do it all. We live states away from family and friends so yes, when I say it is just he and I..I mean it is just he and I. I have taken pictures and blogged and videos since February. Sometimes I sit with him and show him how far he has come. He does not seem to SEE what I see. I feel he is actually STUCK at the time of surgery and can not get past all the yucky stuff he went through in the hospital. Not that he remembers it..just from what he has seen and heard. He also is comparing himself to who he was prior and can not recognize improvement because he can't do many of the things he use to..but in my eyes he is doing so well. He is not in a wheelchair and he even walks with me without the walker at times but in his eyes he wants to jump on his motorcycle and also surf. You see, he also has Diplopia. His vision is bad. He sees doubles and fours and split vision and so he can't drive at this time. He is not able to make sound quick judgments so that is also a minus. He is angry and frustrated. We argue so much. The bills keep coming in and I spend most days arguing with insurance folks and anyone else that gets in my way. I do not take care of myself as I use to. I am only 45 years young. My husband is only 51. There is no romance, intimacy or even normal conversations it seems. I could be talking to him and he chimes in with a complaint of something. The food I cook he does not like, the way I was dishes, the volume of the TV, the way I fold clothes, the ketchup on the wrong side of the refrigerator, the noises, the people outside bother him and he will now yell at them. Most words to me are in a demeaning tone ..its almost as if he is bi-polar. The only way I can describe it. Then sometimes he tries to be sweet. I am to rub his hair and rub his arms, I serve him all his meals and cook and I make sure he always has something to snack on. I take him out for walks and try to get his mind preoccupied. I try to be silly but it is viewed as "being stupid".. It is hard to make him laugh and when he does I hold on to that moment. My husband told me that people are not able to see the "inside" of him only the outside. Its not like he is wearing a huge cast for people to say "oh geeze what happened". When you look at him you would tend to think he is fine..but he is not. His deficits include, short term memory, anger, fall risk (tends to wobble to the right), Diplopia (eyes) and Sleep apnea. He is depressed and moody and our relationship is just hanging on. I am a caretaker by heart and never thought I would be "HERE" in life. I love my husband with all my heart just not liking him these days. I am trying to seek help from many specialty doctors for he and I. We have to live with this so I am desperate for the tools and support. Financially we are ruined. This has taken a toll on us in so many levels. I am proud of the strength and courage my husband has and hope for one day for he to be able to see even a glimpse of how amazing he is! Our surgeon was so right when he told me in NICU to take care of myself because this is a very long journey.. but I truly did not realize what that meant. I am in the process of writing a book and my hope is to spread awareness and help others with this condition or any other that deems non-operable. There are options, there is hope and we found it. I will continue to support my husband and help him because he deserves just that. I pray we can find the support and help we deserve one day too. God Bless you all who are going through these journeys.

Nov 15th, 2013 9:08am

Because I am not the one who sustained the tbi I feel that any comment I make on the above contributions may be trite...please belive the intention behind the action is loving. I read several comments which brought me to tears, but which underlined to me the shallowness of the friendships, and I am tempted to say, \"If that is how your friends treated you after your tbi then they were not genuine friends in the first place\". Then I read a comment made about a family member, and that put me in my place...I dont know what to say. However, I may add, someone close to you having a tbi brings one face to face with our own tenuous grip on mortality. What I am trying to say is, seeing someone else suffer in this way scares the **** out of some of us. This in no way excuses hurtful behaviour, but sometimes knowing what is going on helps us understand things more. Knowledge is very powerful, but you can not \"force\" others to \"learn\". I needed time to \"take in\" things about my husband\'s tbi. One of the most challenging characteristics he has acquired is talking in a monotone, with no inflections, so I am often puzzled as to his emotional state...not realizing when he is angry, or when he is depressed, or when he is happy! So I will state, once again, that the person with brain challenges may need (even if it isnt exactly fair, and yet another thing on which to work) to give their relations time to recreate their relationships. :-)

Nov 15th, 2013 3:09am

As a survivor I feel like I struggle with a lot of these but what I was disappointed with this article because it didn't list ways of us survivors to help cope or improve on these issues.

Nov 14th, 2013 11:21pm

I had a severe bleed due to a banging my head after a tumble. Being on heart meds caused severe bleed and thinking I had harder hits to the head I din't take it as serious. I should have. The relationship with my wife before was ok, not ok, ok, not ok on and on like that. After the TBI it was the same but not being allowed to drive her driving drives me crazier at times

Nov 14th, 2013 8:14pm

My true friends stuck by me. Most of my relationships from that period faded away. It's been three years.

Nov 14th, 2013 6:53pm

My friends of 14 years more or less disowned me after I was physically assaulted which resulted in a brain injury, said they 'liked me the way I was before'. Yeah, so did I. We didn't meet up as much, it was mostly down to me to contact them and they were often busy, though somehow I knew that wasn't always the case. Our friendship was never really the same after that. However, a few months ago it started to improve a bit. We'd meet up, they'd invite me round for a meal, just like old times, except it wasn't. They'd question me as to how I was feeling but just said, 'well you look alright to us'. Still, I went round to see them two or three more times and then I was working away for two weeks. They said to contact them when I got back. Two days after, I gave them a call. They invited me over for a meal. Again, they questioned how I was feeling and added that I had to come back because of my appointment with the 'doolally doctor'. I was shocked by their attitude, 'I see a Neuro Psychologist not a Psychiatrist who's really helping with ways to remember and to cope with my brain injury'. They said 'it's all the same to me...doolally doctors'. 'No it's not, Psychiatrists administer medication, Psychologists don't'. They asked me something else and when I was having difficulty remembering something they said 'Get over it, it's just your age, we're all getting older' . I said no it wasn't that, but my Neuro Psychologist is helping me with ways to remember. 'so what IS wrong with you?' 'nothing much' - meaning the way I looked, I guess. 'EXACTLY, there's nothing wrong with you... (in a vehement manner) it ****** me off to think that somebody else could have those services when they need them more than you do... you know that very well, don't you?... you're having somebody else's appointment...there's nothing wrong with you, you're just getting older.' I was shocked, open mouthed. No amount of me trying to explain was going to change things so I went home not long afterwards. I was SO upset, SO hurt. The next morning was my appointment and my N. Psychologist said - 'there are some people who will NEVER understand...you look alright on the outside but a person with a brain injury has put in so much effort that some people never really understands how that person feels on the inside...it's not like you CHOSE to be assaulted...' 'If you were pretending, which you're not, you or anybody that pretends would have given up a long time ago.. you cannot pretend to have these emotions, they are the result of a brain injury...something that can't be put away like a coat on a hanger, we need to find ways for you to live with it.' I said, 'I don't really think I want friends like that'. My N.Psychlologist said 'you have lots of other friends who support you'. That was a week ago and I'm still getiing upset by it.

Nov 6th, 2013 3:56pm

Thank you for this. I suffer many of these feelings and symptoms. I can not wait for my state, IL, to complete the process of legalizing. Nothing, and I mean nothing, keeps me from getting overloaded and/or mean better than the Herb. What's more, it's safer than ANY pharmaceutical behavior control.

Oct 25th, 2013 11:39am

I just wanted to let all of you guys know how inspiring you all are. It amazes me to see such strong people. Please all of you stay strong, it will work out. You can't have a rainbow without rain.

Oct 12th, 2013 6:58pm

I suffered a TBI as a result of a car accident in February of 2013. I was in a traffic jam at a stand still, the person that hit me ignored the traffic and hit me going 98mph! Having a TBI is so strange. I'm not who I was. My partner of 5 years is struggling with my TBI and my anger,sadness lack of libido. I found out last week he's cheating on me. I'm devastated.

Aug 21st, 2013 10:41pm

Relationships become Rocky when your Spouse refuses to read about TBI and Brain Injuries.Mine seeks any excuse to belittle and embarass me,yet I am the Breadwinner and ask for nothing in return.I can deal with my TBI and work at it constantly,I just don't understand the Lies from the ones NOT with TBI,I have an excuse for my behavior and don't Judge others.There's not much more I can do now 6 years later.

Jul 16th, 2013 9:30am

I lost the love of my life due to a head injury.....He became confrontational and violent....been over 20 years and I still live with the memory of the changes. I left the situation but it still is fresh in my mind. The person I knew and loved died but the new person was an unlovable person....didn't like himself. I was living with Dr. Jeykll and Mr. Hyde.....never knew when he was going to snap and start yelling and hitting.

Jul 2nd, 2013 11:51am

I recently found out that an old friend from high school has been suffering with TBI, it has broken my heart. This man was our star jock, went on to being a star college athlete and a Superbowl winner...now he has nothing. I wish there was a way I could help my friend but there is not. I pray that each day brings him something to smile about. Written in the memory of Steve Hendrickson.

Jun 7th, 2013 2:28pm

11 years ago I suffered a tbi, but had to battle my own insurance company just to get proper help, and my family to talk with the doctors to know what to expect. Instead, 11 years later I am still on disability and not enjoying work I used to be able to do, and my family is still making the comments to me that I need to "get over it"...they are impatient, unwilling to hear and understand, and misunderstand what I try to convey to them because I still find it difficult to understand conversations and can only understand bits and pieces..Now to top this off I have been babysitting my first granddaughter for 19 months 8-12 hrs a day 5 days a week (although I told my daughter previous to birth I wouldn't be able to because I don't trust myself enough)..Needless to say I'm exhausted when she leaves and I am unable to do anything else ea. day...She has developed allergies to food etc...to point of anaphylactic shock symptoms after her dad fed her shellfish and her mom gave her a peanutbutter cup...While she's ok but being tested, they are putting the blame on me because I have cats and have not been able to really clean my house in the last 11 yrs, so my daughter is "threatening" to put her in daycare. While this is a break for me, I am constantly worried about my granddaughter when she's not here because I don't know what is causing her allergies yet. The pediatrician refused to refer to allergist until she recently had to go to er. It's hard not to have her here after I raised her so much while they work, and they can't afford daycare either, and no other family members ever came forth to help even just 1 day a week. Not having her is starting up anxiety symptoms...I don't want her sick, but I didn't put her into shock either, and to top this off my husband (who has been treating me like a 5th wheel the last 11 yrs. since I'm not able to do all the motherly things he was so used to before & has had to learn to put his own dishes from table to dishwasher and his own laundry, etc.) jumped all over me and blaming me for baby being sick, and said since I can't clean the house or do anything else we should split the assets, sell the house and move separate ways. With my sense of smell, and feelings of anxiety, breathing problems and sleeping problems heightening to a point where I had to start sleeping down on the couch these last 11 yrs. too! Needless to say, I haven't slept through the night and gotten a full night's sleep these last 11 yrs. He's never been a patient person, more selfish than anything I guess, cause he never cared enough to see what the doctors wanted him to do to help me. Instead what he told me days after the accident was "I could sue the girl that caused the accident and he would support me as long as it didn't take up any of his time or cost him any money!" It took a while before I felt comfortable to drive to a dr myself only 10 min. from our house ..6 months..very high anxiety to do, and this dr. couldn't be bothered, she asked how she would be paid before she even cared enough to see what was wrong! And I had noone to advocate on my behalf..I couldn't convey to her the problems properly even though I told her I hit the windshield in an accident...Oh , and the day my husband took me to the courthouse to file..hour away from our house...I heard about his wasted time all the way there and back and his wasted filing fee..real supportive! So you can see why I was reluctant to ask anyone for help or to even see anyone, I don't have any friends to talk things over with and my kids were teenagers or younger and had their own agendas..This is probably my first anxiety attack starting in about 8 years...I guess it's high stress, I miss my granddaughter, and don't know how to sell everything I own because I'll have nowhere to go and no way of moving anything or money for help or anyone to count on to ask for help...My whole family would have been better off if I died in the accident since I'm nothing that I was before and they constantly let me know that all the time.

Feb 23rd, 2013 12:05pm

My son is in jail right now because he violated his probation. He is almost 22. He was on probation because he attempted to rob our next door neighbors. He wanted to steal their marijuana they grow in their basement. This single act which was so out of his character, landed him in jail when he was only 20. At 18 he was in a roll over car accident. I was recovering from back surgery. He was treated and released the same night. Nothing showed up on tests. He had head aches, sweating, sleepless nights, mood swings, bad temper, confusion etc. We received little help from two neurologists, 2 MRI's and really getting no help from his doctor. Life went on and despite feeling bad, he still graduated high school, and finished one and a half years of college while still living at home. But seemingly out of nowhere, his behavior changed dramatically. We found out he had quit school 3 weeks prior, and had decided to join the marines! He seemed like a totally different person. We learned he was smoking pot, and abusing pain killers. A kid who never got in trouble in school, played baseball, and was on the JV team. Earned good grades etc. Anyway, our whole family has been through hell. Seeing my son go through all of this, and experiencing the whole jail thing, has been traumatic for my husband and me and our three other children. My husband and the kids are pretty much done with him for now. They are all very angry, mostly because of how he has treated all of us while using. Lying, manipulating, and all the addict behavior. Sadly, now he is an addict. But I've done tons of research on brain injuries. Drugs is one of the things they often turn to. He had to live in an apartment, not allowed to return home because of his crime. He did very well for a long period. almost 2 years! But he did not contact his PO for two months, we did not know until we received a scarry letter from the PO on Christmas Eve! Merry Christmas! He doesn't know why he did not call his PO. We had stopped reminding him because he got so offended like we were treating him like a child. He was doing so well. Sorry for rambling. This has been by far the most painful thing I have ever been through. And I have been through a lot. It is very lonely, and the doctors don't know much still. He may end up in treatment when he gets out. We are scared that this will be happening for the rest of his life. Our insurance will not pay for a psych eval. If anyone has anything they can share with me, even if its just, that you are in the same boat, I would greatly appreciate it. Yes, your life can change in an instant.Oh I have to share a little justification about the neighbors. FINALLY, they have been found out. Indeed they were selling their "medical marijuana". I new it!!Any comments about marijuana laws? thank you for letting me vent.

Jan 22nd, 2013 6:49pm

I have brain injury and still have symptoms years later. I get a lot of pain in my head. I wish I never got hurt.

Nov 25th, 2012 3:24pm

ive been dating a woman for over 3 yrs who has severe brain injury ....i love her to death ... our relationship has been rocky .. she has lied ..cheated .. we lived together for 3months last yr and without notice moved out..her parents came to pick her up and when i went outside to meet them they did not want to hear anything from me..they baby her to death..we got back together a month later...aug 1 i left for 7days left my cell fone with her wrote her a love letter to read everyday til i returned(i went to rehab due to the stress of caring for her)i had txt messages and emails from her asking me to come back and that she was sorry for breaking up with me..she threw away the engagement ring i bought her and started dating someone else in that little time...i dont know what i should do my family says thier is no future with her... she fabricates stories that we broke up which is not true ... now she tells me that she never was seeing someone else.. she had a episode over the fone and told me she hated me and hoped that i died ...10minutes later she called back and told me how she loves me and would kill herself if i did not go back to her .... i know their is different types of brain injuries she was in a coma for almost 7 months ... i dont know what to do ..she left me homeless and penniless... some people tell me to give her leeway due to her brain injury and others say i should let her go because she will never fully recover(its been 10yrs since her wreck)im sorry to say she is taking me into her insanity..i once told her i would care for her forever but now i have to worry about my mental health...

Aug 16th, 2012 1:54pm

I had a major stroke in 2006. My wife left 4 years later but I think she just lost love for me and left because she knew that I improved enough to take care of myself. I am 60 now and I am in the best shape mentally, physically, socially,spiritually and soon to be financially. :) I am the creator of Strokes Suck.com You can find me on facebook from there

Jul 10th, 2012 2:55pm

\"I really need advice. I met a wonderful man that had a brain injury due to being shot in the head 40 yrs ago, when he was 19yrs old. We are falling in love, which I had not planned to do. I give him a note everyday, and he has a good amount of pictures of me. I believe he is in his sisters care. I hav.... Just can he and I have a serious relationship?\"....My sibling has a TBI and I hope that she will meet someone and have a normal happy life that she wants; marriage, kids etc. I understand you may be concerned this person is a vulnerable adult in which case it is best to address your concerns directly, and with his family. All marriages are unique. There is no reason not to intiate a relationship with a brain injured person as long as their mental capacity is intact. Some people may have experienced TBI and only experience physical symptoms others may have lost ability to understand, so just be open and honest about your concerns, best of luck x

Feb 1st, 2012 4:12pm

I really need advice. I met a wonderful man that had a brain injury due to being shot in the head 40 yrs ago, when he was 19yrs old. We are falling in love, which I had not planned to do. I give him a note everyday, and he has a good amount of pictures of me. I believe he is in his sisters care. I have met 2 his sisters, 3 neices, his brother-in-law. Everyone is nice and likes me. My concern is, if we decided we wanted to get married, would it be possible? I know I'd be caring for him...but I am not worried about that. Just can he and I have a serious relationship?

Dec 4th, 2011 4:00pm

I was 43 when I got a tbi.I was planning to get married to a lady but,she couldn\'t deal with my tbi

Jul 21st, 2011 8:52pm

hi i am a survivor off a really bad wreck that happened 7 years ago they told me after i woke up from the coma i was in for a week i am only 23 years old now and im still haveing relationship problems i am a homosexual guy and all my relationships dont last i dont understand why they dont they seem to run cause im not the person i used to be i feel so alone all the time even if there a family around or even the new guy i am dateing show me affection and i sometimes feel like im alone even with all the attention he gives me how do i get help or be able to get the courage to talk to a perfessional to help me please help me

Apr 22nd, 2011 10:33pm

Even with the knowledge we have now it's thing's missed. I've recovering for 4 years. With my feeling being felt alone. We lose our support. I was really lost. Didn't know how to adjust to it. Always wakeing up going on. After 36 year getting up 6 in the a.m. This was totally new. I had to over come a lot. I'm cooping trying to focus on today. Working on me so I my be able to give back. Excuse any errors. Keep the faith stay strong. Know matter what if u have a family member are friend. Just remember it a new life for them. They enjoy things also. Just company is a blessing.

Oct 29th, 2010 10:06pm

I'm on the other side of the wall~being a Mom & Caregiver to my son who suffered from a brain injury in 2004. Judah was only 12 at the time~very independent,social,happy,fearless kid. Nothing or noone held him back from living life to the fullest(not even his deafness he received at a early age of 6 mo. from Meningitis). After a go~cart accident our life "stopped" for awhile.....he wasn't expected to live. I quit my job that moment and eversince our world has taken many detours and hit alot of obstacles!! With brain damage comes so many emotions it is just overwhelming and words could never express! Every moment is a moment of uncertainty~we never know what to expect. LIFE after brain damage is not and never will be the same. There are so many friends, co-workers, preachers, family etc. present when the person is in a COMA~STATE; but, afterwards when they "WAKE~UP" if they wake~up. Where is the support? At first yeah a few folks come around and ask "how are you doing?"....as time goes by fewer people come by and noone ask or cares anymore. "OUT OF SIGHT~OUT OF MIND"....and you're left alone picking through the pieces of your life and trying to rebuild. My heart goes out to "all" the people who are touched by this life~changing tragedy. A grieving process has to take place....the old person is no longer there; but a new "different" person invades their body and takes over their life. I love the boy I gave birth to; but, sometimes if I was brutally honest "I HATE WHAT THIS BRAIN DAMAGE" has taken from all of us. My son has missed out on his life~while others his age are having the time of their lives....he has to be stuck with his Mom taking care of all his needs. I hurt so much for him!!! I love that kid more than anyone could imagine and would take his place in an instant! GOD BLESS EVERYONE OF YOU TOUCHED BY T.B.I.!!!

Aug 5th, 2010 1:26pm

My younger sister( she is 44 and I am 54 ) and I have not gotten along well for over 30 years. My injury happened at when I was 18 and she was 8.She could not understand why I had changed and I didn't have the capacity to tell her. She doesn't like me very much any more. Perhaps understandably. Every time I try to talk about it with her she puts on her lawyer face and the conversation stops. I feel perplexed to say the least. I wish this information had been available to me at that time. But even the doctors were not very aware of TBI in 1973. Please forgive my rambling. Its nice to be able to verbalize all my frustration. My experience will hopefully provide insight to someone so that they might avoid the discord I went through.

Jun 30th, 2010 7:54pm

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