Head Cases Micheal Paul Mason, Farrar, Straus and Giroux Page 6 of 6

“It gives you a new way of looking at life,” she tells me. “This type of therapy teaches you how to stop wanting something different than the life you have, and there is incredible freedom in that. We come to realize we are whole, no matter the deficits, and that there is more right with us than there is wrong. To really embrace that is transformative.”

I tell Melissa that it sounds like a wonderful and noble pursuit and that I hope her research opens up new solutions for survivors in the future. Then, being unable to resist, I ask her what mindfulness training has done to her sense of self.

“Who are you, really?” I ask.

“I love myself the way I am now,” she says. “I appreciate that I am not my brain injury. It was a traumatic experience, to be sure, but it deepened my relationship to myself and to others. I have become a more loving person. I am a lot more empathetic, and I know what compassion is now.”

The neuropsychological evaluation portrayed a woman about whom nothing seemed special, and in a sense, there is nothing special about Melissa Felteau anymore. She gets a little confused with directions, and she still goes off topic in conversation. She becomes a little flustered when she tries to parallel park, and she laughs at herself when she trips over a rise in the sidewalk. She is a student conducting her research, and she is a daughter who loves her parents. The spring flowers, the moon in autumn. Melissa is brain injured and she is wonderfully whole. Using only her ordinary mind, she has found her way.

* * *

Notes and Sources

1. There are numerous renderings of The Gateless Gate; for the purpose of this chapter, I have used examples from Koun Yamada's translation.
2. For an excellent starting point on the semantic complications regarding consciousness, take a look at "On the Neurophysiology of Consciousness" by the acclaimed researcher Joseph Bogen, in Consciousness and Cognition 4 (1995): 55-62 and 137-58.

From Head Cases by Michael Paul Mason, published by Farrar, Straus and Giroux, LLC. Copyright © 2008 by Michael Paul Mason. All rights reserved. To view or the book, go to www.amazon.com. For more information about author and brain injury case manager Michael Paul Mason, go to www.michaelpaulmason.com.

Michael Paul Mason has served as an editor for two literary publications, and has appeared on several national media outlets, including the Lehrer Newshour, CBS News, and NPR's Morning Edition. His writings have appeared in several newspapers and magazines, including Discover, The New York Times, and The Believer. Mason remains active as a lecturer and speaker. Mason has also built a reputation for noteworthy journalism. When Mason's article, "Dead Men Walking", appeared in Discover magazine, it ignited a national debate about the treatment of brain injured soldiers. Mason has since traveled to Iraq to report on healthcare and humanitarian issues. Mason's first book, Head Cases: Stories of Brain Injury and Its Aftermath is an exploration into the harsh realities endured by brain injury survivors. While currently a brain injury projects manager at the Neurologic Rehabilitation Institute at Brookhaven Hospital, Mason continues to advocate on behalf of Americans with brain injury and is involved with several national legislative initiatives. He is currently the founding editor of This Land, a monthly magazine based in Tulsa. He is also at work on a non-fiction book called The Human Assembly: The Discovery, History, and Industry of our Parts, Tissues, and Organs.

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