Caregiver Coping Strategies CORE Health Care Page 2 of 2

6. Focusing on the Positive

It is possible to think your way to new feelings. Here are 3 steps for doing this. You can use your journal to help with this.

• Ask yourself how or what you are feeling -- mad, sad, frustrated, etc.
• Who or what is truly responsible for this feeling?
• What are you telling yourself? "Listen" to what you are saying to yourself, and write down those self-statements.

A tendency to make statements to oneself that label a situation as “terrible” or “horrible” will certainly cause feelings of sadness, frustration, and/or anger. Ask yourself if your self-statements are really accurate. In addition, decide what you can do now about the current situation, as well as what you can do the next time it comes up. In this way, you are trying to form a plan for a solution, or to recognize that the situation is one that you have no control over and just has to be tolerated.If it’s the latter, then recognizing that there’s nothing to be done is the first step in accepting the situation as it is.

7. Make a Personal Declaration

Think about the following self-statements and decide to make them a part of your daily life:

• Taking care of myself is necessary if I am to give care to others.
• I know my own limitations and strengths. I seek help when I need it
• I have the right to feel what I feel and to express those feelings in a calm manner.
• I maintain the right to my own life outside of care giving.
• I take pride in my accomplishments and in the courage it takes to perform these tasks.
• I realize that I cannot control the happiness of another person. I cannot fulfill all of his or her needs. No one person can.
• I have the right of choice, to decide what I will or will not do. This includes the right not to be manipulated by anger, fear, or guilt of my loved one.

8. Learn to Relax

Here are some tips for relaxation:

• Keep a journal.
• Put on a favorite piece of music or listen to a CD or tape of nature sounds.
• Meditate. (Tip: Focus on your breathing. As you inhale, silently say to yourself, “I breathe in” and as you exhale, silently say to yourself, “I feel peaceful.” Continue for 10 minutes.)
• Think back to when you were a child. What were you interested in? Get books v on the subject from the library or bookstore and study the subject.
• Start a new hobby (such as, painting, drawing, playing an instrument, listening to music, putting together puzzles, etc.).
• Exercise. (A walk in nature for a half hour can dramatically shift your perspective.)
• Read a good book.
• Indulge in any activity you can do by yourself that calms your spirit.
• Find a volunteer to spend several hours with your loved one or hire someone.
• Take a vacation.
• Utilize respite services.

* The importance of being proactive: *

Proactive means taking action BEFORE it becomes a necessity.

Here are some tips to possibly prevent some of those “bad” days before they happen.

Llardo and Rothman (1999) refer to these tips as the “Caregiver’s STOP Sign.”

S = Seek out opportunities for support. For example, a caregivers group can provide both practical guidance and emotional support.
T = Take time for the things you enjoy. Although you may not have time for an elaborate project, you can find the time to do something you like. For example, if you can’t go to a concert, you can listen to a CD of your favorite music. If you can’t go to the movies, you can rent a video. Avoid saying, "I can’t do anything!" just because you no longer can do it the way that you used to.
O = Opt for help whenever you can. Learn to say yes to help that is offered to you.
P = Prioritize your needs. Since you can’t do everything you’d like to do, you need to choose what’s most important to you. If exercise means more to you than meeting a friend for coffee, then forget the coffee and go exercise.

References:

Llardo, J. & Rothman, C. R. (1999). I’ll Take Care of You: A Practical Guide for Family Caregivers. New Harbinger Publications: Oakland, CA.

Williams, G. B. & Kay, P. (1995). The Caregiver’s Manual: A Guide to Helping the Elderly and Infirm. Carol Publishing Group: New York, NY.

From CORE Health Care. Used with permission. www.corehealth.com.
 

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