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Suzanne Geffen Mintz, Capital Books (page 2 of 8) Page 2 of 8
While at the beach, sitting on the sand and soaking up the warm rays of the sun, alone with my thoughts and feelings, I wrote a poem that was inspired by, of all things, a beach chair. The poem erupted out of my brain in only a few minutes and poured onto the writing pad that was propped up against my thighs. It was a very dark poem, reflecting all the painful emotions the purchase of the wheelchair engendered. It expressed my fears and my anger. It was the visible representation of the pain that I held inside. It was a poem written by a woman who definitely saw her glass as half empty. The sun was shining. I was enjoying a respite, and I decided to try to think about Steven's need for the wheelchair in a different way. I ripped up the first poem and began again. The poem that came from my inner core the second time around was more upbeat. It looked at the doors that the wheelchair opened for Steven and me, not the ones that it had closed. This is the poem I called "The Chair," but wonder now if I should rename it "Life Depends on Your Point of View."
It sits there at the crest of the beach, on the rise just before the
sand dips towards the water's edge.
A lone beach chair, seemingly abandoned.
It's a jaunty chair with its yellow striped canvas seat and
sailboats floating on its blue and yellow back support.
It lists just a bit to the left, almost rakishly, as it nestles in
the sand, surveying the sea.
It is a chair made just for sitting, and sitting on the sand at that.
It has no legs to get in the way of stretching out, relaxing,
and letting the sun seep into your bones and warm your soul.
It is so unlike another chair I know. A black chair with wheels.
A chair that does not survey the vastness of the ocean with a
jaunty air, but rather a chair that defines a narrower
kingdom.
And yet, I think this other chair is a happier chair than
the one that sits and stares out to sea, for it is a chair with
wheels that take the place of legs no longer able to propel
their owner forth.
This other chair is not made for sitting and looking at the world.
It is a chair built for exploring, for meeting life face to face and
tasting of its spirit.
Perhaps this chair should have a seat of yellow and white stripes,
and a back support adorned with sailboats.
A far better statement of its adventurous and joyous possibilities.
Nothing had changed in the hour between the time I wrote the first poem and the time I wrote the second one, nothing except my attitude. And yet that was everything.
Take Charge Activities and Coping Strategies
It's a fallacy to believe that we are ever in complete control of our lives. So much happens because of situations well beyond our ability to affect them; yet they affect us, sometimes for the good and sometimes for the bad. A big rise in the stock market can mean you'll definitely have enough money to send your kids to college. A tornado can destroy your home beyond repair. Other circumstances we obviously do have some control over. We can choose where to go on a vacation or choose to put ourselves on a low-salt diet to control high blood pressure. A loved one's illness or disability generally falls into the first category, and we struggle to find ways to control its impact on their life, on our own, and on the lives of the rest of the family. We need to find ways to regain some of the sense of control that we've lost. We need to learn how to cope.
A Personal SWOT Analysis
Have you ever heard of a SWOT analysis? It is something that is done in the business world to assess a company or an organization's ability to change or move forward. It is often one of the first steps in strategic planning. SWOT stands for strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats. To get a handle on your life as a family caregiver, to begin to take charge, to find ways to cope with your fears, to determine what choices you have, you might consider conducting your own personal SWOT analysis.
We all have strengths and weaknesses. These are characteristics that are intrinsic to who we are. Some of them may be physical, some intellectual, some an innate part of our personalities. They may change over time, or a perceived strength may be an asset in one situation and a liability in another. Have you ever thought about your strengths and weaknesses in terms of your caregiving situation? If you haven't done it yet, you might consider making two lists. List number one can enumerate what you see as your strengths and what impact each one has, or could have, on your ability to be a successful family caregiver. List number two includes your perceived weaknesses and the consequences they have, or could have, on your caregiving. These lists can help you sort out in which areas you could really use some assistance or advice.
In my case, I'd say one of my strengths is the fact that I tend to be proactive and plan ahead. I can also be persuasive. I can laugh at myself. I usually catch onto things fairly quickly. I don't have a problem asking for help, and I am physically stronger now than I have ever been in my life.
In terms of weaknesses, I am a five-foot, small-boned woman, and although Steven is an average-size man, I just don't have the leverage to help him if he falls or needs other significant physical assistance that requires height. I am lousy with math. My eyes glaze over when it comes to filling out forms, and I can be impatient, especially when dealing with bureaucracy.
Opportunities and threats come from the outside. A retirement community is being built two miles from your house, or your husband's employer will let him work from home two days a week. These are obviously opportunities that, in the right circumstances, could be the answer to your prayers. Threats can range from a potential loss of health insurance to the fact that you live in an old two-story house that would require extensive, and expensive, renovation to make handicap accessible.
Can you think of what opportunities you currently can take advantage of, or what threats you need to find ways to work around or somehow get rid of? A personal SWOT analysis is a place to begin to think about questions such as these, and it is one of the arrows in your quiver of resources to help you build your confidence and take charge of your life. Think of it as a living document, one that will change as you and your circumstances do. It can be a useful tool throughout your caregiving career, not just at the outset.
From A Family Caregiver Speaks Up: It Doesn't Have to Be This Hard by Suzanne Geffen Mintz, Chapter 4 "Building Confidence and Capabilities: Making Choices, Taking Charge." Capital Books, Inc., 2007. Reprinted with permission. All rights reserved. www.capital-books.com.
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