To Wherever Oceans Go Beverley Bryant Page 2 of 2

I dealt with problems related to fatigue, endurance, distractibility, attention, concentration, perseveration, focus, over-stimulation, disinhibition, and impulsivity, to name a few. Some of my deficits didn't show up until later in my recovery. Maybe they were there form the beginning, but I didn't recognize then until I found myself in more complex situations. I displayed behavioral changes in dealing with anger, confrontation, and anything emotional in nature. My husband and family were embarrassed by my actions and language. I lost control if I had to deal with changes quickly or anyone who was angry. I developed panic attacks at certain sounds, and would "run" and then become disoriented.

Because of my short-term memory loss, I would argue vehemently with anyone that something never happened, even though those I loved and respected assured me that it did. I eventually lost confidence in myself, because I was never sure if I could trust my instincts anymore. I was one who had been full of confidence before my accident. I worked in the most tense situations, where others would have died of fright, and worked with a casualness and calmness rarely seen. I couldn't understand how I could have changed so much because of a bump on the head. I did things so differently. I thought and perceived things in another light. I acted and reacted much more unpredictably now. I no longer learned by just scanning information. I now no longer learned anything.

There seemed to be two of us in one body now — the old me and the new me. At times, it was damn hard trying to live up to the expectations of either of us.

Excerpted from To Wherever Oceans Go, 1996. Reprinted with permission. www.bbryant.com.

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