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From the National Resource Center for Traumatic Brain Injury
Many survivors and family members describe changes in their relationships after the injury. They may not hear much from friends, co-workers, and extended family members. Others notice that their phone calls, emails, and letters are left unanswered. Some survivors find themselves feeling alone even when they spend much of their time with family members or friends. Here are some of the things people say about their relationships after brain injury. Do any of these statements sound like things you have said?
- I can't relate to other people. It's easier to be by myself.
- What happened to all the friends who came to visit me in the hospital?
- Other people don't want to be around me.
- People seem to avoid me.
- My wife threatens to leave me at least twice a week.
- I wonder why no one returns my calls.
- It seems like everyone at work has lost my phone number.
- I haven't talked to anyone in weeks.
- Nobody cares about me.
- I don't have any friends.
- Seems like nobody wants to talk to me.
- Nobody has any idea what I am going through. They don't understand me.
Why people feel lonely even when around family members or friends?
After injury, many survivors describe feeling lonely — even when they are surrounded by other people. This loneliness may arise for many different reasons.
- Difficulty talking to other people or understanding what others are saying are common problems survivors face after injury. Communication problems can make relating to other people and explaining your thoughts and feelings very difficult. These problems can lead to feeling misunderstood and isolated.
- Many survivors feel self-conscious after their injuries. They may worry about being different or less capable than other people. Self-consciousness can make it harder to spend time with other people or seek out new relationships.
- After injury, many survivors worry about what others will think of them and may feel nervous about being around other people. They may be afraid of being hurt or rejected by other people.
- Many survivors notice they are more irritable after their injuries. When irritated, they may say or do things they regret later on. Some survivors try to stay away from those they care about for fear of behaving poorly. Family and friends may also avoid you if they are worried about what you might say or do.
- Fatigue and low energy are common problems after brain injury. Survivors may not have the energy to do things they used to enjoy or to spend time with friends and family. Family and friends may also worry about tiring you out when they invite you to do something.
- Pain and other physical problems often make it harder for survivors to do things they used to enjoy. You may also have trouble leaving the house, traveling, or visiting other people. Injury-related limitations make it harder to nurture and build relationships.
- Many survivors are not able to drive or work after their injury. Lack of transportation and money may make it hard to visit others or do things you enjoy.
- People generally make friends through work or being involved in social or recreational activities. After injury, survivors often stop working and may not be involved in sports, church, and other activities. You may lose contact with friends and co-workers because you don't see them as much.
- Friends and family may feel uncomfortable because they don't know what to say, how to act, or how to help. Discomfort may make it harder for them to relate to you or spend time with you. Help them out by letting them know about your positive and negative feelings and what they can do to help you.
From the National Resource Center for Traumatic Brain Injury, Virginia Commonwealth Model Systems of Care. Chapter reprinted with permission from the NRC TBI publication, Memory Matters: Strategies for Managing Everyday Memory Problems. www.neuro.pmr.vcu.edu.
Comments [7]
I really need advice. I met a wonderful man that had a brain injury due to being shot in the head 40 yrs ago, when he was 19yrs old. We are falling in love, which I had not planned to do. I give him a note everyday, and he has a good amount of pictures of me. I believe he is in his sisters care. I have met 2 his sisters, 3 neices, his brother-in-law. Everyone is nice and likes me. My concern is, if we decided we wanted to get married, would it be possible? I know I'd be caring for him...but I am not worried about that. Just can he and I have a serious relationship?
I was 43 when I got a tbi.I was planning to get married to a lady but,she couldn\'t deal with my tbi
hi i am a survivor off a really bad wreck that happened 7 years ago they told me after i woke up from the coma i was in for a week i am only 23 years old now and im still haveing relationship problems i am a homosexual guy and all my relationships dont last i dont understand why they dont they seem to run cause im not the person i used to be i feel so alone all the time even if there a family around or even the new guy i am dateing show me affection and i sometimes feel like im alone even with all the attention he gives me how do i get help or be able to get the courage to talk to a perfessional to help me please help me
Even with the knowledge we have now it's thing's missed. I've recovering for 4 years. With my feeling being felt alone. We lose our support. I was really lost. Didn't know how to adjust to it. Always wakeing up going on. After 36 year getting up 6 in the a.m. This was totally new. I had to over come a lot. I'm cooping trying to focus on today. Working on me so I my be able to give back. Excuse any errors. Keep the faith stay strong. Know matter what if u have a family member are friend. Just remember it a new life for them. They enjoy things also. Just company is a blessing.
I'm on the other side of the wall~being a Mom & Caregiver to my son who suffered from a brain injury in 2004. Judah was only 12 at the time~very independent,social,happy,fearless kid. Nothing or noone held him back from living life to the fullest(not even his deafness he received at a early age of 6 mo. from Meningitis). After a go~cart accident our life "stopped" for awhile.....he wasn't expected to live. I quit my job that moment and eversince our world has taken many detours and hit alot of obstacles!! With brain damage comes so many emotions it is just overwhelming and words could never express! Every moment is a moment of uncertainty~we never know what to expect. LIFE after brain damage is not and never will be the same. There are so many friends, co-workers, preachers, family etc. present when the person is in a COMA~STATE; but, afterwards when they "WAKE~UP" if they wake~up. Where is the support? At first yeah a few folks come around and ask "how are you doing?"....as time goes by fewer people come by and noone ask or cares anymore. "OUT OF SIGHT~OUT OF MIND"....and you're left alone picking through the pieces of your life and trying to rebuild. My heart goes out to "all" the people who are touched by this life~changing tragedy. A grieving process has to take place....the old person is no longer there; but a new "different" person invades their body and takes over their life. I love the boy I gave birth to; but, sometimes if I was brutally honest "I HATE WHAT THIS BRAIN DAMAGE" has taken from all of us. My son has missed out on his life~while others his age are having the time of their lives....he has to be stuck with his Mom taking care of all his needs. I hurt so much for him!!! I love that kid more than anyone could imagine and would take his place in an instant! GOD BLESS EVERYONE OF YOU TOUCHED BY T.B.I.!!!
My younger sister( she is 44 and I am 54 ) and I have not gotten along well for over 30 years. My injury happened at when I was 18 and she was 8.She could not understand why I had changed and I didn't have the capacity to tell her. She doesn't like me very much any more. Perhaps understandably. Every time I try to talk about it with her she puts on her lawyer face and the conversation stops. I feel perplexed to say the least. I wish this information had been available to me at that time. But even the doctors were not very aware of TBI in 1973. Please forgive my rambling. Its nice to be able to verbalize all my frustration. My experience will hopefully provide insight to someone so that they might avoid the discord I went through.
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\"I really need advice. I met a wonderful man that had a brain injury due to being shot in the head 40 yrs ago, when he was 19yrs old. We are falling in love, which I had not planned to do. I give him a note everyday, and he has a good amount of pictures of me. I believe he is in his sisters care. I hav.... Just can he and I have a serious relationship?\"....My sibling has a TBI and I hope that she will meet someone and have a normal happy life that she wants; marriage, kids etc. I understand you may be concerned this person is a vulnerable adult in which case it is best to address your concerns directly, and with his family. All marriages are unique. There is no reason not to intiate a relationship with a brain injured person as long as their mental capacity is intact. Some people may have experienced TBI and only experience physical symptoms others may have lost ability to understand, so just be open and honest about your concerns, best of luck x
Feb 1st, 2012 4:12pm