What Happens to Relationships After Brain Injury?

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Valentines Day 2015 changed our lives forever. My husband was rushed to hospital having seizures. What was happening, he has never been sick apart from the occasional cold. Then I was given the news no partner wants to hear " We found a large tumor on his brain" Our relationship has changed tremendously and I always wish somehow we could take it back. He now struggles daily with chronic fatigue, lacks motivation to do any activity. He has bursts of frustration and most of all for me we have lost our intimacy. He is living his own private hell and I am on the outside watching and feeling very lonely. We dont converse as much anymore. Date night is a bygone memory. Our marriage is extremely hard but I would rather it be hard than not have him at all !! Now we just have to take a different journey and learn to enjoy this new life with all the new highs and lows. I would much rather cry a few tears than cry a river if I had lost him ..

In the last year my boyfriend got hit by a car while walking.. Our relationship has suffered tremendously and I always wish somehow we could take it back. He has had anger issues and a close relative of his passed away only six months after. Things have been terrible hard but I would rather it be hard than not have him at all. We were together for a year and a half and now going on three. He was put on mood stabalizers to help his anger, and since then has been able to control it a lot better with slight bursts here and there. He is an angel and always remember that they don't mean to be what the brain injury caused.. they can't control it. If you are concerned go to a doctor or therapist and ask for help, they wish the accident didnt happen as much as us loved ones do, so always encourage them to be the best person. I know I will never be without my boyfriend, he may be different, but he's a love and always will be. 

Everything changes, nothing is the same very hard to trust, he angers easily, forgets what we just talked about, accuses me of not understanding or supporting him. It's a very lonely life because now I'm the caregiver

My god i agree with every word written here, in Feb 2013 I suffered I'm told a severe TBI as a passenger in a car. I was a driven successful person before my injury but hell this impact has removed a lot of my personality to the person I now am however I'm so glad that my previous driven personality remained and it's that determination that has helped me but I've been in some tough times since my injury. I wish all with head injuries a blessed future with happiness and hope. Gary..

I had a tbi when I was 16. My life was great. I was getting offers for college football and looking forward to my senior year. It was March 31, 2009, and just a normal day going to school. The temperature was 26 degrees that morning but 70 the prior day and also later that day I found out. I had a 2004 Chevy Colorado. Only 6/10 of a mile from home I hit 72 feet of black ice that had formed from a water main break. I don't remember the accident. I hit a tree and suffered a diffuse axional brain injury. Basically shaken baby syndrome doctors told my parents. My life is great now I'm 23 married with an 18month old daughter. I work on the railroad and have a college degree. I do have a great life but very often feel a sense of depression and wonder of what my life would've been. My high school sweetheart broke up with me and I can't get over that. And I feel very anxious that I can't remember the actual wreck. Everything else I remember even better than before. Can anyone relate or give me advice on why I feel this way? I feel strange.

Perhaps written for those who have not been affected as much as the severely ones. We can't give compliments, babysit, go for coffee, etc. if we are unable to leave our home. For the ways we are affected, much of this list  is 'simply' not doable. My comments are meant for positive clarification. I respect those who write, and I am thankful for forums such as these.

I can tell you that I am severe brain injury. I lost my wife because it's a long story.we left my dear camp and that funny feeling I got was a warning from the LORD I just shook my head ,it has been and will be the opportunity it just overwhelming that I wish I had somebody to make my progress it was like I had a wife but before my progress. My life is lonely and having one that you care about ,it makes me real happy and my wishes go to her happiness it's my ability to make sure that my two kids are happy, and they are it makes my healing process go quickly, I am lonely it make the process get harder .I wish I had a woman to make the healing process to go a little easier. I'm OK I don't need anybody, it helps being able to talk about the trouble that it help thank you .

I had a severe traumatic tbi from a horse accident, the saddle didnt fit right enough, I take my actions as my own, forgot all about to make sure the saddle fits, wasn't my first blow to the head but it certainly was the last.  at least I hope. 

I hope that strategies are important enough not to be forgotten.  I go through these cycles of learning, then unlearning, or at least not having the information in the blink of an eye, its usually a slow process.  Like there is a storm inside my head and the storm has to settle down before I can accurately navigate the area of my mind that is needed. 

If I can remember what i was looking for before the storm that is.

its like being distracted from your job, takes a good couple of minutes to get back on track, well sometimes is can be longer.

I dont think this process is taken into account during an emotional experience.

Everyone is different, try to allow your focus to the most important, but life is so much more than that, I believe we can successfully regain most of our natural behaviors and though patterns, we have the opportunity to make it better. speaking from a place where I have not yet accomplished this task, as it seems to be overwhelming.  I try lots of notes to remind me, because when i forget, the tax man still collects, this time with compound interest.  I knew I should have taken it slow and easy after surgery, but I didn't, now here I am.  still have a bit of fight left so to speak. Its tiresome at times, obstacle after obstacle, it doesn't take long to get tired, then after fatigue comes depression, and i hope you guys can see that fatigue is the prime reason we have problems.  the more we sleep the better we feel, get a good rest everyone. I hope I didn't offend anyone.

It's been 15 years now since my brain tumor was removed.....life has pretty much sucked. My ex left me, my sister and father kicked me to the curb, my Mom has been my only bright spot...and God, People do not accept those whom are somehow different, whether that's memory, emotions, attention, personality, etc...whatever.. Best just to learn to live alone happily as possible. Learn to do fun things independenantly 

My husband had a TBI from a car accident in 1989.  Our relationship changed and things got really bad until six years ago when he died in yet another car accident.  We had a lot of trouble trying to get help for him.  The insurance company fought us every step of the way, trying to blame his situation on his previous military experience, which was years ago.  Now I'm stuck here trying to live with the aftermath of all this.  I miss our life, I'm very lonely and no one understands what we went through for 20 years.

There are many support groups out there, hun. You are not alone. Please reach out. Remember, you matter. Love being sent your way

I had a catastrophic TBI a little over 20 years ago , had a handful of friends , they disappeared  , so I've been almost 25years with nobody at all .I suffer with clinical depression & once self harmed so severely that I almost bled to death . That was 20 years ago - now I feel like a facsimile ,not human ,without hope &staying alive so's to help care for my dear Mum who's stricken with Alzheimer's .

My TBI occured to me in February of 2011. I was driving south on I 15 and I hit a car that was going the wrong way on the freeway, head on and the speed limit was 75. The wrong way driver died on the scene and I, for better or worse survived. I am not a negative person, before or after the accident, I feel, but the TBI has wreaked havoc on my personal life since nearly day 1 of being released from my 2 month hospital stay. I have anger issues with my now 6 and 10 year old boys and my wife has continually commented on her not understanding me and how she feels like she is now married to a stranger. To the point where we have had to separate and she moved out.

Her moving out is not only a huge financial cost to us both, but an emotional struggle for both of us too. I will not comment on her self disclosed stress but my stress has become abruptly clear.

We seemingly had a great marriage before the accident. Rarely, if ever, fought, had the same outlooks on life, seemingly got along fine and fit like two pieces of a puzzle. That all changed when the wrong way driver struck me and ultimately gave me a TBI amongst numerous other inflicted traumas. The TBI, as I have said from nearly the 2nd month out of the hospital, is the one ailment that no one can see or understand. To me it is the most traumatic injury that has a lasting effect on me and those around  me.

My two sons, who are now 6 and 10 probably feel the 2nd worse effects, only preceded by my still current wife. The boys feel the wrath of me from dealing with sports to nightly homework. I really wish I could change and therefore this is day 1 of my transformation back to who I was before the TBI. Will it be easy? No. Will it be quick? No. Is it the most important undertaking I have ever attempted? Yes. Without a doubt. I liken it to conquering Mt. Everest. It seems like an unsurmountable task, right now, but there is nothing more important to me than keeping my family together and happy. I love them all and want them to be happy. Happy with me. That would mean more than the world to me. This is why I am embarking on this surely tough journey. They deserve it and I do not want to let the guy that hit me define who I will be for the rest of my life.

Man this is such a spot-on article. My mood swings are the most difficult part of it all.

I had a Brain Injury from an ATV accident in 2011.  I was released from the Hospital after a week, and had a few follow-up appointments with a neurologist.  I saw double for 8 weeks, so I had some appointments with a vision specialist.  When I stopped seeing double, all health care was over.  No one mentioned to me that there could be some residual, ongoing problems.  I lost the love of my life, estranged my family, and felt very alone and depressed.  After reading a novel last week that involved a couple of people with TBI, I read the authors' notes on research for the book.  I now understand the anger, depression, and other emotional problems I have been having. I am not me anymore.  I  am trying to educate my loved ones about it now so maybe I can mend the relationships.  It seems to be helping, but will not fix the behavior over the last 4 years.  I have a Dr. appointment today with a Dr that prescribed a mild medication for depression to me about 9 months ago.  I did not think it was relevant at the time to talk to her about my Brain Injury.  I do now. 

My brain injury happened 12/08/14 i got robbed by four guys and beat in head with shovels i underwent an left hemicraniectomy i was on life support for two day my whole right side of body is weakeness and i have glaucoma and i live a lone and feel like i have no help noooo where thats not good at all

I recently started back too work, 1 year, after having a tumor removed (partially), then radiation, and left deaf in one ear. My co workers, seem too be almost afraid of me. I used to be the 'class clown'. I almost feel like my body has been violated in some way from the surgery. It's now 13 months later. It should get better right?

Wishing everyone luck & recovery, healing on here. Makes you feel less alone. It is a struggle. July 14 I had a slip, trip & fall hit back of head, then speaker fell on head as well & think was concussed. Had nausea, vision, just staring at wall..Had mild tbi/pcs since- Then reported SV very traumatic need to complain re that. Feb waiting in neurology got hit in head as well. Very unlucky then helped a shot teenager & frightening. I live with preteen daughter & hard for her as gone from calm, happy & upbeat to angry, frustrated, depressed. Try tho to be more upbeat but can be volatile and she can as well. Parenting hard as makes so much noise & does not listen. I have had very little help & actually find pple nasty as seem to be narcissists and minimize & deny anything wrong & want to talk about themselves & too much. Also I don't drink & realize most pple do. I have become more spiritual and mindfulness, meditation, mantras, gratitude help. Relaxing music on you tube. I Have been very angry about lots of things & still am as reminded me of other traumas & being violently hit as a child. I like online stuff a lot now. I am at risk of losing home as unemployed on sick. Depressing & also how treated in UK. Praying this will change. It is hard having a hidden disability but pple think am not. I am still multilingual and can do a lot but before was super able. Cannot cope with light, noise, interaction. Pple & family have been abusive to me especially as am speaking out on these forums & on social media. Free speech. Also nasty because am poor. Just trying to do the best I can which is hard. Need to look at how can earn from home. Relationship wise don't think can meet anyone with this. Slowly get better 2 steps forward 1 step back. Be kind to yourselves & anyone helping you. Baths with lavender oil on head help as well, good healthy, raw food. Take care Namaste share your stories

I suffered a t.b.i when i was 19 was clinically dead 5 times had a t.i.a 1 month after leaving hospital no family nor friends could understand the change in my personality i lost all then my father kicked me out of home told me not to return until i was who i used to be,"i wish"after surviving on the streets in Sydney for 4 years as no family was allowed to help and after many years and 3 states i finally found my place and my gorgeous wife who accepts me with my faults so to any of you who may read this don't give up another day holds hope.

Without making this a long post, someone very special to me had a tbi a bit over 2 years ago.  Not as "serious" as some others, as he attempts to work.  This past Dec, he had a mini-stroke.  I only met this man 2 months after his tbi.  We were friends, and things started to grow from there.  After the mini-stroke, things got worse.  Meaning as far as his irritability, stm, concentration, depression, etc.  He started to shut off (which I begged him not to), as we are currently in different states.  Point being, this is a man with a LOT of pride, and was determined not to let this get him although his head was like a "shook up snow globe".  I think he is now starting to accept he may not get the old him back, but it is not liking it.  I could have taken some things he has said personally, and the behavior as such, but instead, I started reading up on survivors of tbi/strokes.  Everything was so on point.  To read what the survivors have said about their life, changes, thoughts was enlightening. His family doesn't understand, as no one seems to want to inform themselves.  They believe this is something the survivor chooses and can control.  I know things will not always be good, but it's the knowledge, understanding and love for him that gives me the strength to support and be there for him. 

I had a TBI 3 maybe 4 years ago, from an assault.  No doctor would ever help me and I struggle still.  I lost all my family as they found me too much to cope with I guess, they never actually said, just slowly disappeared from my life.  I avoid leaving my room, I have no facial recognition now which makes my life so very lonely.  Everyone is a stranger.  Every place I have to venture out into is strange and unknown to me (although I have been there before).  Am wondering if others also struggle with recognition of places, faces and writing?  Doctors are of no help, just shake their heads.  There are so many of us struggling and I hope we all find the peace we so much deserve.  Namaste.

I have one. I have lost my family and my marriage is in serious trouble..this injury is the worst.

my husband suffered from two sub achroid brain heamorages and he is home from hospital but no one comes to visit I have to work to keep a house for us to live in but his mood swings are starting to tell on me. I go to my work knowing that hubby is looked after by carers but when I come in after work my life is hell asking why those people come in and i go out then he has a good old rant about things them maybe after an hour he has forgotten all the nasty things he has said to me I have no support and really now think I cannot take anymore but he is my hubby in sickness and in health

I was hit in the head by a throw playing softball going on a year in September. Since my concussion, I have been living at my parents house recovering and sleeping alone. I have not given this much thought until recently. You see me and my girlfriend have decided to move in together and I am terrified of sharing a bed with her. My fear is that I could accidently be hit in the head again, on accident. I am doing much better but I certainly do not want to be hit in my head. This is new territory for her. She is a good person given my condition she still wants to move in together and be there for me. I don't want us to fight if by accident she bumps into my head or elbows my by accident. Can anyone relate? Any help would be much appreciated. I pray that we all heal over time. God bless you all!

I have noticed since my last brain surgery for my hydrocephalus my moods have been affected. I am more short tempered. My employer I feel is treating me different since I had my surgery. I used to love my job but have now got to the point where I dread going into work. Things got so bad I actually banged my head off the wall at work a few times.

Hi, my name is chad L. after reading this page and seeing all the people struggling with tbi, and seeing me struggling with the same issues, mainly relationship issues, my girlfriend i dont think understands the whole TBI. i try to send her stuff on it im not sure if she really reads it or what, but i know that maybe she will see if she just reads this whole page! maybe she will see how hard she is making it on me! i was in a coma for 8 days life support, really lucky to be alive of course thanks to God. but i had to re learn everything, walk, talk, eat, ect. now the first couple years after the accident are kind of fuzzy, most due to the injury, but eventually i did turn to alcohol for my answers, survivor guilt i guess is what they call it! well ended up just throwing my life away, went to prison at 18 got out at 23, i went to different times, but thats irrelevant, now i went to rehabs, in different states,  am from arizona! really but i just went right back to prison the second time, now ive been out for almost a year! which to me is so great, but really i can do so much, im very blessed the injury you cant see so much when you look at me or not really even talk to me! i have read and seen some terrible stuff for people with TBI. and im very blessed, but her is my problem, sorry it took so long, my girlfriend, she tells me like alot like 2 times week, maybe more, that she dont love me, im not her best friend! never going to be her husband! its ok i should be able to tell its a lie, beacuse she always commes back, but part of my brain, when i say ohhh she loves you she will come bacl, well there is a part man she tell you everyday how she isnt happy that your crazy, your mind is crazy! but to me, she doesnt even try to read about it or help, just expects, and you know thats good! i should be able to do anything i have God! but i just am looking for some answers, beaucse she i dont think is! she just wants me to change over night! and yes i guess it could be done! but really this injury is crazy, its hard to understand, what it does to some people it doesnt to to the other person! many problems in feeling alone, befre i went to prison even when i was in home with family it was different, i feel like everyone that knew me, looks and treats me different! the hardest part of this whol injury, was coming home and hearing from my whole family how much i had changed, how different i was, it shouldnt matter right? what anyone else thinks, not my family not any old friends, but it played a big factor in my life and my choices, for this reason, i blame going to prison on the injury, i couldnt accept the fact that i was different, i just drank and thought since i been through so much at such a young age, the world owed me something, but really so many people go through so much more. just its God's will for eah person, now idk why but its what is suppose to be, did i get mad that a friend died in my car i had to be the one walking around school, and everyone saying thats the guy, felt horrible, but i let it destroy me! i have now like i said been out of prison, for almost a year, i actually got my first job, and even though i am on probation i was so happy, i still am happy yes of course, but i have had a couple relapses, about 3 actually, the 3rd one was really bad, really bad. but its ok. i got through it now i just have to get through the rest of my life with nothing, which should not actually which will not be a problem, this relationship though is really hard on me she is in another country but i really truly love her, and  i feel the same, just my biggest problem, is maybe she dont read none of the things i send her it doesnt seem like it, but maybe she doesnt understand its a life long injury, and im not going to need her to walk me around holding my hand, but sometimes i am going to need her help! really i need it sometimes! but i guess i its not her God has another angel to look after and help me, or maybe just my mom, but really just wish she would read and try just try to understand, that is all thank you! 

I am 25 years old and 2 years ago my partner who i've grown up with had a bike accident. He hasn't been the same since, he has been physically and mentally abusive and has done some really horrible things, the physical aspect is becoming less although when arguing in the kitchen he has recently picked up knifes!! But much more then the physical he is so negative minded, if i suggest anything or show him things he comments negatively no matter how offensive! He is always on the defensive. Its hard for me because other people don't notice the difference or if they do they ignore it! No one understands what goes on behind closed doors and to what extent things actually get to! I know that it's nobodys fault but yet I cant see myself living like this for much longer! I love him so much but I am becoming depressed, we used to be best friends but I am starting to resent him! I just wish things could go back to the way they were!

As I read every ones postings it is as if I am reading a little about myself in each one. The same but different. Every TBI is different and has different levels of outcomes but at the same time are very similar. It has been five years since I too was rear ended by a 'distracted' driver at a speed somewhere between 50 and 60 mph. No way to know for sure because he never hit his brakes as I sat at a traffic light. ( for you math enthusiast he was going 88 ft per second per second with a 6000 lb vehicle, Ouch!) The ER doctors never considered a TBI and did not refer me to a neurologists. I actually had physical brain damage and now face a life with Epilepsy.  I know that I should not yell at my wife when I 'lose it' but like everyone else that is easier said than done. My emotions are all over the place due to those brain injuries and the AEDs I have to take to to control the seizures. I did not know I had PTSD until I was told so by a doctor 5 years post injury! I too lost my career which I loved, my high salary income, ( I loved that too) my friends, my sports, I can't drive anymore and that is hard to deal with. I am chained to my house until my wife can be here to drive me to from doctor appointments. Love ones, talk to your injured spouse about how they hurt you emotionally when you act out or say hurtful things you don;t really mean. Don't let it build up to a "I can't take this anymore" moment.  I have watched my wife change over these past 5 years and it is because of me, my actions.   I am just now realizing this!! We are finally seeing a neuropsychological therapist together to 'work' on my/ our many issues due to the TBI. I am still in mourning for the person I /we lost that moment in time I wish I had back. But had I not been there at that spot at the exact time a 25 year old man would have been killed. With that knowledge even if I could travel back in time I could not bring myself to save myself nor live with myself.  We have been married 47 years and I don't want to lose what we have worked so hard to accomplish.  The chronic pain from all of the body injures add to this problem of along with Chronic Insomnia, hearing and eyesight problems, speech and language and cognitive deficits just like everyone else suffers from. When you write all of this down on paper and look at it you say dang that guy is messed up! Yes but I still have my sense of humor. You and I must always keep that as it is one our the best medicines.  But I have to refuse to let all of my problems ruin my/our lives. Easy said but it has helped me through this and I hope it can help at least one of you.  OK now, Visualize a stork next to a pond with a frog in his mouth he is trying to swallow whose head you cannot see. BUT the frog has both of this hands around the storks throat and is choking the stork. The caption reads, "NEVER GIVE UP". Thank all of you for sharing your stories as they help me know that I am not alone in this struggle to be normal again. One Last Thing. What saved my life that day was simple. I always stop a full length of my vehicle behind the stopped vehicle in front of me, ALWAYS! I teach everyone this same lesson. Pass it on!   God Bless. TRN

My husband has a brain injury after bacterial meningitis ... Yes it's lonely... Everything has changed... Everything. Sometimes I wonder if there is any relief. He is a lot older than me.... I use to love that...but now I see him aging and I see the long road ahead. I think it's important to take stock of what's happened.... I am a full time carer for him and I love him.... But sometimes like tonight and I just keep crying... Because its hard and lonely. As I say to others 'never mind' it is what it is

My marriage has suffered as a result of my concussion :(

It is nearly ten years since I survived my cerebral haemorrhage. The comments/narratives in this forum conveys the sometimes overwhelming challenges of attempting to thrive instead of just surviving/existing with an acquired brain injury.

Since 2006, my life working as an Occupational Therapist ceased. Am still grieving the loss of work role, loss of friends, loss of self, loss of meaningful living. No-one can really understand until they have endured the experience. Not to be recommended.

Your story amazed me!!! I've had a car wreck an broke neck broke pelvis and broke arm with rod in it .. Eye injury ( very self conscious about .. I wear colored contacts to cover injury ) and right side head injury , coma ... All that too ... Very traumatizing! I'm bipolar now went through 3 divorces ... Used to be a hairdresser for Regis Co. Now I can't even stand to work with the pain an aggravation... Your story Helped! Thanks!

After my accident in 2014 I made a miracle recovery, from a broken back to a massive head injury, TBI & suffered a DAI. I spent all but 4 months in hospital & rehabilitation with some amazing people. Lots of people helped make my recovery what it was, and saved many aspects of my life. Fast forward over a year since it happened, back to work since August '14, moved house, but yes definitely agree with the losses, lost my girlfriend who did so much & I love dearly, friends don't bother, family do, but I do find all sorts frustrating as simply I lost 2-5 years memory and my time out, things are different and all new.... But. You need to pick yourself up and get a grip - the fact you are alive is amazing, talk to people, yeah I apologise loads but getting less, talking about what happened loads less, been going to the gym 3 times a week for 3 months now - it helps, trust me.... Make yourself feel better by giving yourself hope, we are bought into this world alone and will leave the same way, I've survived something millions won't, so although devastated that my partner left - I wish her well, yet miss her every minute of every day. If you are down enough to consider suicide, then simply think long and hard about how blessed you are to be here in any capacity - someone will be shocked and upset by losing you, and you should cherish every single thing your eyes are blessed to view. The replies on here don't make anyone feel any better, be it the injured person or the loved ones, just think you should be strong enough to be alone - either way - and tomorrow is another day!! So many strangers spent their time to help me survive - if nothing o owe it to those amazing people that I live as well and long as possible. Talk. Smile. Be happy, stop looking back, start looking forward, I know it's hard, cos I'm living it to, yes things could be better but my god could be so much worse!! I believe more than ever, what will be will certainly be - and the one thing that mainly crucifies me, I believe it was meant to be and hopefully will be - but if not, life's already mapped out so something equally as good may be just around the corner..... Live. Love. Good luck everyone:)

I am a tbi susrvivor of 12 1/2 yrs. and thank you for posting the positives we can choose to take from this situation of many problems .... I struggle all of the time and not even sure my family is even aware of these - as all of you have- i do also and so badly want to conquer them but am no so naive to believe they will go away and i just have to choose to keep on trying and be as aware of things as possible .... i try to pay attention to the things that i do and say that i regret and try to be more careful but that does not always work but i won't give up b/c i choose also to believe there is a bigger picture that God has planned for my life .... i am first time sharing and didn't say much about my tbi v/c it is such a long story - just wanted to thank you for sharing a positive note on what we can try to do about our lives with faith and hope .... thank you all and GOD BLESS !

There is hope. And there are things you can do which will greatly improve your quality of life.  I had a massive stroke and fell from a very wealthy position in my life to absolute poverty.  I lost it all.  Friends, career, the BMW, the house, much of my belongings and my ability to fly a plane.   But I took several actions which greatly improved my life.  Downsize, downsize, downsize.  The one thing a brain injury can do for you is make you realize how unnecessary many material things may be.  I sold off almost everything and put myself in an apartment.  I lessened every responsibility I could and let the bills fall where they may.  I prioritized the few responsibilities I could handle.  Rent, utilities and cable.   Acquire the best coach and lazy boy you can find.  Buy a superb TV, hang on to your internet connection, get an Obama phone and relax.  I use Facebook to stay in touch and it is just as good as calling on the phone which I quit doing also.  Life is good. Don't worry about it.  Get out occasionally and otherwise, chill.

I Have Tried To Have RelationshipS, After My Head Injury, To Find Myself Not Understanding,Irritable, And Just Difficult. Who Wants To Be Around That. I Have Found That I Have Even Becoming Controlling, Depressed, Suicidal, And Hate Myself. Its Been 4 Yrs Since My Accident. I Can't Cope With Any Stress. Not Sure If I Will Ever Be Able To Sustain A Normal Relationship.

im not sure many people would agree with this but a relationship after a TBI sucked for me at least, i dont have many friends most of my friends are female and disabled and older than me i kind of like that though in some sort of way

im 7 years in and have lost everything my life my family and my wife heading to divorce soon and then a nursing home oh yippy what a life 

My TBI happened, I was almost 9 & was going to a really small town school. Less than 1/2 a year after my accident, I returned to my 3rd grade classroom &..... Long story short, everyone at school had to learn to live with it because A) I wasn't goin' anywhere & B) The school wouldn't get rid of me at the cost of losing state aid. My oldest niece was born 8 months and 10 days before my car accident so, she didn't know pre-injury Aunt Gerty. Now, I have 5 more nieces + a nephew who never knew me before my TBI, I think I was able to connect with the kids better as they were growing up b/c I was re-learning some of the basics at the same time they were learning the same thing the first time through

I have a tbi and I am 19 and at UK, do NOT get embarrassed or annoyed or angry with people who have traumatic brain injuries. We can't help it, plus we almost died. My family is embarrassed of me often because I say things that aren't appropriate. My wreck made me change, and I hate who I am now, but can't help it.

Hi,

My husband suffered a TBI in Feb of 2015. This has been a nightmare. I was reading some of the comments and can relate totally. I do everything for this man, who I love and he has no idea how much I am doing. He don't appreciate it, nor does he even understand. My son is suffering so bad. Our lives are totally changed. We went from a loving family, who did everything together, to living a complete nightmare. My son was so close to his dad. All the plans they had of things they were going to do, are all gone. This is so hard for me deal with. I now, am his nurse. Who he treats like crap. He is angry, defiant, and mean at times. He has pain all over his body and he feels terrible about himself. He is inappropriate at times and i fear if someone is in our company what he will say or do. I too have be doing this all on my own. This is the hardest thing i have ever gone through in my life, without a doubt. The emotional part is devastating. If anyone needs to talk, you can email me at buckycarlo@yahoo.com. Getting support is the best thing we can do for ourselves. Good luck to everyone and God Bless. Mary

Relationships after brain injury? I am more than 25 years into being a survivor of TBI. I had multiple brain injuries but one was the big one that caused years of frustration, sadness, mania maybe due to docs acting in good faith but treating the wrong thing. For this, i am not angry at doctors just very disappointed. I'm more angry that I lost my life in the brain injury and i remember when I woke up, the nurse sounded so happy and ran to get a doctor, but most days I wish that I had never woken up. Well-meaning people point to me in pictures when I look happy and say "see, you were happy here, but to me I do not recognize self in these pics; it as if I were putting on a show just so people will pass over me and not ask so many questions. The biggest thing tha caused me problem was that I could not gauge sarcasm.and still struggle in this area. And if topics are changed suddenly, i feel like a real phony. I feel delayed in keeping with the shift. I feel as if i were playing along only to not look dumb. The hardest part for me has been knowing how many people I let down and how many hearts I have hurt. I am in constant grief. I wake-up almost daily grieving what might have been if I were never injured. Another difficult area is that I have been told that I look well and seem "smarter". I have been told numerous times that I have high IQ. I also look good.  well, not so much anymore and actually in a strange way I want to look bad. you see I have the ability or had had the ability to attract many people. But this later end in sudden break-ups and I have little "feeling memory". I could tell you facts about what happened or what was said, in fact, this part of my memory has seemed to improve, well, not so much now as I am approaching old age and have much of the normal memory issues. I remember much about my mother's funeral, but felt i experienced nothing emotionally and this was not because of some sort of denial or psychological defense. I am on my way to get married in the near future but I feel my future spouse is very frustrated with me. Sometimes, i think she may be embarrassed by me and her family seem very distant from me. People tell me a lot that I just don't add up and i can feel their frustration but I do not process what this means to them. The fatigue was the worse part for the first year. I spent most of it just staring at the ceiling. Doctors treated my "depression" which was not an untruth because I was in major depression. I enjoyed nothing. I never looked again at a "ski" magazine and I had been so into skiing. I remember going once after my injury and I could actually ski well, but I had no passion anymore for the sport. I faked a passion because because I knew that it should have been there. I "acted out" very few times and when I did I felt great remorse..It was probably because I was a peaceful person before, but I did not become a yeller and most people felt that I was very easy to be around until I acted "pensive" or said something very inappropriate. Many time i would just repeat something that I just heard or read and people thought they were my feelings. I think here is where we arrive at the the biggest problem. Poor mutual understanding which leads to arguments or fights that should never have taken place. .But most people said it was that I became isolated and they missed me or felt rejected. The anti-depressants helped me to work again and I ended up working in my profession, but I was oblivious to the office games and as a result usually passed over or dismissed in some way even though I had good evaluations. The problem with TBI and PTSD is that they are not well understood by the general public- not even doctors understand and another big problem is that I think people understood/understand and then find out that they didn't or do not. My religious friends who I respect, think that it is a result of a sinful life style.  My brother who has strong faith sees it all as being spiritual. This makes me want to avoid him and this makes him think that I am rejecting his faith. I decided to be born again for two reason- one I knew that I did live a sinful life style and was remorseful and needed to repent regardless of reasons for my misbehaviors and I feel that there is a god  and two because I wanted to fit in more and be accepted by society. But getting accepted by society has not happened and it may never happen. This saddens me on many frints. One is that I have many gifts that are going wasted. And two I find life meaningless without being able to serve others. It is safe to say that I wish that I never woke  in Dec. of 1991. I like the person who wrote that pity is feeling sorry for one's predicament and empathy is taking action. I have learned this on a deep level; thus,  i am very good at "acting" upon other's problems, but when their problem is over and they do not need me, they usually find me as being socially a problem to have around. Who has understood? Usually a combat vet or someone from a developing country or a child or a very old person. An example would be my daughter's older sister who was about 8 years and and she cried in hysteric fashion after seeing the movie "I Am Sam" about a mentally challenged adult. I asked without a clue, why she was crying so much and she said because I was like Sam and that made her sad. And ironically, the "uneducated" accept me more.So getting old and less physically appealing and having memory problems and mood changes is much easier as I can more and more blame it on age. I wish that I never saw a doctor.

I met a man online who had a massive hemmhorragic..hemhh...augh!!! (am I spelling that right?) stroke.  He had a stroke.  OK.  So!  He's in a chair and has speech problems, left side weakness, right side atrophy, whole nine-yards.  I didn't know the extent until I met him face-to-face.  Day 1:  I bawled like a baby.  I didn't know what to expect.  Well, yesterday was our 1-month anniversary.  There's a lot of stuff in between there; major stigma and judgment.  Hell, the facility he lives in won't even let us hang out without supervision.  They all think I'm trying to take advantage of a man in a wheelchair with a TBI that can't think for himself.  Jokes on them, because he's way more intelligent than most of them put together.  His insight?  Unsurpassed.  And when he told me the other day, "They need to understand I'm injured, not f.ing stupid" I knew he was the man for me.   

I am an occupational therapist and have worked on a Brain Injury Team for inpatient Rehabilitation and for outpatient therapy.  I also am involved personally with a young friend, now 19 years old, who had a brain injury when she was around 12 years old. She is dealing with a lot of relationship problems and some difficult barriers transitioning to independent adulthood.  I was just reading through the comments from this article and noticed many struggles expressed, but not a lot of answers.  I do recommend cognitive evaluations by a neuropsychologist to help you understand changes in the way you process information.  I also recommend seeking out a brain injury support group to find resources for counseling by appropriately skilled therapists regarding relationships and changed roles and responsibilities.  A support group also is a good resource to realize you are not alone, and you are not crazy.  This is helpful for the person with the brain injury and the caregivers/loved ones.  Personality, communication skills, information processing, ability to accurately evaluate yourself all are apt to have changes after a brain injury.  Understanding yourself and your loved ones is so helpful.  Be patient with yourselves and your loved ones- both as one with TBI and family/friends/caregivers.  Seek out support.  This is a hard road to travel alone, but with support and skilled resources, can turn into a beautiful journey together.  

THANK YOU FOR THIS COMMENT .... IT IS SO HELPFUL TO THE TBI SURVIVOR AND THE CAREGIVERS - WHICH IN MY CASE ARE BASICALLY MY ADULT CHILDREN - ALL 3 OF THEM DO ALL THEY ARE ABLE AND PLUS SOME .... I AM VERY BLESSED AND THANK GOD FOR THEM ! MUCH LOVE TO ALL ....

my wife suffered cardiac arrest seven days after our second child was born, i saved her life. although she survived she suffered brain injuries after having back to back seizures for three consecutive days (one after the other every minute) must have had close to 3000 seizures in a row until they finally subsided.  her memory is shot, college education is gone, never talks about her past life friends, family, etc., and to top it off she has no motivation for anything. its been THREE years now.  i am still here but barely hanging on. my kids are suffering thru this to as my wife is not able to be a Mom to our kids. she cant take care of herself either.  thru all of my sacrifices, she still is combative harsh and abrasive with me. it hurts. after all of this time, she doesnt know what i have done for her. i am sad and wanting to go. this isnt how our lives were supposed to be. i want my kids away from the crazy talk and abrasive combative behavior, but i dont want to take them from their mom.  i dont think its fair that i might have to take us out of here to protect the kids well being and self esteem etc...i know i have to do whats best for us, i am just hanging on thinking that she will come around, but when???? will she come around? i dont know? is this chance worth it? i dont think anything will change, just maybe over time she will chill out hopefully. i just want my kids to be happy first and foremost.  life is cruel. oh yeah, i get no help from anyone too. no one calls us ever!!!!!!!!!!!!

My husband incurred multiple traumatic brain injuries while serving our country in Iraq. The long term effects are very noticeable. He is a sweet loving and sensitive person. However his memory is shot. He cannot tolerate crowds people Loud noises and the cognitive confusion along with migraine headaches can be unbearable on certain days. His massive injuries were a result of 5 different explosions. The final one was caused by an ied that blew up his armored vehicle. That was 8 years ago and he is permanently disabled due to the long term effects. He cannot work and completing menial tasks at home is often difficult. He helps with the kids and he can drive. But the suffering he endures daily is really sad. We are in our thirties and I won't leave him. For better or worse. But I must admit. Some days are worse than others.

My husband had an accident in 2012, he suffered major body trauma and head injury. A concussion, they said. They said it would heal in time, it was not serious they said,  but they did not say that we should watch for these changes: Inability to concentrate. Memory issues. Anger issuse. Headaches over two years later. Inability to be around crowds, noise, etc. Anxiety issues. Risky behavior such as drinking which he rarely did before. He says things now that contradict themselves. Has trouble remembering conversations and what was said. They did not tell us this might happen that it might cost us our marriage. He asked me for a divorce last week. Why? Because I know the man he used to be, and he is not that man anymore. He feels he needs to reinvent himself as the man he is now. He has not accepted himself as he is, even though his family has. He admits that this is him, not me or our family, he still loves me/us...All of this tracks back to that horrible day.... WTH? 

I was in a car accident March 2012 which took my husband's life & I was in a coma about 3 weeks head injury, broken bones crushed feet permanent nerve damage but was told no brain damage but I'm beginning to wonder if I really do have brain damage, I can't remember some things I don't have friends my kids rarely talk to me & I dated a man for about a year which took a bad turn & I don't know why but now I don'tgo aanywhere or trust anyone because I fell for this guy who claimed he loved me even talked marriage then dumped me, is it possible I do have brain damage? Or was he just looking for the money or am I just desperate because of feeling lonely? I've been so hurt mentally & physically that I want to die, I don't feel like I belong in this world. I really believe I do have brain damage. How do I know for sure? Looking for help, please?

I am a man who has fallen in love with such a wonderful woman with a TBI. I am trying so hard to understand and adjust to her condition. I make her soup when she is sick, I massage her feet with oils. I write her love letters and bring her flowers to bring some joy into her life. I have some familiarity with this because I was married to a woman previously who had moderate ADHD. We were together for almost 40 years. I am trying so hard to be loving and patient with this woman but perhaps I am too sensitive. One day she calls, then I don't hear from her for days. When we are together, she is always rushed and need to do many erranda. I certainly feel the love she has for me but she is reticent to express it, admit it to herself, and to me. Love is a two way street and I also need the emotional feedback of a loving relationship. I patiently wait but how long can I wait? I have offered to meet with her therapist to better learn more about how I may adjust to her condition, and how to bring us closer together. I have to admit, many days I am quite sad about this but loving her will keep me hanging on. I will not run away from this. I wish I could talk to someone as I feel quite alone as she mustwith her TBI.

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