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Suzanne Geffen Mintz, Capital Books (page 7 of 8) Page 7 of 8
In addition to research and planning, there are other things you can do to feel more secure and capable in your actions and therefore more in charge of your life. You can learn some specific skills that help you be a more capable and confident family caregiver. For instance, you can learn how to communicate more effectively with healthcare professionals, over and beyond knowing the terminology associated with your loved one's diagnosis. You may want to learn a few nursing techniques and skills that make tasks easier for you and your loved one or some of the basic skills that physical therapists, special needs teachers, and other professionals go to school to learn and get licensed to do. When we realize everything we need to learn to be comfortable and confident in our caregiving roles, it's no wonder that we so often feel out of our bailiwick. Half of the caregivers in an NFCA survey of family caregivers said they hadn't been properly trained to do the caregiving work they were currently doing, so you certainly aren't alone if you are feeling unprepared.
I have become proficient with the laws and rights of the disabled community and make it a point to inform others.
—Cynthia J. Cavallaro, Swampscott, MA
There isn't one magic place to go to learn skills that can help you in your caregiving. Some hospitals do provide training programs, so it is worth checking with the ones in your community. If your loved one is eligible for homecare services, the agency providing those can certainly teach you skills and techniques as well. Make sure you know what your insurance will and will not cover. Some policies allow a set number of visits by an occupational therapist or physical therapist if ordered by a doctor, and these professionals can teach you transfer techniques and other life skills. Don't forget the Voluntary Health Agency focused on your loved one's condition. The Red Cross even has an entire curriculum on family-caregiver skills training.
I went to my local college and became a licensed nursing assistant.
—Janet L. Kieffer, Mingo Junction, OH
Managing Instead of Doing
Research has shown that men approach caregiving differently than women. Whereas women tend to jump in headfirst and do everything themselves, men tend to take more of a managerial approach and delegate or purchase outside services. Regardless of whether you are a man or a woman, you can learn how to manage your caregiving responsibilities as opposed to letting them manage you. A professional geriatric care manager may be able to help you do just that and actually assist you in finding the right solution to meet your loved one's needs and your own as well. Whether your loved one is elderly or not, consider learning some care management skills.
Here are some tips from the professionals.
1. Educate yourself on the nature of the disease or disability you're dealing with. Understanding what is happening to your care recipient will make you better able to judge the kind of resources you'll need.
2. Write down your observations and evaluations of your care recipient's strengths and deficits. This assessment will not only help you come to a realistic view of the situation; it will be a handy baseline reference to chart the progression of symptoms and changes. It's also not a bad idea to write down your own strengths and deficits so you can be realistic about your own need for help and support.
3. Hold a family conference and decide who will handle what chores if more than one family member is involved. Making sure everyone knows his or her responsibilities keeps misunderstandings to a minimum and saves one person from bearing the brunt of all the work. Note family meetings work best when there is a third party there to facilitate them. It could be a care manager, or member of the clergy, a long-standing family counselor, or anyone that can be trusted not to "take sides" and also has the skills to keep the meeting on topic, on schedule, and all parties feeling safe so they can truly say what is on their minds.
4. Keep good records of emergency numbers, daily medications, special diets, back-up people, and other pertinent information relating to the care of your loved one. Update as necessary. This record will be invaluable if something happens to you.
5. Research services in your area, including respite care, adult daycare, nursing facilities, volunteer programs, and churches. Look at them from a dual viewpoint: which ones are there to help your care recipient; which ones exist to help you or both of you.
6. Join a support group or find another caregiver with whom to converse or correspond. In addition to emotional support, you'll be likely to pick up practical tips.
7. Start advance planning for difficult decisions that may lie ahead before you will have to make them. It's much tougher to think decisions through when and if the situation turns desperate. Don't neglect to discuss wills, advance directives, and powers of attorney. These instruments give care recipients the opportunity to make their wishes known, but they can be signed only when a care recipient is competent, so it's best not to delay.
8. Develop your own support system. Be willing to tell others what you need and to accept their help. Other people could easily do some of the research that all of these steps entail.
9. Establish a family regimen. When things are difficult to begin with, keeping a straightforward daily Building Confidence and Capabilities 97 routine can be a stabilizer, especially for people who find change upsetting and confusing.
10. Approach some of your hardest caregiving duties like a professional. Instead of seeing yourself as a spouse or child, step back and try to insulate yourself from the sense of loss such duties remind you of, concentrating instead on the practical aspects of getting the job done as efficiently as possible. Sometimes your best defense is to distance yourself a bit so you can accomplish the difficult tasks without allowing them to take a constant emotional toll. We all have an image of what our role is as a spouse or a daughter.
When caregiving enters a relationship, stress is created because your image of your role doesn't mesh with your caregiving responsibilities. Finding a resolution to these disconnects can ease the situation for everyone involved.
From A Family Caregiver Speaks Up: It Doesn't Have to Be This Hard by Suzanne Geffen Mintz, Chapter 4 "Building Confidence and Capabilities: Making Choices, Taking Charge." Capital Books, Inc., 2007. Reprinted with permission. All rights reserved. www.capital-books.com.
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