9 Things NOT to Say to Someone with a Brain Injury

Marie Rowland, PhD, EmpowermentAlly
9 Things NOT to Say to Someone with a Brain Injury

Brain injury is confusing to people who don’t have one. It’s natural to want to say something, to voice an opinion or offer advice, even when we don’t understand.

And when you care for a loved one with a brain injury, it’s easy to get burnt out and say things out of frustration.

Here are a few things you might find yourself saying that are probably not helpful:

1. You seem fine to me.

The invisible signs of a brain injury — memory and concentration problems, fatigue, insomnia, chronic pain, depression, or anxiety — these are sometimes more difficult to live with than visible disabilities. Research shows that having just a scar on the head can help a person with a brain injury feel validated and better understood. Your loved one may look normal, but shrugging off the invisible signs of brain injury is belittling. Consider this: a memory problem can be much more disabling than a limp.

2. Maybe you’re just not trying hard enough (you’re lazy).

Lazy is not the same as apathy (lack of interest, motivation, or emotion). Apathy is a disorder and common after a brain injury. Apathy can often get in the way of rehabilitation and recovery, so it’s important to recognize and treat it. Certain prescription drugs have been shown to reduce apathy. Setting very specific goals might also help.

Do beware of problems that mimic apathy. Depression, fatigue, and chronic pain are common after a brain injury, and can look like (or be combined with) apathy. Side effects of some prescription drugs can also look like apathy. Try to discover the root of the problem, so that you can help advocate for proper treatment.

3. You’re such a grump!

Irritability is one of the most common signs of a brain injury. Irritability could be the direct result of the brain injury, or a side effect of depression, anxiety, chronic pain, sleep disorders, or fatigue. Think of it as a biological grumpiness — it’s not as if your loved one can get some air and come back in a better mood. It can come and go without reason.

It’s hard to live with someone who is grumpy, moody, or angry all the time. Certain prescription drugs, supplements, changes in diet, or therapy that focuses on adjustment and coping skills can all help to reduce irritability.

4. How many times do I have to tell you?

It’s frustrating to repeat yourself over and over, but almost everyone who has a brain injury will experience some memory problems. Instead of pointing out a deficit, try finding a solution. Make the task easier. Create a routine. Install a memo board in the kitchen. Also, remember that language isn’t always verbal. “I’ve already told you this” comes through loud and clear just by facial expression.

5. Do you have any idea how much I do for you?

Your loved one probably knows how much you do, and feels incredibly guilty about it. It’s also possible that your loved one has no clue, and may never understand. This can be due to problems with awareness, memory, or apathy — all of which can be a direct result of a brain injury. You do need to unload your burden on someone, just let that someone be a good friend or a counselor.

6. Your problem is all the medications you take.

Prescription drugs can cause all kinds of side effects such as sluggishness, insomnia, memory problems, mania, sexual dysfunction, or weight gain — just to name a few. Someone with a brain injury is especially sensitive to these effects. But, if you blame everything on the effects of drugs, two things could happen. One, you might be encouraging your loved one to stop taking an important drug prematurely. Two, you might be overlooking a genuine sign of brain injury.

It’s a good idea to regularly review prescription drugs with a doctor. Don’t be afraid to ask about alternatives that might reduce side effects. At some point in recovery, it might very well be the right time to taper off a drug. But, you won’t know this without regular follow-up.

7. Let me do that for you.

Independence and control are two of the most important things lost after a brain injury. Yes, it may be easier to do things for your loved one. Yes, it may be less frustrating. But, encouraging your loved one to do things on their own will help promote self-esteem, confidence, and quality of living. It can also help the brain recover faster.

Do make sure that the task isn’t one that might put your loved one at genuine risk — such as driving too soon or managing medication when there are significant memory problems.

8. Try to think positively.

That’s easier said than done for many people, and even harder for someone with a brain injury. Repetitive negative thinking is called rumination, and it can be common after a brain injury. Rumination is usually related to depression or anxiety, and so treating those problems may help break the negative thinking cycle.

Furthermore, if you tell someone to stop thinking about a certain negative thought, that thought will just be pushed further towards the front of the mind (literally, to the prefrontal cortex). Instead, find a task that is especially enjoyable for your loved one. It will help to distract from negative thinking, and release chemicals that promote more positive thoughts.

9. You’re lucky to be alive.

This sounds like positive thinking, looking on the bright side of things. But be careful. A person with a brain injury is six times more likely to have suicidal thoughts than someone without a brain injury. Some may not feel very lucky to be alive. Instead of calling it “luck,” talk about how strong, persistent, or heroic the person is for getting through their ordeal. Tell them that they’re awesome.

Posted on BrainLine October 10, 2012. Reviewed July 25, 2018.

Written by Marie Rowland, PhD, EmpowermentAlly. Used with permission. www.brainhealthconsulting.com.

Comments (552)

Please remember, we are not able to give medical or legal advice. If you have medical concerns, please consult your doctor. All posted comments are the views and opinions of the poster only.

At age 15 i was going to the lake with my friend a week before school started back. Then while we were in the car an 18 wheeler jack knifed the car i was riding in. After i got hit i went into a coma for 6 months, i have a serious traumatic brain injury. I graduated high school at 21 then a year later my sister found an amazing program that i started going to Monday through Thursday, I’ve been going for 3 years. I absolutely love it. Ten years after my accident it feels crazy that so much time has passed. I’m blessed to be alive, when i first woke up from my coma i was mad at my parents for bringing me back to life. A year before my accident one of my friends died, i was very suicidal. I’m in a better place now

I got a tbi in 1981... Still dealing with it this week...

Thank you. This article is so true. As someone who experienced brain injury recovery first-hand, (& still is) I can affirm and attest that this is good advice. Thanks for creating this site.

At 16 years of age my husband went through a windshield of a semi truck his friend was driving. His friend was killed and my husband suffered severe head injury. My husband is now 61 years old. We have been together for 20 years. Over our time together I have noticed significant changes in his personality etc. His anger and aggression has become an issue within our marriage. I am trying to be as patient as I can with him but he makes it extremely trying. He is mad everyday. He controls everything I do or say and gets very angry if I have a different opinion. One minute he can be fine and then like flipping a switch he turns into someone I do not know. He refuses medical attention, insisting that I am the problem not him. I am at my wits end. I have tried hard to take care of him, understand him and be there for him. Every single month at the first of the month he turns into a demon for about 10 days. He calls me bad names, throws things, locks himself in his bedroom watching the news or u tube at least 18 hours a day. When this happens I have to do everything for the household alone ie. Woodcutting, yard work, vehicle care or snow shoveling. He is not affectionate and I can count on one hand how many times we have been intimate in the past 3 years. I refuse to engage in fighting with him and now I rarely talk. He has forbid me from my friends, ruined my relationship with my family, makes me quit everything get involved in. I am living in hell but my heart tells me to stay because I realize that his injuries are the reason for this progressively difficult personality changes. He leaves me at least every other month and stays with his friends for about 7-10 days, them says he is sorry and wants to come home. When he does come home he is very aloof for about 3 days, then switches back to his old self from 20 years ago and then we start the same thing all over again. He does not work, he hates everyone and threatens to "kick some ones butt" all the time and then blames me for his anger issues. Everything is my fault always.
Any advice you might have to offer is greatly appreciated. I am drowning.

this sounds exactly like my boyfriend, we have been together for 7 years, he is angry everyday. he hates his life. he tells me he is going to kill himself everyday if he doesnt get his way. he has created a delusion that i have cheated on him and stared in porn. and any time we fight he brings up how i can just go back and do porn. i have never cheated nor have i done porn. he controls every aspect of my life besies work. hes ruined most of my relationships and the ones i do have are strained. he wants to move far away so i am not near my family any more. he blames me for anything and everything that goes wrong. do i know how you feel.

I am sorry that you are going through this. Not to sound like I am lecturing you or anything. But did you know that your husband had a TBI before you married him? Did you study up on people who have TBI's before marriage? Because if you did, you knew what the future held. My son was 25 when he had his accident and had a severe TBI. His girlfriend at the time of his accident knew fully well of his TBI. She knew that he would have personality changes, anger issues, etc. The doctors and lawyers told her this before they were married. She is 6 years younger than he is. They had a 1 1/2 year old prior to his accident. She manipulated him into marrying her and having two other children. Not only did my son have a TBI he also is physically handicapped. Now, she tells him that she never loved him, well we all knew that one. But him having the problems that he did was blind to it and you couldn't reason with him. Now she left him for someone else and is taking him for everything he had. She moved out and has her own house and he has his own house, their marital home. But she is kicking him out (not to mention their 16 year old son who lives there) so she can get the money. He gets or has his other two children every other week, not weekend. He also has those children more than she does. So she is basically taking her own children's home away from them too. I believe that this marriage should have been voided as he did have a TBI and shouldn't have been in or signed into a contract like that.

Oh my goodness. I can so relate all of what you say . I have no idea of how to deal with this . I never know which husband I have . 1,2 or 3 . All different and change at the flick of a switch

Having sustained a brain injury 5 years ago, I almost forget how angry I was when my parents told me they were praising god from bringing me back after being out for 2 days. I wanted to die only when I could construct a single memorable string of thought. I’ve noticed in the years since I’m venturing to a point in my sleep that when I knock out for the night, I can nearly feel the opium flowing unnaturally through my body. I get to a sleep now that is so deep I say it’s “like the dead” haha. The constant downhill avalanche is what life is after the accident. Eventually you learn that it makes no sense how well you set the table when the table itself is seemingly falling in every direction. The break it takes me to actually meaningfully contribute to a conversation is so slim and rare to come by, that I often spend my time now listening to my roommate monologue for hours about the same medical experiences that I have nearly memorized in plot by this point. Ceaselessly listening to a raspy voice repeat crappy choices dejected from the possibility that reality is false when experienced solely in the visual cortex.

I am going on 3 years with TBI and I feel for all that are struggling with "loved ones" that can't seem to grasp what TBI can truly do to ones ability to live everyday life. My marriage is struggling due to lack of understanding after TBI incident and i still regularly hear him telling me to "suck it up" and that I can "control how i react" or "what i can remember (positive or negative) It has been a nightmare and I pray for everyone suffering this.

My husband has suffered a traumatic brain injury after getting hit by a Car..He is a totally different person also since the injury he started having seizures..I am his wife and his caregiver this is all new to me just getting to know the new him..He dont wanna shower much anymore he isnt affectionate at all its like we are living together but apart what do i do? I am so worried about his well being that i never take out time for my own self..I am always saying are you ok every few seconds so afraid hes going to have another seizure like when he walk out the room, or dont respond immediately to me or even just stares at me those are all things he does prior to the seizure coming on..I have patience its just so hard to adjust to not having that man back that i once knew Prior to the accident..Any Suggestions he suffered Frontal Lobe, and Right temporal Lobe damage and the damage is Significant doctor says.I am asuming the old him is gone i will never get the back..I need yall help on this..Thank you so much in advance!

I am a surviver myself, please don't be cross with me.

I have spent 12 years learning about myself again, not once but 15 times! It's hard for us to explain how we handle things and so much more.

You need to grieve for the man you once knew. I say this from experience. You can build a brand new relationship from scratch, giving is the most gracious thing you can ever give.

Hold him, give him space, love him, respect him. Do things for him, let him learn, guiding gently, being supportive, let him wander he WILL return, stronger and wanting.

Teach him gently, hold his hand. After all he's like a new born baby. Ask gentle questions, smile and love him.

After all he's the man you love...

I hear you on so many levels. My husband was also hit by a car and has frontal and right temporal lobe damage. We went through a stage where he did not want to shower as well. I can't imagine how much more stressful everything would be if he were also having seizures like your husband is. Something that helped us significantly (with the showering, at least) was having my husband write out a schedule for himself. I wrote down things that need to be done every day, and things that need to be done occasionally. We settled on him showering every other day and changing his clothes every day. Now he is in charge of planning when during the day he will complete his tasks, but it gives him something to do and he feels proud of himself after he has done it. I have to continuously remind myself that time is the biggest healer of a brain injury. It helps for me to look at him and notice things that have gotten even a little bit better recently. We also started a "reward" program for him. If he completes the things that he needs to do 5/7 days each week, he gets to choose from a list of rewards. Then if he completes everything for a whole month, he gets better rewards. I am taking him to get a massage next week as his first monthly reward, and he is really excited. I hope things get better for the two of you. It seems like he has wonderful support from you!

I have been helping a family member who has TBI. But now I am no longer her guardian, she is on her own. She does not trust me and refuses to sign anything. Her English isn't very good and she has trouble understanding the language. I try to explain to her the best I can in her language and I also use google translate, but she thinks google isn't at all accurate. I shouldn't feel this way, but her refusal to sign things and not trusting me after a year of being her guardian, makes me not want to help her anymore. How do you continue to help someone who doesn't trust you.

I was hit on a Vespa scooter without my helmet on in ‘04 by a drunk drive. I broke all 5 limbs, TBI and epilepsy. I recovered a solid 86% being able to drive automobiles. I can also drink controlled amounts of coffee or beer (one in eight hour time-slot.) I preclude my second opportunity in the vein of an alcoholic. My life is now a 12 step program. Different dynamic, but structured the same.

I have a mild TBI with moderate to severe impairments in certain areas.

And I think that #7 is not a "one size fits all." For someone in rehab attempting to learn how to feed oneself again, sure, that makes sense.

For someone like me, who a) was chronically, toxically independent and b) has severe insomnia, fatigue and about 3 "good hours" a day...and that's all, I'd love for my friends and family to say "let me do that for you." In fact, I *need* that help because I'm a single person.

I have had the all and there are worse, trust me. From you are making it all up to almost being arrested for drunk and disorderly. I have traumatic vertigo and was having a bad brain day. I supposed it did not help that I laughed when the Policeman said he was going to arrest me.
I explained and I carry a card saying I have brain injuries and I had a sunflower lanyard in my bag. So I was able to walk him through it all.
When I was leaving I asked him who the desk sergeant was as I know them from ABI advocacy work. He would have dragged me into the police station where all his bosses know me. Maybe I should have LOL

I have been living with a TBI since a severe accident where i was struck by a truck in 1998 as a 9yo child. I have some processing issues occasionally, mainly when my words in my head get crossed with the words i am saying. Pretty comical if i do say so myself. But alot of people dont understand people with TBI. I had what they say were christopher reeves exact injury with the basil skull fracture broken neck and spinal cord all but severred with less than 1/4mm. Lucky to walk talk and breathe on my own. I was in a 4 day coma and woke up saying "mommy i think i got hurt".
Sorry i got off track. I just wanted to say in all of my years having severe tbi i have heard every one of these. And what ive figured out is just own it. People with tbi have what i refer to as the f it mode. After practice i learned to control majority of the apathy and the depression. And always repetition for memory. Always... Say it, write it, read it.

Hello...i am trying to help a 23yo who had a TBI at 17yo. And is stuck as a kid. Does not want to get any better. Does not care that his speech is hard to understand and he mumbles, or working his brain to improve his station. He thinks he is being punished. I scooped him out of the streets after he was evicted. I do not really know what I am doing. I know there are memory issues but he won't even give ot one go let alone try to master a poem or even a comic book. Its tough cuz he's an adult, so he bought beer, snuck it in and then spilled it all over and ran away. Leaving the mess for me to clean up. After knowing no alcohol is a house rule. could he be playing me like the kid that hates school cuz they can't teach me anything, I know it all? Tough love tonight, he got locked out. Rules are rules. I am at wits end at times. Like why would a parent drop a TBI kid at age 20 in podunk America without real doctors instead of keeping him in suburbia and university hospitals? He needs advocates, but maybe I expect too much. Am I suppose to let him go live under the bridge with the heroin addicts? IDK. So he learned how to walk and talk and boom he must be okay and lets abandon him. Thats what I think under it all. I really have no clue. It has been a rough week. So rough that I cant sleep. A stranger stepped in and the TBI has no clue

I had aTBI at 21 hit by drunk driver. Went to er did all the scans, sent home next day in unbelievable pain. Ended up finding out I had a hangman fracture and all the tendons for my C1-C2-C3 vertebrates completely tore off the spine. Along with many of the small muscles tore of my skull. Had to hold my head up with my hand holding my hair luckily I still had hair back then. They took three weeks to find this after a lot of complaining they only did an MRI to show me it was all in my head what a doctor told me. After MRI I went into immediate surgery. 9” of metal holding my spine together. I was constantly told how different I acted angry, confused, hating life etc. I thought it was just anger that the driver got a dwi and went on with a normal life. I had to relearn so many normal task. I adapted and made a fairly normal life took ten years. At 36 I had a grand Mal seizure feel 18 feet my head broke the fall on to a cement slab. Life has been nothing but hard for the last 2 years. My wife of 17 years wants me gone only reason it hasn’t happened is I am unable to take care of myself. Forget to eat, conversation I had 3 minutes ago no sense of time and horrible out bursts of anger that I have no idea why I do. I had a great job that I looked forward every day going to. Know I am lucky if I can remember why I went to the store. Life sure feels like, Living In Failure Everyday. To many days lately of ready to be done. 4 young amazing kids keeps me going and trying to not give up. Kids are amazing at realizing dad needs help they are more understanding than most adults. Wife’s family tells her to leave me instead of trying to help us out. I used to be a volunteer firefighter and first responder used to like helping anyone that needed any sort of help not anymore. I have a hard time understanding why most people are so selfish?
Any suggestions-ideas that have help you out how to control anger, work on improving memory improving out look in life. Kind of on my last straw I guess.

❤️❤️❤️

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Please if you need someone to talk to leave your email address in a comment and I'll message you asap. I'm a psychologist and I also have a tbi and my situation sounds very familiar.

Thank you

Yes, I need a better place to live or a facility for me. I have a traumatic brain injury and ptsd. I live at a independent living facility for 50 and older. The level of drama and gossip is out of control. It makes my memory worse, and my depression worse as well. My mother out me here after the OR A caught her collecting my cash rent money and declaring me as a dependent.

I'm a very tuff cookie, to put it bluntly!!! Well just to put it out on front street I was beat with a fire extinguisher that's what caused my frontal damage to my head and my brain damage I just wanted to make you aware that I found your article informative and insightul, thank you so very much Jenny Massa

I personally find that remaining completely silent when I'm really angry or emotionally weepy really helps. Absorbing what is being said to me while understanding why I feel the way I do. Thinking about it once I am alone and weighing my choices of actions. Writing down all the feelings I have and why. Then in point form I'll list what the problems are and how I want to express myself.

I feel like I'm living a social experiment because before my brain surgery and all the elements it led to me having to have my teeth pulled and complications neuromas people look at me as if I'm a street person or a drug addicted coming from 205 to 1:45 the public to understand that it's not that it's the effects of brain surgery or TBI

I was hit by a car and have a TBI. I have trouble remembering things, keeping track of the flow time (i.o.w. I can't tell how long ago or how recently something happened when more than a couple days have passed.), and organizing my thoughts in the moment. That last one has been the most difficult to cope with. When I'm trying to engage someone in conversation and they ask me a question, I get stuck and can't formulate a reply. And when I try, my statements are fractured and make little sense. When I take my time answering, people think I've become disinterested. This has led me to become anti-social.
The things people say, don't bother me. It's what they do. The one thing you should do with someone who has a TBI is be patient. I can joke about my TBI, and I don't mind if other people joke about it with me. I don't mind if people point out the obvious problems I have because of it. I'm only bothered when they give up on me.

Glasgow coma scale 8 here, is your limp that bad or have you had a beer maybe two!

Don't Give up on people with TBI.

I was TBI and it is so frustrating having to keep asking what something means.
They just look at me like I am stupid or something.
I just don't understand why people are like that.

Stay positive and believe in yourself.

my husband has a t.b.i tramatic brain injury,his mother keeps talking to him like a baby.i know thats not normal.she doesnt stop.i dont know what to do..she talks to him like a baby,laughs like a baby,treats him like a baby,blows him kisses through the phone.i dont know how to get her to stop.can someone please help me with this?

I understand what you are saying. I have permanent brain damage. I do know that my spouse would have a hard time watching my mother talk to me like a baby as he would probably know that it would be demoralizing to the strong emotional woman he knows me to be. For her son I wonder if this would be demasculinating? I found it hard when people yelled as if I was deaf or talked to me like I was a toddler. My soul was still me but parts of me weren’t and looked different. Educating with literature and giving the people who love you suggestions for a different approach is helpful as after all you share a common goal and that is be participants in your spouses care

no matter what sweetheart, he will forever be her baby, thats just a mothers love. youd do the same if it were your child. im just saying, be patient and considerate, you also got to understand that she is going through it too. try to find ways for both of your to get along and work with your husband and in all honesty.. why are you upset? your husband is dealing with the injury and in my opinion, as his wife you should be there for him not fighting with his mom about what she does or doesnt do atleast shes showing him affection while your just complaining about the love your husband is getting. i dont knwo my friend but seems kinda selfish

My 29 year old son suffered a TBI, and I kinda get what you're feeling. My son's aunt was talking to my son like a baby, and it bothered me too. My son's dad is the one who told her to "don't talk to my son like he's a baby, he's not a baby" I'm kinda glad he said what I wanted to say without being rude. He and his sister don't get along so I'm sure it was easy for him. But, I was planning to tell her let's not talk to him like he's a baby especially around his kids because I don't know what his state of mind is, but he knows he's a dad, therefore, I want him to believe in his mind that his kids still look up to him, not seeing someone baby him. That was my plan, but, thanks to his dad, I didn't have to say anything. I talk to my son normally, and tell him constantly he needs to fight to get better for these kids so he can take care of them. In fact, if his kids are fighting, I tell my son, to tell his kids to stop and behave, and my son, who was never supposed to talk again, says, in a deep voice, YOU BOYS STOP!! I must say, he is doing a good job. His TBI was a worst case scenario, but he is here, and I very proud of him. 13 months post! Hope this helps you.

Hi, my husband and I were in a severe motorcycle accident in 2011. Neither of us were wearing helmets.
I had internal bleeding 11 broken bones. My husband had brain trauma, a left lobe hemorrhage and subdural hematoma with a 2mm midline shift.
The years immediately following he seemed to be doing better, he returned to work until he retired in 2014.
The past few years, he has become self centered, zero empathy for others, argumentative, hot headed when he drives, aggressive even pushing a shopping cart. Most days he looks at me with the same angry expression I remember seeing in the hospital after our accident. I literally feel like he hates me and quite a few times I have considered divorce.
A very close friend and relatives have noticed his personality change. He gets angry about something and will not let it go. He is ALWAYS right, no matter what.
A once happy, goofy guy who barely laughs anymore. Has anyone else experienced this late onset? How do I live like this? If he can't help it I would understand it more but how do I know if it's due to the TBI? What kind of medication is known to help this?
When I mention seeing a counselor it turns into a fight, and he starts twisting things. He has agreed to see a Neurologist, due to low testosterone and early diabetes ( not because of personality changes).His last brain MRI was approximately 6 yrs ago and it was normal, so I don't know what to think.
Any input is GREATLY appreciated.
Thank you

Hello your comment touched something in me when you stated his MRI was normal. I’ve had 3 TBI’s and none of them are in my medical records. The first was root canal gone bad as dentist drilled into my jaw bone cleaned with acid destroying nerves in jawbone and headed straight to base of skull giving me a stroke and TBI so severe I couldn’t recognize my only son whom I cherish and adore. It took me 5-6 years to understand content of a half hour tv show. I was treated but in a spread out way with many MRI’s that blamed scarring on my brain (severe for my age) on my lifestyle such as smoking diet medicine etc. during MRI a small pituitary adenoma was found and declared benign (without usual testing or biopsy or removal which is always done) rage was a long horrid phase of my TBI which is still easily triggered because that filter nonTBI me once had is scarred over broken off stuck control knob. I’ve never been heard, seen, diagnosed or anything other than negative feedback for 10 years. How I’m alive living a life of constant beat down emotionally and loss of everyone including my only son, daughter in law and granddaughters is beyond me. I have no lifeline left.
That said, your husband I’m sure feels your anger at him his mom and your loss of old him. If you care be sure to check his pain, fear loss isn’t a sign of hopelessness. Anger at everyone and everything well what’s his lifeline to hope love family understanding and reminder how strong any human has to be to actually survive this and then thrive. Statistics not great for us TBI humans. It runs our everything (the brain) a head injury affects entire body, every system within
I feel your pain you miss attention and connection with old him maybe?
Maybe he doesn’t feel heard either?

Forgive him its not his fault my injury was when i was younger than 10 years in my frontal lobe(emotions, cognitive abilities...). I hit the front of my head really hard and a huge bump appeared back then my parents told me that the doctor said im fine. Back then I was a kid so I didnt know better, but now im 21 and after so much(hard to concentrate and learn, depression, anxiety, sudden mood changes, no motivation,losing empathy for others, hard to control emotions...) I finally knew that it was an unidentified mild traumatic injury. The problem with mtbi is most people usually dont get the right help and are sometimes even told theres nothing wrong like my case. The worst about not knowing u have mtbi is wanting to change but physically cant because of your injury so you reach this wall because u dont know u have mtbi and just think how many people ended their lives because of this. So mtbi is a mild trumatic brain injury and judging from your accident your husbands seems to be more severe so his case is even worse than mine becuase his last mri was clean and hes also being told theres nothing wrong. I know it will be hard because he may be really hard on u but believe me I know im a good hearted person but u just cant control all these bad emotions. I hope things get better stay strong honestly your probably one of the only people who can really help him.

I’ve been living with a TBI since I was 16. I’m now 47. This article is on point. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about being “normal”.

people, family mostly, have said it was the medication. which is bad but the worst thing is when they say it's all in your head. it kinda makes me laugh because i think to myself that it is technically correct. but it just highlights the extreme gulf that lies between them actually understanding and being able to help or at least not aggravate the symptoms, and where their apprehension of whats going on actually is.
both statements make me feel like i am stuck dealing with this all on my own. but the second takes away even hope of finding help. the first is more like blaming the victim, usually from bosses, priveledged folks, trump supporters and the like.... people who think they are better than you even before you were injured.

My brother suffered a severe TBI after being assaulted. He is middle aged and my aging parents support him. He has been in a downward spiral for the last 6 months. The smallest things set him off and he goes ballistic. He says the most awful things to them and then turns to drugs and alcohol which makes the behavior even worse. They cannot talk to him about anything important because it's just a cycle that keeps repeating itself. He won't take any medication. When he's been to the doctor he's not honest about his behavior. I don't know how to help my parents. My brother's behavior is putting a big financial burden on them amongst the emotional burden they carry. They really need to find help but I'm beginning to loose hope that there's any help out there for him and my parents. It is really hard to not be angry at him even though I know his injury is affecting his thinking. His behavior was similar before the TBI but now it's so much worse. Any advice or help is appreciated.

I would say get him checked into a place more qualified to watch over him and the behaviors he is doing, like a mental health facility. It might seem bad but realistically that's the best place for him to recover and learn different coping mechanisms. I would also suggest therapy.

My son , has a TBI , he doesn’t want to talk anyone that has experienced what his dealing with, he does take his medication, however it gets in a mode and said she doesn’t feel right, he’s messed up in the head and it’s leave me alone and he will leave and go walking, I’m always worry , I don’t know what to do if he won’t talk to anyone

He might be overwhelmed with your questions or comments causing him to be frustrated. Tell him that you love him unconditionally and to enjoy his walk. That you understand and will give him his space. Sometimes people with tbi are loners because they are struggling with navigating the new brain they have. He will come back, he just needs to figure it out on his own. Have infinite patience and unconditional love for him.

Funny, I have been dain bramaged (sic) since 1974 and no one that I can remember has ever said any of those things to me. That might be because most people I have ever known, except those most intimate to me, have no idea I am that way. Have been quite successful almost my entire life, have not bought into the "worldly" idea of having to have so much stuff, although, I do have a lot of stuff, but, it is almost all stuff that I can use to make my and anyone else's life better, who needs to have things made, fixed, improved, altered or just changed to satisfy some perceived need. Almost all of my stuff is tools and material to use to make life improvements.
Unless I told you, or you already knew, you would not have any idea that I have a TBI.

I had a TBI 20 years ago. AVM, brain hemorrhage, neuro surgery and gamma knife.

I was still school age then. After treatment I struggled with socialising and have had a relatively isolated life since. You could say I missed a lot of normal life moments. My support was deliberately removed more than 15 years ago and I live and work independently now.

Some of those problems linked to a limited exposure to social activities continues to dominate in my life today.

I worry I'll never date, I might never find love. Might never have children. And I will need to go through the next 40 years in similar isolation to the last 20. I'm not sure I could face that.

My illness or disability is visible to everyone but I've worked hard make it as invisible as possible. When it's noticed I'm often shunned and treated like an addict. My resting tremor is often taken for something else. Or I'm treated like I'm incompetent. I'm also overlooked at work.

Most normal people's opportunity to find a mate depends on how they look and interact. I'm at a disadvantage on both counts.

The public perception of head injury should be changed. I don't want to live and die alone.

Hey-
I have a TBI and I was about to give up on finding love when I met someone (my now husband) on the internet and it seemed to take years to happen. I'm just saying don't give up on finding love, there's someone out there that will love you for you. GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

don't approach someone with a TBI with negativity about others people don't or are may be unable to proses comunactioning can be a major issue, face to face communication in a comfortable setting i.e. stress-free

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